Hi, I’m Tanner. I’m 32 years old. I was born in Baltimore. I like cloudy days and fish tanks. I’m married to Vicki. I prefer to call her Bunko. Bunko is pregnant with Bunko Junior. I’m the Dad. We live in Brooklyn. We wish we lived in Baltimore. I like to take photos and make films. If you’d like to hire me to take a photo and/or make a film, please email me at tanneralmon@gmail.com. I also like coffee. Have a happy day! -Tanner Here’s a few Tumblr type links… Here’s a few links to some of my creative type stuff… And here’s a few social media type links… Tumblr (3.0; @tannerblog)http://tannerblog.com/<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzo133r2Ck1qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>BIKE RAMP PAMMY</strong></p> <p>Me: Hey mom, what’s with the bike?</p> <p>My Mom: I’m gonna teach <a href="http://tannerblog.com/post/17519824104/its-a-girl-and-her-name-is-bunko-jr-until">Baby Bunko</a>* to pop wheelies and what nots.</p> <p>Me: Does dad know about this?</p> <p>My Mom: He’s out back building my ramp as we speak.</p> <p>Me: You should get a helmet.</p> <p>My Mom: My fist is my helmet.</p> <p>*name pending</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/17914422327http://tannerblog.com/post/17914422327Sun, 19 Feb 2012 19:25:00 -0500babybikebmxbunkolandscapemarylandmompamproseramptreesawesome<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzew7ahWA71qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>TRIBEARATOPS FROM HELL CONQUERS VALENTINE’S DAY</strong></p> <p>Q. How many girls were lucky enough to get mini cupcakes tonight? </p> <p>A. Millions.</p> <p>Q. How many girls were lucky enough to get a hand crafted Tribearatops tonight?</p> <p>A. Not many. Perhaps only Vicki. I can’t say for sure.</p> <p>Q. Was this the best Valentine’s Day of Vicki’s life?</p> <p>A. Yep.</p> <p>Q. Seriously?</p> <p>A. Well, it was until I told her that she had to share the mini cupcakes. </p> <p>Q. But she was totally into Tribearatops?</p> <p>A. Yep.</p> <p>Q. Seriously?</p> <p>A. No, she hated Tribearatops. She called him a “disturbing dinosaur from hell” and added that “if hell had a hell, he’d be from that hell”. She did however enjoy the gummy bears.</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/17635660830http://tannerblog.com/post/17635660830Tue, 14 Feb 2012 21:01:00 -0500adorablebearcupcakescutedinosaurgummy beartriceratopsvalentines dayvickivalentines day<div> <div> <p><a href="http://mymomreviewsmyphotos.com/post/1610644115/a-rose-is-a-rose-is-a-rose-my-mom-and-toby-say"><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzedbwW7hp1qb7smm.jpg" width="600"/></a></p> </div> </div> <p>Vicki’s eagerly been waiting for flowers since October, so she quite literally has a gigantic water balloon full of anticipation swirling around inside her belly (along with <a href="http://tannerblog.com/post/17519824104/its-a-girl-and-her-name-is-bunko-jr-until">Bunko Junior</a>). If I were to suddenly hand her flowers at this point, that tense balloon would immediately pop and release a gigantic tidal wave of anticipation all over Baby Bunko. </p> <p>So the point is, I gave Vicki a baby, and for the good of the baby, I absolutely cannot give her flowers. Don’t cry for Vicki, cry for me, the tragic guy who wishes he could give his wife flowers but can’t for the good of a fetus.</p> <p>Perhaps I should stop writing “Buy Vicki Flowers” on my <a href="http://mydailyjournalthing.tumblr.com/">sort of daily to do list</a>. </p>http://tannerblog.com/post/17615231507http://tannerblog.com/post/17615231507Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:05:00 -0500babybunkofurballsflowersquestions and answersfetuspregnant<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzb13qcN691qbua3eo1_r1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>IT’S A GIRL</strong></p> <p>And her name is Bunko Jr. until otherwise noted. </p>http://tannerblog.com/post/17519824104http://tannerblog.com/post/17519824104Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:57:00 -0500babybunkobunko the bravecouchdesertsalton seatannervickipregnant<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyiws4xrC01qbua3eo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><strong>MOON WALKERS</strong></p> <p>When I’m not…</p> <p>a. trying to figure how the hell we’re gonna fit a baby in our apartment</p> <p>b. planning my trip to Guatemala to punch Captain Worthless in the face for <a href="http://iphoneosaurusrex.com/post/16646839365/iphoneosaurus-rex-is-extinct">stealing my brand new portable telephone</a> and taking it all the way to freakin’ Guatemala!!!