TANNER BLOG
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Hi, I'm Tanner. I like cloudy days and fish tanks. I have a wife and a kid. I like them as well.
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APOCALYPTIC BUNKO

In August of 1992 Bunko the Brave travelled to the Salton Sea to destroy the man who had stolen not only her Fruit Roll-Up, but also her heart (not to mention her left eye). His name was Ramos, and in middle school he was the lead singer in a glam rock band called “The Glitter Pancake Rebellion”. At the sixth grade talent show he unveiled Clean Sheets are the Best, an epic power ballad about the awesome power of clean sheets. Bunko loved nothing more than sleeping on clean cozy sheets, and as such, her heart swooned for the young Ramos.

The next day at recess Bunko demanded that Ramos be her boyfriend. Ramos told Bunko that he was pretty sure that he was gay, but Bunko wasn’t having it. She immediately declared that they were going steady and that she was ready to have a bunch of babies.

Anyway, after a week of being bossed around by young Bunko, Ramos decided that enough was enough. When Bunko was once again sent to the Principal’s Office for giving Gus, the class Gerbil, a mohawk, Ramos made his move. He broke into Bunko’s “Knight Rider” lunch box and stole her grape Fruit Roll-Up and gave it to Kenny (Bunko’s nemesis and his secret crush). 

Long story short, lunch rolled around and Bunko went ballistic when she found out that her one true love had stolen her grape Fruit Roll-Up. She threw her thermos at Kenny’s head and attempted to give Ramos an Indian Rug Burn. Unfortunately she did not take into account the the glue stick in Ramos’ left hand, which he reluctantly shoved deep into her left eye socket.

She was sent to detention for the next fifteen years and upon release she set out to the Salton Sea to destroy Ramos (apparently that’s where he lived). Unfortunately Ramos, as well as most of the town, was long gone. All she found was an empty bottle of beer, an umbrella, and some dead fish.

NO MATTER HOW HARD SHE TRIES

Poor Bunko just can’t seem to block out the sound of the screaming baby koala bears.

Do not be fooled, Bunko does NOT find the sound to be sad or disturbing, she simply finds it to be annoying… REALLY annoying.

BUNKO THE BRAVE READS A FAN LETTER

It reads as follows…

Dear Bunko the Brave, you are my hero! Every time my teacher puts me in time out for trying to set Bob the Bunny free I punch her in the face! Oh, and guess what, yesterday I threw my desk through the damn window because I thought to myself, “what would Bunko do if ‘the man’ made her share her crayons with a boy?”. I can’t wait for this kindergarten hell to end. 

Over and out,

Coco the Confident

P.S. I want to get a tattoo of you eating pancakes on my bicep but my mom says you don’t eat pancakes. That made me cry. Do you eat pancakes Bunko??? I sure hope so.

NOOOO BUNKO DON’T TOUCH IT!!!

Little known fact: Anything Bunko touches turns into a cupcake.

This sounds awesome until you eat the cupcake and find out little known fact number two.

Little known fact number two: Bunko’s cupcakes are filled with highly addictive and extremely contagious baby koala bear venom. 

OH BUNKO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Seriously, this place does NOT look safe. You already lost one eye in that encounter with the Abominable Snowman’s wife, why risk loosing another? I’m serious, with no eyes you’ll never be able to watch Cucpcake Wars on The Food Network.

APOCALYPTIC BUNKO

Before she came to be known as “Bunko the Brave”, she was simply “Bunko the Broken” from the land of “Bunko the Barren”. The photograph above is actually the first ever documented photograph of young Bunko. Here’s the story of our first encounter…

I was out in the desert on a routine spiritual quest when I stumbled upon this “sunken city”. As I walked around looking for something to steal I saw a young feral woman with one beautiful eye admiring my Bob Seger T Shirt. I fed her some Sour Patch Kids and then we sat in my Honda Element (pictured, far left) and I played her “Night Moves”. A few years later we were married, blah blah blah.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PHOTOSHOP EXCELLENCE 04: “BEHIND THE SCENES OF A MEDIOCRE ANIMATED GIF”

Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at the animated couch jumping GIF that I posted here yesterday. 

I’m not sure why, but the behind-the-scenes of my stuff always seems to be more interesting than my actual stuff. I’m not sure how I feel about that. It’s definitely not a good thing, but I’m not so sure it’s a bad thing either. Regardless, it’s definitely some sort of thing. Actually, I just made up my mind, it’s definitely a bad thing. Damn, that sucks.

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 15 - “IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER”

If you don’t know what famous SNL sketch is being referenced by my title than you are most likely a delinquent kid who could use a visit from motivation speaker Matt Foley.

I’m embarrassed to even write this as I love my wife, but not only did Vicki NOT get the reference, she also went on to add that the van in this photo is nowhere near a river. I clearly married a delinquent who likes to rub it in. Damn. 

Past Christmas Classics: 2008 CHRISTMAS CARD REJECT PHOTOS

No. 01 - “COLLECT CALL GIRL”

In 2008 Vicki and I packed up and headed out to our brand new “vacation dream trailer” to take our annual Christmas Card photo. In this shot Vicki is on the phone trying to reach Carl, the scuba instructor who sold us the alleged “dream trailer”, to let him know that it needed more than a few repairs.

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