1st August 2013

IT’S REALLY SAD
When she was five years old her father was murdered by a drunken astronaut on a roller coaster in Tennessee. When she was seven years old her mother was murdered by a drunken magician on a ferris wheel in Nebraska. She now spends her weekends in a cheap astronaut costume performing lackluster escape acts in California. It’s really sad. IT’S REALLY SAD
When she was five years old her father was murdered by a drunken astronaut on a roller coaster in Tennessee. When she was seven years old her mother was murdered by a drunken magician on a ferris wheel in Nebraska. She now spends her weekends in a cheap astronaut costume performing lackluster escape acts in California. It’s really sad.

IT’S REALLY SAD

When she was five years old her father was murdered by a drunken astronaut on a roller coaster in Tennessee. When she was seven years old her mother was murdered by a drunken magician on a ferris wheel in Nebraska. She now spends her weekends in a cheap astronaut costume performing lackluster escape acts in California. It’s really sad.

 ·  27 notes

13th July 2013

GUMMY BEAR CITY
As Wendy looked up at the stupid sky she wondered what would kill her first. Would it be the sea urchin she’d punched in the face just a few hours earlier? Would it be the sea urchin’s ex-wife, Wanda, seeking vengeance for her man? Or perhaps it would be the sea urchin’s illegitimate half-sea-cucumber bastard child, Todd, seeking social acceptance in an unforgiving world. Would it even be a sea urchin? Hell, would it even be be a sea creature? Maybe it’d be her ex-boyfriend, Perry Bowser? She never did acknowledge his gummy bear city. Or maybe it would be her former scuba instructor, Dale Hawaii? She never did respect his hermetically sealed speedo. Or maybe it would just be something annoying like sun burn or pink eye. GUMMY BEAR CITY
As Wendy looked up at the stupid sky she wondered what would kill her first. Would it be the sea urchin she’d punched in the face just a few hours earlier? Would it be the sea urchin’s ex-wife, Wanda, seeking vengeance for her man? Or perhaps it would be the sea urchin’s illegitimate half-sea-cucumber bastard child, Todd, seeking social acceptance in an unforgiving world. Would it even be a sea urchin? Hell, would it even be be a sea creature? Maybe it’d be her ex-boyfriend, Perry Bowser? She never did acknowledge his gummy bear city. Or maybe it would be her former scuba instructor, Dale Hawaii? She never did respect his hermetically sealed speedo. Or maybe it would just be something annoying like sun burn or pink eye.

GUMMY BEAR CITY

As Wendy looked up at the stupid sky she wondered what would kill her first. Would it be the sea urchin she’d punched in the face just a few hours earlier? Would it be the sea urchin’s ex-wife, Wanda, seeking vengeance for her man? Or perhaps it would be the sea urchin’s illegitimate half-sea-cucumber bastard child, Todd, seeking social acceptance in an unforgiving world. Would it even be a sea urchin? Hell, would it even be be a sea creature? Maybe it’d be her ex-boyfriend, Perry Bowser? She never did acknowledge his gummy bear city. Or maybe it would be her former scuba instructor, Dale Hawaii? She never did respect his hermetically sealed speedo. Or maybe it would just be something annoying like sun burn or pink eye.

 ·  13 notes

10th July 2013

SPACE COFFEE
As Dave and Wendy sat in Dave’s “research” van eating space breakfast (space toast and space syrup), Dave decided to brew up some space coffee. Unfortunately he made the brew way too strong… so strong, in fact, that it blew the space coffee pot’s hermetic seal. “Dammit Dave! The hermetic seal’s been breached! We be doomed my man!” 
Dave clumsily tried to clog the leak with space syrup, but it was too late, the space coffee’s stale aroma had already permeated the perimeter and awakened the hibernating skelebots*.
And thus so began the Great Skelebot Uprising of 1989. As a particularly cranky skelebot battled Wendy for her space mug full of stale space coffee, Dave attempted to phone ground control. Regrettably, Dave’s fingers, still covered in sticky space syrup, made this task more or less impossible. Wendy was abducted and Dave was left for dead (with a phone stuck to his hand).
* A skelebot is a creature, most likely from hell, that has the head of a robot and the body of a human skeleton. They enjoy space coffee, 80’s New Wave, and animated GIFs. SPACE COFFEE
As Dave and Wendy sat in Dave’s “research” van eating space breakfast (space toast and space syrup), Dave decided to brew up some space coffee. Unfortunately he made the brew way too strong… so strong, in fact, that it blew the space coffee pot’s hermetic seal. “Dammit Dave! The hermetic seal’s been breached! We be doomed my man!” 
Dave clumsily tried to clog the leak with space syrup, but it was too late, the space coffee’s stale aroma had already permeated the perimeter and awakened the hibernating skelebots*.
And thus so began the Great Skelebot Uprising of 1989. As a particularly cranky skelebot battled Wendy for her space mug full of stale space coffee, Dave attempted to phone ground control. Regrettably, Dave’s fingers, still covered in sticky space syrup, made this task more or less impossible. Wendy was abducted and Dave was left for dead (with a phone stuck to his hand).
* A skelebot is a creature, most likely from hell, that has the head of a robot and the body of a human skeleton. They enjoy space coffee, 80’s New Wave, and animated GIFs.