</p> <p>c. gaining weight</p> <p>and/or</p> <p>d. buying Vicki flowers…</p> <p>this is what I’m working on. Actually, I think I can scratch “c” of the list, seeing as I can probably gain weight and use Lightroom simultaneously.</p> <p>Check me out double taskin’ like a clock radio, sweet!</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/16649647070http://tannerblog.com/post/16649647070Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:45:00 -0500salton seaoddastronautsspacelightroomadobemoonoceanlandscapestrange<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly7vlfMcvP1qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly7vlfMcvP1qbua3eo2_500.jpg"/><br/> <br/><p><strong>MAGICAL MOSSBALLS</strong></p> <p>A few months back I purchased these mossballs from the back of some hippie’s van in Williamsburg. Ever since then amazing things have been happening to me. Here’s the top nine…</p> <p>1. My breakfast cereal, whether it be Apple Jacks or Kix, never gets soggy.</p> <p>2. No one has touched my ear inappropriately on the subway.</p> <p>3. All of my socks seem to be accounted for. Finally.</p> <p>4. I stopped having dreams about Vicki dressed as Wolverine devouring all my Sunday morning pancakes.</p> <p>5. Vicki finally admitted that “The Zissou” might be a good name for our pending baby.</p> <p>6. Vicki got a “body pillow” which means I inherited one of her regular pillows!</p> <p>7. My mom finally invited me to one of her Super Mario Dance Parties where everyone swings their arms from side to side.</p> <p>8. No one has yet to invent a cozy winter cap that converts into a coffee mug in case of emergency, which means I still have a chance to blow the minds of millions.</p> <p>9. Vicki can’t seem to stop touching my ear inappropriately. Ohhh yeah! </p>http://tannerblog.com/post/16309589249http://tannerblog.com/post/16309589249Sun, 22 Jan 2012 16:19:00 -0500aquariumcreative writingfish tankinstagramkind of funnylandscapemoss ballnatureprose<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly68ogxwgQ1qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>SALESBABE AND A CHEVY NOVA</strong></p> <p>Vicki was none too thrilled when I made her wear my hat and jacket in this picture. Regardless, she hides her anger well and would obviously make a terrific used car salesman.</p> <p>I mean salesbabe.</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/16253267483http://tannerblog.com/post/16253267483Sat, 21 Jan 2012 18:17:00 -0500vickicarchevy novasnowthumbs upcutegreenpointbrooklyninstagrambabechevynova<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxyx86GWO11qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>BOB AND STEVE FROM THE FUTURE</strong></p> <p>Tonight I ran into Bob and Steve (pictured). They were sent here from the future for one reason and one reason only: to blow up all the sucky people who beg for pepperoni but when the pizza arrives they immediately make a bee line straight for the cheese.</p> <p>All I could say was “Well it’s about damn time Bob… and Steve”.</p> <p>In retrospect I should have said something about Bob and Steve still being names in the future. I wonder what year they were from. With names like Bob and Steve I’m guessing mid 2012.</p> <p>(Taken with <a href="http://instagr.am">instagram</a>)</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/16032937421http://tannerblog.com/post/16032937421Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:26:00 -0500futuresci-fiinstagrampizzascience fictionkind of funnylol<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxwkmdRY0Q1qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>OBSERVATIONS</strong></p> <p>Vicki’s Reaction: “That lady don’t got no pants!”</p> <p>Tanner’s Reaction: “That kid don’t got no head!!!”</p> <p>The point: Me and Vicki have got real bad grammar and Vicki’s got herself some real bad observational prioritization skills.</p> <p>(Taken with <a href="http://instagr.am">instagram</a>)</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15955116568http://tannerblog.com/post/15955116568Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:59:00 -0500legsno headinstagramdisplaymannequinpaul frankobservationsunderpantswindowmanhattan<p>Actually, this has happened several times before and here’s how we fix it…</p> <p>Vicki finds me face down in some shrubbery wearing only my underpants and a furball hat.</p> <p>Vicki: “Duuude, you totally forgot to post to tumblr”</p> <p>Me: “Duuuude, no way, am I in suck city?”</p> <p>Vicki: “Duuude, we should totally build the world’s most unreliable time machine and go back in time and fix this!”</p> <p>Me: “Duuude, that’s totally the best idea ever! I don’t even wanna install seat belts!!!”