1st August 2013

IT’S REALLY SAD
When she was five years old her father was murdered by a drunken astronaut on a roller coaster in Tennessee. When she was seven years old her mother was murdered by a drunken magician on a ferris wheel in Nebraska. She now spends her weekends in a cheap astronaut costume performing lackluster escape acts in California. It’s really sad. IT’S REALLY SAD
When she was five years old her father was murdered by a drunken astronaut on a roller coaster in Tennessee. When she was seven years old her mother was murdered by a drunken magician on a ferris wheel in Nebraska. She now spends her weekends in a cheap astronaut costume performing lackluster escape acts in California. It’s really sad.

IT’S REALLY SAD

When she was five years old her father was murdered by a drunken astronaut on a roller coaster in Tennessee. When she was seven years old her mother was murdered by a drunken magician on a ferris wheel in Nebraska. She now spends her weekends in a cheap astronaut costume performing lackluster escape acts in California. It’s really sad.

 ·  27 notes

13th July 2013

GUMMY BEAR CITY
As Wendy looked up at the stupid sky she wondered what would kill her first. Would it be the sea urchin she’d punched in the face just a few hours earlier? Would it be the sea urchin’s ex-wife, Wanda, seeking vengeance for her man? Or perhaps it would be the sea urchin’s illegitimate half-sea-cucumber bastard child, Todd, seeking social acceptance in an unforgiving world. Would it even be a sea urchin? Hell, would it even be be a sea creature? Maybe it’d be her ex-boyfriend, Perry Bowser? She never did acknowledge his gummy bear city. Or maybe it would be her former scuba instructor, Dale Hawaii? She never did respect his hermetically sealed speedo. Or maybe it would just be something annoying like sun burn or pink eye. GUMMY BEAR CITY
As Wendy looked up at the stupid sky she wondered what would kill her first. Would it be the sea urchin she’d punched in the face just a few hours earlier? Would it be the sea urchin’s ex-wife, Wanda, seeking vengeance for her man? Or perhaps it would be the sea urchin’s illegitimate half-sea-cucumber bastard child, Todd, seeking social acceptance in an unforgiving world. Would it even be a sea urchin? Hell, would it even be be a sea creature? Maybe it’d be her ex-boyfriend, Perry Bowser? She never did acknowledge his gummy bear city. Or maybe it would be her former scuba instructor, Dale Hawaii? She never did respect his hermetically sealed speedo. Or maybe it would just be something annoying like sun burn or pink eye.

GUMMY BEAR CITY

As Wendy looked up at the stupid sky she wondered what would kill her first. Would it be the sea urchin she’d punched in the face just a few hours earlier? Would it be the sea urchin’s ex-wife, Wanda, seeking vengeance for her man? Or perhaps it would be the sea urchin’s illegitimate half-sea-cucumber bastard child, Todd, seeking social acceptance in an unforgiving world. Would it even be a sea urchin? Hell, would it even be be a sea creature? Maybe it’d be her ex-boyfriend, Perry Bowser? She never did acknowledge his gummy bear city. Or maybe it would be her former scuba instructor, Dale Hawaii? She never did respect his hermetically sealed speedo. Or maybe it would just be something annoying like sun burn or pink eye.

