BIKE RAMP PAMMY
Me: Hey mom, what’s with the bike?
My Mom: I’m gonna teach Baby Bunko* to pop wheelies and what nots.
Me: Does dad know about this?
My Mom: He’s out back building my ramp as we speak.
Me: You should get a helmet.
My Mom: My fist is my helmet.
*name pending
TRIBEARATOPS FROM HELL CONQUERS VALENTINE’S DAY
Q. How many girls were lucky enough to get mini cupcakes tonight?
A. Millions.
Q. How many girls were lucky enough to get a hand crafted Tribearatops tonight?
A. Not many. Perhaps only Vicki. I can’t say for sure.
Q. Was this the best Valentine’s Day of Vicki’s life?
A. Yep.
Q. Seriously?
A. Well, it was until I told her that she had to share the mini cupcakes.
Q. But she was totally into Tribearatops?
A. Yep.
Q. Seriously?
A. No, she hated Tribearatops. She called him a “disturbing dinosaur from hell” and added that “if hell had a hell, he’d be from that hell”. She did however enjoy the gummy bears.
Anonymous asked: When are you going to buy Vicki flowers!? I've been waiting forever for you to check that off your to-do list!
Vicki’s eagerly been waiting for flowers since October, so she quite literally has a gigantic water balloon full of anticipation swirling around inside her belly (along with Bunko Junior). If I were to suddenly hand her flowers at this point, that tense balloon would immediately pop and release a gigantic tidal wave of anticipation all over Baby Bunko.
So the point is, I gave Vicki a baby, and for the good of the baby, I absolutely cannot give her flowers. Don’t cry for Vicki, cry for me, the tragic guy who wishes he could give his wife flowers but can’t for the good of a fetus.
Perhaps I should stop writing “Buy Vicki Flowers” on my sort of daily to do list.
IT’S A GIRL
And her name is Bunko Jr. until otherwise noted.
MOON WALKERS
When I’m not…
a. trying to figure how the hell we’re gonna fit a baby in our apartment
b. planning my trip to Guatemala to punch Captain Worthless in the face for stealing my brand new portable telephone and taking it all the way to freakin’ Guatemala!!!
c. gaining weight
and/or
d. buying Vicki flowers…
this is what I’m working on. Actually, I think I can scratch “c” of the list, seeing as I can probably gain weight and use Lightroom simultaneously.
Check me out double taskin’ like a clock radio, sweet!
[video]
SALESBABE AND A CHEVY NOVA
Vicki was none too thrilled when I made her wear my hat and jacket in this picture. Regardless, she hides her anger well and would obviously make a terrific used car salesman.
I mean salesbabe.
BOB AND STEVE FROM THE FUTURE
Tonight I ran into Bob and Steve (pictured). They were sent here from the future for one reason and one reason only: to blow up all the sucky people who beg for pepperoni but when the pizza arrives they immediately make a bee line straight for the cheese.
All I could say was “Well it’s about damn time Bob… and Steve”.
In retrospect I should have said something about Bob and Steve still being names in the future. I wonder what year they were from. With names like Bob and Steve I’m guessing mid 2012.
(Taken with instagram)
OBSERVATIONS
Vicki’s Reaction: “That lady don’t got no pants!”
Tanner’s Reaction: “That kid don’t got no head!!!”
The point: Me and Vicki have got real bad grammar and Vicki’s got herself some real bad observational prioritization skills.
(Taken with instagram)
orhaun asked: what if you get drunk and forget to upload your stuff to tumblr?
Actually, this has happened several times before and here’s how we fix it…
Vicki finds me face down in some shrubbery wearing only my underpants and a furball hat.
Vicki: “Duuude, you totally forgot to post to tumblr”
Me: “Duuuude, no way, am I in suck city?”
Vicki: “Duuude, we should totally build the world’s most unreliable time machine and go back in time and fix this!”
Me: “Duuude, that’s totally the best idea ever! I don’t even wanna install seat belts!!!”
So that’s basically how we do it.
