TANNER BLOG

Posts tagged animal
This manatee is.. a. stealing the mailbox so that he can pawn it for some kelp. b. trying to eat the mailbox because he ate all his kelp and is still hungry. c. praying that the mailman delivers some envelopes filled with kelp. d. thinking to himself “Dude, how much kelp did I smoke? Is this a mailbox? Should I eat it? I think I’ll eat it.” I’m gonna go with “D”. Just look at his eyes, my man(atee) is baked like a cupcake.

This manatee is..

a. stealing the mailbox so that he can pawn it for some kelp.

b. trying to eat the mailbox because he ate all his kelp and is still hungry.

c. praying that the mailman delivers some envelopes filled with kelp.

d. thinking to himself “Dude, how much kelp did I smoke? Is this a mailbox? Should I eat it? I think I’ll eat it.”

I’m gonna go with “D”. Just look at his eyes, my man(atee) is baked like a cupcake.

STRANGE ADVENTURES IN MARYLAND 01 - “OWLY OWLYINGTON” So a few weekends ago Vicki and I traveled back to Maryland to celebrate her 30th birthday. Along the way we stopped by to see my folks. As soon as we walked in the door my mom made us a pair of her famous “Pammy Milkshakes”. As we struggled to sip the thick milkshakes through our bendy straws, my mom warned us about a viscous “demon attack owl from hell” that had allegedly been terrorizing small dogs in the community. I stress the word allegedly, as she offered up very little in the way of actual “proof”. Now, as many of you know, my mom has a small rather pathetic looking dog named Toby. Although Toby is often mistaken for an ugly cat and/or ferret and contributes absolutely nothing to society, my mom nonetheless loves him very much and was absolutely freaked out about the owl. She had gone so far as to build a small green cloak for Toby so that he would blend in with the grass when out for walks. Anyway, long story short, once I was done my milkshake my mom demanded that my father and I set out to “destroy the owl”. So my dad and I put on some old hockey gear, grabbed our sling shots, and headed out to do some damage. Neither of us thought there was a chance in hell we’d find the owl, and to be honest, we weren’t so sure it even existed.  As we walked along with our slingshots my dad and I traded stories about Toby’s seemingly endless supply of pathetic-ness. I was deep into a story about the time Toby got his head trapped in one of those plastic hamster balls when my dad yelled “God damn it’s an owl”. I looked up and there he was, looking right at me like I was some kind of hipster doofus. So yeah, my dad and I raised our slingshots and just as we were about to shoot my dad said “Hold on a second son, this here owl’s a majestic creature of nature, how’s about we let him live”. “What about Toby?” I asked. My dad replied “Toby’s just a rat that barks, Owly Owlington here is a champion of nature”. “Did you just call him Owly Owlington?” I asked. “Yep” he said. “What about Owlbert Einstein?” I asked. “Nope, his name’s Owly Owlington”.  And that’s the story of Owly Owlington. EDIT: I forgot to mention that my sister’s boyfriend, John, was also along for the adventure to destroy Owly Owlington. He lagged behind a bit as I think he saw the whole ordeal as a bit, shall we say, unnecessary and pointless. However, he did have a few good alternate name suggestions for Owly Owlington, including Owl Bundy and Owlan Rickman. Here’s a wide shot of Owly Owlington and his tree…  

STRANGE ADVENTURES IN MARYLAND 01 - “OWLY OWLYINGTON”

So a few weekends ago Vicki and I traveled back to Maryland to celebrate her 30th birthday. Along the way we stopped by to see my folks. As soon as we walked in the door my mom made us a pair of her famous “Pammy Milkshakes”. As we struggled to sip the thick milkshakes through our bendy straws, my mom warned us about a viscous “demon attack owl from hell” that had allegedly been terrorizing small dogs in the community. I stress the word allegedly, as she offered up very little in the way of actual “proof”.

Now, as many of you know, my mom has a small rather pathetic looking dog named Toby. Although Toby is often mistaken for an ugly cat and/or ferret and contributes absolutely nothing to society, my mom nonetheless loves him very much and was absolutely freaked out about the owl. She had gone so far as to build a small green cloak for Toby so that he would blend in with the grass when out for walks.

Anyway, long story short, once I was done my milkshake my mom demanded that my father and I set out to “destroy the owl”. So my dad and I put on some old hockey gear, grabbed our sling shots, and headed out to do some damage. Neither of us thought there was a chance in hell we’d find the owl, and to be honest, we weren’t so sure it even existed. 

As we walked along with our slingshots my dad and I traded stories about Toby’s seemingly endless supply of pathetic-ness. I was deep into a story about the time Toby got his head trapped in one of those plastic hamster balls when my dad yelled “God damn it’s an owl”. I looked up and there he was, looking right at me like I was some kind of hipster doofus.