 ·  13 notes

10th July 2013

SPACE COFFEE
As Dave and Wendy sat in Dave’s “research” van eating space breakfast (space toast and space syrup), Dave decided to brew up some space coffee. Unfortunately he made the brew way too strong… so strong, in fact, that it blew the space coffee pot’s hermetic seal. “Dammit Dave! The hermetic seal’s been breached! We be doomed my man!” 
Dave clumsily tried to clog the leak with space syrup, but it was too late, the space coffee’s stale aroma had already permeated the perimeter and awakened the hibernating skelebots*.
And thus so began the Great Skelebot Uprising of 1989. As a particularly cranky skelebot battled Wendy for her space mug full of stale space coffee, Dave attempted to phone ground control. Regrettably, Dave’s fingers, still covered in sticky space syrup, made this task more or less impossible. Wendy was abducted and Dave was left for dead (with a phone stuck to his hand).
* A skelebot is a creature, most likely from hell, that has the head of a robot and the body of a human skeleton. They enjoy space coffee, 80’s New Wave, and animated GIFs. SPACE COFFEE
As Dave and Wendy sat in Dave’s “research” van eating space breakfast (space toast and space syrup), Dave decided to brew up some space coffee. Unfortunately he made the brew way too strong… so strong, in fact, that it blew the space coffee pot’s hermetic seal. “Dammit Dave! The hermetic seal’s been breached! We be doomed my man!” 
Dave clumsily tried to clog the leak with space syrup, but it was too late, the space coffee’s stale aroma had already permeated the perimeter and awakened the hibernating skelebots*.
And thus so began the Great Skelebot Uprising of 1989. As a particularly cranky skelebot battled Wendy for her space mug full of stale space coffee, Dave attempted to phone ground control. Regrettably, Dave’s fingers, still covered in sticky space syrup, made this task more or less impossible. Wendy was abducted and Dave was left for dead (with a phone stuck to his hand).
* A skelebot is a creature, most likely from hell, that has the head of a robot and the body of a human skeleton. They enjoy space coffee, 80’s New Wave, and animated GIFs.

SPACE COFFEE

As Dave and Wendy sat in Dave’s “research” van eating space breakfast (space toast and space syrup), Dave decided to brew up some space coffee. Unfortunately he made the brew way too strong… so strong, in fact, that it blew the space coffee pot’s hermetic seal. “Dammit Dave! The hermetic seal’s been breached! We be doomed my man!” 

Dave clumsily tried to clog the leak with space syrup, but it was too late, the space coffee’s stale aroma had already permeated the perimeter and awakened the hibernating skelebots*.

And thus so began the Great Skelebot Uprising of 1989. As a particularly cranky skelebot battled Wendy for her space mug full of stale space coffee, Dave attempted to phone ground control. Regrettably, Dave’s fingers, still covered in sticky space syrup, made this task more or less impossible. Wendy was abducted and Dave was left for dead (with a phone stuck to his hand).

* A skelebot is a creature, most likely from hell, that has the head of a robot and the body of a human skeleton. They enjoy space coffee, 80’s New Wave, and animated GIFs.

 ·  207 notes

9th July 2013

DRUNKEN SEA URCHIN FROM HELL
"CRIKEY!!!" screamed Dave, “My hermetically sealed jumpsuit’s been breached!!!". “Dammit Dave" screamed Wendy, “What the hell happened this time?". As Dave dropped to his knees gasping for air, he mumbled, “It appeared to be some sort of drunken sea urchin from hell". Wendy punched the sea urchin in the face and reluctantly carried Dave to safety.  Toxicology reports later revealed that the “drunken” sea urchin was actually sober at the time of Dave’s alleged hermetic breach. The sea urchin is currently suing Dave for defamation of character. DRUNKEN SEA URCHIN FROM HELL
"CRIKEY!!!" screamed Dave, “My hermetically sealed jumpsuit’s been breached!!!". “Dammit Dave" screamed Wendy, “What the hell happened this time?". As Dave dropped to his knees gasping for air, he mumbled, “It appeared to be some sort of drunken sea urchin from hell". Wendy punched the sea urchin in the face and reluctantly carried Dave to safety.  Toxicology reports later revealed that the “drunken” sea urchin was actually sober at the time of Dave’s alleged hermetic breach. The sea urchin is currently suing Dave for defamation of character.

DRUNKEN SEA URCHIN FROM HELL

"CRIKEY!!!" screamed Dave, “My hermetically sealed jumpsuit’s been breached!!!". “Dammit Dave" screamed Wendy, “What the hell happened this time?". As Dave dropped to his knees gasping for air, he mumbled, “It appeared to be some sort of drunken sea urchin from hell". Wendy punched the sea urchin in the face and reluctantly carried Dave to safety.

Toxicology reports later revealed that the “drunken” sea urchin was actually sober at the time of Dave’s alleged hermetic breach. The sea urchin is currently suing Dave for defamation of character.

 ·  28 notes
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