PATHETIC
I took this photo at least six years ago and just scanned it today. There are several hundred similar negatives that have been sitting in a box under my bed for years. It’s pathetic. And don’t get me started on getting prints made. Of all photos Vicki and I have taken together over the years, I’ve printed one, which is better than zero, but still, quite pathetic.
Anyway, if you look up pathetic in the dictionary, you’ll probably won’t even find my name, because I’m so pathetic.
Today my mom posted this letter on the Disqus comments section of my blog. Since absolutely no one here will ever see it, I decided to post it here..
“So my new name is Grammy Pammy and I am the mother of a son who is exploiting his beautiful little baby girl on Facebook, Tanner Blog and this DISQUS. Appaently I never taught him never to talk to strangers. Ha! At first I thought it said DISGUST. Whatever, she is a real cutie, we are blessed to have Emi in our family.
So good to see familiar names on this blog, I will not hang myself today — I am glad you’re still here. John C — you always made me laugh, lavie-blem, were you the one who had a MUM? Can’t remember. So happy you all have remained friends across the miles.
Oh, Happy Day……………………
Grammy Pammy, a.k.a. My Mom Reviews My Photos
LIL’ MISS SCHEMER IS ALWAYS SCHEMING
Baby Bunko is plotting to…
a. Completely obliterate her tenth diaper of the day.
b. Throw a co-ed naked pacifier party in her playpen.
c. Hitchhike to Portland to live with the most best dad on tumblr, John Carleton.
d. Convince Vicki to feed her a cheeseburger.
e. Play Nicolas Cage’s nemesis in every move he makes from here on out.
f. All of the above.
Answer: f
SUPER MARIO BABY
I can say with 90% certainty that the plunger you see here was probably never in a toilet or on a bathroom floor.
I can say with 10% certainty that the plunger you see here was probably in a toilet and on a bathroom floor.
BOOM!!! BABY BUNKO BORN!!!
So Bunko the Brave, aka Vicki, finally gave birth to Baby Bunko, aka Emi (pronounced Emmy, it’s Vicki’s grandma’s name).
Weighing in at 6 pounds 5 ounces, Baby Bunko enjoys burping, sneezing, and hiccuping. I’m not quite sure if she enjoys being forced into silly poses for my pictures, but she hasn’t said “no” yet, so I guess that must mean she likes it.
I’m thinking about starting up My Mom Reviews My Photos again, this time with daily instagram pictures of Emi. I’m not sure if Pam and Toby would be on board or not, stay tuned.
01. Capturing Santa Clause
02. Blowing Up Ice Cream Trucks
03. Getting Drunk With Dolphins
04. Maintaining Tumblr Blogs
05. Organizing Paper Clip Protest Rallies (Staplers are way more reliable)
06. Impersonating Nick Nolte
07. Intimidating Baby Porcupines
08. Tasting The Rainbow
09. Climbing Water Slides
10. Throwing Hammers At Stuff
Note to self: Throw “: The Tanner Almon Story” to the end of any of these and I’d have a great title for an unauthorized biography. For example, “Getting Drunk With Dolphins: The Tanner Almon Story” would probably be a best seller.
BIKE RAMP PAMMY
Me: Hey mom, what’s with the bike?
My Mom: I’m gonna teach Baby Bunko* to pop wheelies and what nots.
Me: Does dad know about this?
My Mom: He’s out back building my ramp as we speak.
Me: You should get a helmet.
My Mom: My fist is my helmet.
*name pending
TRIBEARATOPS FROM HELL CONQUERS VALENTINE’S DAY
Q. How many girls were lucky enough to get mini cupcakes tonight?
A. Millions.
Q. How many girls were lucky enough to get a hand crafted Tribearatops tonight?
A. Not many. Perhaps only Vicki. I can’t say for sure.
Q. Was this the best Valentine’s Day of Vicki’s life?
A. Yep.
Q. Seriously?
A. Well, it was until I told her that she had to share the mini cupcakes.
Q. But she was totally into Tribearatops?
A. Yep.
Q. Seriously?
A. No, she hated Tribearatops. She called him a “disturbing dinosaur from hell” and added that “if hell had a hell, he’d be from that hell”. She did however enjoy the gummy bears.
Vicki’s eagerly been waiting for flowers since October, so she quite literally has a gigantic water balloon full of anticipation swirling around inside her belly (along with Bunko Junior). If I were to suddenly hand her flowers at this point, that tense balloon would immediately pop and release a gigantic tidal wave of anticipation all over Baby Bunko.
So the point is, I gave Vicki a baby, and for the good of the baby, I absolutely cannot give her flowers. Don’t cry for Vicki, cry for me, the tragic guy who wishes he could give his wife flowers but can’t for the good of a fetus.
Perhaps I should stop writing “Buy Vicki Flowers” on my sort of daily to do list.
IT’S A GIRL
And her name is Bunko Jr. until otherwise noted.
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