SPACE COFFEE

As Dave and Wendy sat in Dave’s “research” van eating space breakfast (space toast and space syrup), Dave decided to brew up some space coffee. Unfortunately he made the brew way too strong… so strong, in fact, that it blew the space coffee pot’s hermetic seal. “Dammit Dave! The hermetic seal’s been breached! We be doomed my man!” 

Dave clumsily tried to clog the leak with space syrup, but it was too late, the space coffee’s stale aroma had already permeated the perimeter and awakened the hibernating skelebots*.

And thus so began the Great Skelebot Uprising of 1989. As a particularly cranky skelebot battled Wendy for her space mug full of stale space coffee, Dave attempted to phone ground control. Regrettably, Dave’s fingers, still covered in sticky space syrup, made this task more or less impossible. Wendy was abducted and Dave was left for dead (with a phone stuck to his hand).

* A skelebot is a creature, most likely from hell, that has the head of a robot and the body of a human skeleton. They enjoy space coffee, 80’s New Wave, and animated GIFs.

 ·  207 notes

9th July 2013

DRUNKEN SEA URCHIN FROM HELL
"CRIKEY!!!" screamed Dave, “My hermetically sealed jumpsuit’s been breached!!!". “Dammit Dave" screamed Wendy, “What the hell happened this time?". As Dave dropped to his knees gasping for air, he mumbled, “It appeared to be some sort of drunken sea urchin from hell". Wendy punched the sea urchin in the face and reluctantly carried Dave to safety.  Toxicology reports later revealed that the “drunken” sea urchin was actually sober at the time of Dave’s alleged hermetic breach. The sea urchin is currently suing Dave for defamation of character. DRUNKEN SEA URCHIN FROM HELL
"CRIKEY!!!" screamed Dave, “My hermetically sealed jumpsuit’s been breached!!!". “Dammit Dave" screamed Wendy, “What the hell happened this time?". As Dave dropped to his knees gasping for air, he mumbled, “It appeared to be some sort of drunken sea urchin from hell". Wendy punched the sea urchin in the face and reluctantly carried Dave to safety.  Toxicology reports later revealed that the “drunken” sea urchin was actually sober at the time of Dave’s alleged hermetic breach. The sea urchin is currently suing Dave for defamation of character.

DRUNKEN SEA URCHIN FROM HELL

"CRIKEY!!!" screamed Dave, “My hermetically sealed jumpsuit’s been breached!!!". “Dammit Dave" screamed Wendy, “What the hell happened this time?". As Dave dropped to his knees gasping for air, he mumbled, “It appeared to be some sort of drunken sea urchin from hell". Wendy punched the sea urchin in the face and reluctantly carried Dave to safety.

Toxicology reports later revealed that the “drunken” sea urchin was actually sober at the time of Dave’s alleged hermetic breach. The sea urchin is currently suing Dave for defamation of character.

 ·  28 notes

7th July 2013

ELECTRIC RAZOR TED DANSON
Where did it all go wrong? Just an hour earlier they were making out in the back of Dave’s “research” van. Now they stand in silence, fighting not only the gravitational pull of earth, but also the gravitational pull of their heavy hearts. Perhaps Dave should’ve shaved his back before removing his hermetically sealed jumpsuit? Or perhaps Wendy should’ve explained her Ted Danson tattoo before letting Dave remove her hermetically sealed jumpsuit? Regardless, nothing but time (and maybe an electric razor) is gonna fix this thing. ELECTRIC RAZOR TED DANSON
Where did it all go wrong? Just an hour earlier they were making out in the back of Dave’s “research” van. Now they stand in silence, fighting not only the gravitational pull of earth, but also the gravitational pull of their heavy hearts. Perhaps Dave should’ve shaved his back before removing his hermetically sealed jumpsuit? Or perhaps Wendy should’ve explained her Ted Danson tattoo before letting Dave remove her hermetically sealed jumpsuit? Regardless, nothing but time (and maybe an electric razor) is gonna fix this thing.