</p> <p>So that’s basically how we do it.</p> <div> <p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxwbprCyXC1qb7smm.jpg"/></p> </div>http://tannerblog.com/post/15946430536http://tannerblog.com/post/15946430536Mon, 16 Jan 2012 09:42:00 -0500questions and answsersfurballtime machine<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxv0p5DY331qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>MY MAN</strong></p> <p>I’m not quite sure what’s going on here, but I think that at some point Wolverine ripped my man’s face off, yet somehow my man kept it real and ripped Wolverine’s arm off.</p> <p>Either way, my man > Wolverine.</p> <p>(Taken with <a href="http://instagr.am">instagram</a>)</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15906593608http://tannerblog.com/post/15906593608Sun, 15 Jan 2012 16:55:00 -0500decaydilapidatedinstagrammy manwolverineart<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxuy1eRJTQ1qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>AIN’T NO PARTY LIKE A MOSS BALL PARTY!</strong></p> <p>Just ask Dale the snail.</p> <p>(Taken with <a href="http://instagr.am">instagram</a>)</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15903315453http://tannerblog.com/post/15903315453Sun, 15 Jan 2012 15:53:00 -0500my tank is looking damn good these daysfish tankmoss ballinstagramsnail<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxtipqQQ8K1qbua3eo1_500.gif"/><br/><br/><p><strong><a href="http://stufffamouspeopleprobablysay.tumblr.com/">STUFF FAMOUS PEOPLE PROBABLY SAY</a></strong></p> <p>So this just happened.</p> <p>All I can say is tonight’s probably the biggest night of Ted Danson’s life.</p> <p>If by chance you follow along (which I would not recommend, but if you do) you’ll get to see a picture of Vicki’s cute little face on your dashboard every time a post is made!</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15862005887http://tannerblog.com/post/15862005887Sat, 14 Jan 2012 21:35:53 -0500new tumblrblah blah blahgifpoor ted danson<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxqs6g4ykH1qb6tldo1_r1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>HOLY SMOKES!!!</strong></p> <p>Big high fives and hugs to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/12/tanner-almon-mydailyjournalthing-interview_n_1202419.html?ref=arts">The Huffington Post</a> for being duped into thinking that <a href="http://www.mydailyjournalthing.tumblr.com">My Daily Journal Thing</a> qualifies as actual “art”!!! My mom is literally going to flip her pancakes when she sees this!!!</p> <p>Thank you <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kia-makarechi">Kia</a> for the most exposure my “art” is sure to ever get!!! I love you man! Vicki and I will be eating Pizza and Cookie Dough Ice Cream tonight in your honor!</p> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://huffpostarts.tumblr.com/post/15775572996/via-tanner-almons-mydailyjournalthing-artists">huffpostarts</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>(via <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/12/tanner-almon-mydailyjournalthing-interview_n_1202419.html">Tanner Almon’s MyDailyJournalThing: Artist’s Daily Doodles Draw Big Acclaim</a>)</p> <p>Tumblr Fam. Exciting news today: HuffPost Arts has a lunch time IM conversation with Tanner Almon, of <a href="http://mydailyjournalthing.tumblr.com">mydailyjournalthing.tumblr.com</a>. We chatted about chicken teriyaki, Vicki, <em>Parks and Rec</em> and more. </p> </blockquote>http://tannerblog.com/post/15776634112http://tannerblog.com/post/15776634112Fri, 13 Jan 2012 10:33:06 -0500huffington posti'm not worthythank youpress<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxqpjl2oP21qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>TYPICAL FRIDAY MORNING</strong></p> <p>I seriously doubt those shoes provide much, if any, arch support. Also, they kind of look like bags. I’ll be sticking with my New Balance until it’s Old Unbalanced, thank you very much yes sir!</p> <p>(Taken with <a href="http://instagr.am">instagram</a>)</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15774095067http://tannerblog.com/post/15774095067Fri, 13 Jan 2012 08:59:00 -0500daily journalwtfbagsshoeslolinstagrammorningnews paperpen<iframe width="400" height="225" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9D7GfO1okME?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p><strong>HOW TO BE ROMANTIC WITHOUT BEING CHEESY </strong></p> <p>Some generic Apple Jacks and just a hint of syrup are all it takes for Nick to win back the lovely and sugar crazed Jill. </p> <p>Special appearances by <a href="http://tannerblog.com/post/15722916890/beard-patrol-minus-one-reunion-tour-once-upon-a">Beard Patrol</a>, <a href="http://tannerblog.com/post/5313256389/my-mom-on-a-moped-circa-2002-can-your-mom-tame">my Mom</a>, and <a href="http://tannerblog.com/post/11545531125/happy-birthday-mom-i-think-this-picture-of-my">Toby</a>!!!</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15752091465http://tannerblog.com/post/15752091465Thu, 12 Jan 2012 20:46:00 -0500adorableapple jacksbeard patrolcheesycomedycutehow tohowcastlolromanticvideo<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxowrmCnvN1qbua3eo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><strong>BEARD PATROL MINUS ONE REUNION TOUR</strong></p> <p>Once upon a time I was in a toy instrument band known as “Beard Patrol”. Along with Nick “Money Train” Prevas and Geoff “Thunder Thumbs” Thomas, we took Baltimore by storm one night in Geoff’s basement. Our first two hits were “Cowboy Shirt” and “My Mom’s Ex Boyfriends”.</p> <p>“My Mom’s Ex-Boy Friends” was literally about my mom’s ex-boyfriends, with a heavy emphasis on Pam Boyfriend number three, the legendary Perry Bowser (I kid you not, that was his real name). Perry Bowser wrote a particularly randy message to my mom in her high school year book involving ice cubes and a shower cap.</p> <p>Anyway, after the unparalleled success of “My Mom’s Ex-Boyfriends” we obviously had to have a gigantic falling out over a midnight Pancake Breakfast at Denny’s. Beard Patrol was no more.</p> <p>“Money Train” went on to invent a cozy winter cap that served as a coffee mug in case of emergency, “Thunder Thumbs” parlayed his moniker into a lucrative gig as a thumb model for J.C. Penny’s (which ended tragically when he scalded both of his thumbs in an attempt to use “Money Trains” emergency coffee mug), and I started a tumblr and got Vicki pregnant.</p> <p>Anyway, a few weeks ago “Money Train” and I had a Beard Patrol mini-reunion tour in my mom’s hallway. “Thunder Thumbs” boycotted the event and gave it two thumbs down on his very unpopular Wordpress blog.</p> <p>And finally, in case you were wondering, my nickname was Tanner “Butter Beard” Almon.</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15722916890http://tannerblog.com/post/15722916890Thu, 12 Jan 2012 09:45:00 -0500Beard Patrolguitarprosebandkeyboardlolthunder thumbsmoney trainbutter beard<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxnx3mQooj1qbua3eo1_500.gif"/><br/><br/><p><strong>NO STRANGER TO DANGER</strong></p> <p>That’s what my shirt says, although you probably can’t read it due to low quality VHS camera we used to record this. Vicki made me the shirt for my birthday around five or ten years ago. Pictured above the text is an illustration of my goldfish Bert, who had bravely driven cross country with us shortly before these shirts were made. RIP.</p> <p>The place Vicki ordered the shirts from had a minimum order of ten, so I actually have ten of these awesome shirts in a fun assortment of colors. </p> <p>The best thing I ever gave Vicki for her birthday was a set of sharpies. </p> <p>Vicki > Tanner</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15701178276http://tannerblog.com/post/15701178276Wed, 11 Jan 2012 21:08:00 -0500gifhula hooplow firobotvicki is awesomeartists on tumblr<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxne9uABvF1qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>FUTURE PANTS</strong></p> <p>Future people watch in awe as the letter “w” is abolished for having too many damn syllables. The letter “w” will be replaced by the more phonetic “doubleyou”, meaning water is now spelled “doubleyouater” and Wilson Philips is now “Doubleyouilson Philips”.</p> <p>Also, are future people always stressed out about getting their white pants dirty? Is it possible that future pants clean themselves? I hope so.</p> <p>(Taken with <a href="http://instagr.am">instagram</a>)</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15679164449http://tannerblog.com/post/15679164449Wed, 11 Jan 2012 14:03:00 -0500futurewhite pantsinstagramglassesfashionwmannequins<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxlq07sqTD1qbua3eo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>AWESOME OVERLOAD</strong></p> <p>Awesome overload… cannot compute… MAJOR MALFUNCTION!!! Boots will self destruct in 5… 4… 3…. 2… is this heaven?</p> <p>I hope so.  (Taken with <a href="http://instagr.am">instagram</a>)</p>http://tannerblog.com/post/15633395646http://tannerblog.com/post/15633395646Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:21:00 -0500robotsawesomeinstagramvintagecowboy