ELECTRIC RAZOR TED DANSON

Where did it all go wrong? Just an hour earlier they were making out in the back of Dave’s “research” van. Now they stand in silence, fighting not only the gravitational pull of earth, but also the gravitational pull of their heavy hearts. Perhaps Dave should’ve shaved his back before removing his hermetically sealed jumpsuit? Or perhaps Wendy should’ve explained her Ted Danson tattoo before letting Dave remove her hermetically sealed jumpsuit? Regardless, nothing but time (and maybe an electric razor) is gonna fix this thing.

 ·  393 notes

6th July 2013

THE AIR IS OXYGEN GENIUS
After Wendy and Dave had finished collecting all of their specimens for the day, they decided to compete in an all out tug of war. The stakes were quite high, as the winner was to receive the looser’s hermetically sealed helmet. Wendy’s solid core propelled her to an easy victory, and Dave reluctantly detached his hermetically sealed helmet. Moments later he was face down in the mud, apparently dead. Wendy waited a few seconds and kicked him in the head. He screamed “DAMN WENDY! Why’d you kick my head? Am I in hell?”. Wendy replied, “The air is oxygen genius. You only passed out because you were holding your breath like damn fool. Pull yourself together man.” Dave pretended to pull himself together, but deep inside he knew that he was in hell. THE AIR IS OXYGEN GENIUS
After Wendy and Dave had finished collecting all of their specimens for the day, they decided to compete in an all out tug of war. The stakes were quite high, as the winner was to receive the looser’s hermetically sealed helmet. Wendy’s solid core propelled her to an easy victory, and Dave reluctantly detached his hermetically sealed helmet. Moments later he was face down in the mud, apparently dead. Wendy waited a few seconds and kicked him in the head. He screamed “DAMN WENDY! Why’d you kick my head? Am I in hell?”. Wendy replied, “The air is oxygen genius. You only passed out because you were holding your breath like damn fool. Pull yourself together man.” Dave pretended to pull himself together, but deep inside he knew that he was in hell.

THE AIR IS OXYGEN GENIUS

After Wendy and Dave had finished collecting all of their specimens for the day, they decided to compete in an all out tug of war. The stakes were quite high, as the winner was to receive the looser’s hermetically sealed helmet. Wendy’s solid core propelled her to an easy victory, and Dave reluctantly detached his hermetically sealed helmet. Moments later he was face down in the mud, apparently dead. Wendy waited a few seconds and kicked him in the head. He screamed “DAMN WENDY! Why’d you kick my head? Am I in hell?”. Wendy replied, “The air is oxygen genius. You only passed out because you were holding your breath like damn fool. Pull yourself together man.” Dave pretended to pull himself together, but deep inside he knew that he was in hell.

 ·  14 notes

5th July 2013

COIL TURMOIL
As Dave reluctantly reached into the piranha infested waters to pick up the metal coil, he thought to himself “Is this really what I should be doing with my life, I went to college, I have a reliable van, why the hell am I sitting in piranha infested waters in a thrift store space suit?”. As he gazed into the reflection of his pathetic existence, he decided not to pick up the tetanus infested coil. He said “See Ya Wendy” and hopped into his van, which wouldn’t start. Wendy called a tow truck. COIL TURMOIL
As Dave reluctantly reached into the piranha infested waters to pick up the metal coil, he thought to himself “Is this really what I should be doing with my life, I went to college, I have a reliable van, why the hell am I sitting in piranha infested waters in a thrift store space suit?”. As he gazed into the reflection of his pathetic existence, he decided not to pick up the tetanus infested coil. He said “See Ya Wendy” and hopped into his van, which wouldn’t start. Wendy called a tow truck.

COIL TURMOIL

As Dave reluctantly reached into the piranha infested waters to pick up the metal coil, he thought to himself “Is this really what I should be doing with my life, I went to college, I have a reliable van, why the hell am I sitting in piranha infested waters in a thrift store space suit?”. As he gazed into the reflection of his pathetic existence, he decided not to pick up the tetanus infested coil. He said “See Ya Wendy” and hopped into his van, which wouldn’t start. Wendy called a tow truck.

 ·  19 notes
I SHOT A MUSIC VIDEO AND PUT IT ON MY TUMBLR

First off, I’d just like to say that I’m sorry for yet another post. I realize that lately I’ve been overloading this Tumblr Train with way too many posts and that my Tumblr has now officially gone off the rails and is tumbling down a hill with no Denzel Washington to stop it.

That being said, a few months back I shot this music video for the coolest band in Baltimore since The Beatles visited here back in 1964. It’s got all the makings of a pretty cool music video:

1. A sweet red Volvo

2. A drummer named Bonanza 

3. Middle-aged white guys jogging in slow motion

Anyway, please check it out if you have a second.

 ·  16 notes
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