So yeah, my dad and I raised our slingshots and just as we were about to shoot my dad said “Hold on a second son, this here owl’s a majestic creature of nature, how’s about we let him live”. “What about Toby?” I asked. My dad replied “Toby’s just a rat that barks, Owly Owlington here is a champion of nature”. “Did you just call him Owly Owlington?” I asked. “Yep” he said. “What about Owlbert Einstein?” I asked. “Nope, his name’s Owly Owlington”. 

And that’s the story of Owly Owlington.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that my sister’s boyfriend, John, was also along for the adventure to destroy Owly Owlington. He lagged behind a bit as I think he saw the whole ordeal as a bit, shall we say, unnecessary and pointless. However, he did have a few good alternate name suggestions for Owly Owlington, including Owl Bundy and Owlan Rickman.

Here’s a wide shot of Owly Owlington and his tree…

 

RIGBY IN JAPAN 01 - “RABBIT RIDIN’ RIGBY” Yep, it’s true, we shoved Rigby in a suitcase and dragged him to Japan. He immediately became obsessed with Japanese game shows and rarely left our hotel room. This unfortunately means that he was not in too many photos. However, he made a brief public appearance once he heard about our new rabbit friend. Rigby’s a lover, not a hater, and he especially loves other animals that may, or may not, be real (much like himself).

RIGBY IN JAPAN 01 - “RABBIT RIDIN’ RIGBY”

Yep, it’s true, we shoved Rigby in a suitcase and dragged him to Japan. He immediately became obsessed with Japanese game shows and rarely left our hotel room. This unfortunately means that he was not in too many photos. However, he made a brief public appearance once he heard about our new rabbit friend. Rigby’s a lover, not a hater, and he especially loves other animals that may, or may not, be real (much like himself).

SAD STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “THE PENGUIN WALK OF SHAME” After three hours the penguin finally blinked and lost the staring contest with Vicki’s dad. In the photo above you can see one of the trainers leading him to the piranha tank, into which he will have to place his flipper for 30 seconds (as a result of loosing the staring contest).  Not to worry though, just as the penguin began to dip his flipper into piranha infested waters Vicki screamed “Don’t do it penguin! This is insane!!! Dad, go hug the damn penguin and let’s go find Tanner some chicken teriyaki”. So Vicki’s dad and the penguin reluctantly hugged it out and off we went to once again NOT find chicken teriyaki in the country that I thought had invented it.

SAD STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “THE PENGUIN WALK OF SHAME”

After three hours the penguin finally blinked and lost the staring contest with Vicki’s dad. In the photo above you can see one of the trainers leading him to the piranha tank, into which he will have to place his flipper for 30 seconds (as a result of loosing the staring contest). 

Not to worry though, just as the penguin began to dip his flipper into piranha infested waters Vicki screamed “Don’t do it penguin! This is insane!!! Dad, go hug the damn penguin and let’s go find Tanner some chicken teriyaki”. So Vicki’s dad and the penguin reluctantly hugged it out and off we went to once again NOT find chicken teriyaki in the country that I thought had invented it.

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 19 - “LITTLE SHRIMP CREATURE FROM HELL” This was the only worthwhile picture that I took while inside the Kochi aquarium and it took FOREVER because… a. Vicki couldn’t hold the damn magnifying glass still b. The little shrimp creature from hell wouldn’t stay still c. I couldn’t figure out how to focus my my damn camera Answer: Definitely not “c”, but I’m torn between “a” and “b”. Also, I can neither confirm nor deny that this creature is in fact a shrimp. But what I can confirm is this… it is certainly, without a doubt, from HELL!!!

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 19 - “LITTLE SHRIMP CREATURE FROM HELL”

This was the only worthwhile picture that I took while inside the Kochi aquarium and it took FOREVER because…

a. Vicki couldn’t hold the damn magnifying glass still

b. The little shrimp creature from hell wouldn’t stay still

c. I couldn’t figure out how to focus my my damn camera

Answer: Definitely not “c”, but I’m torn between “a” and “b”.

Also, I can neither confirm nor deny that this creature is in fact a shrimp. But what I can confirm is this… it is certainly, without a doubt, from HELL!!!

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 07 - “GIANT GERBIL AND VICKI” A few years back Vicki and I spent a weekend in San Francisco. As we were walking to nowhere in particular we crossed paths with a giant gerbil. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, how’d you get so big?”. The gerbil replied “I ate one too many ugly little girls named Vicki”. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, good thing I’m pretty”. The gerbil said “You sure about that?” Vicki and I slowly backed away and spent the rest of the weekend hiding out in a cell on Alcatraz hoping that the giant gerbil didn’t know how to swim.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 07 - “GIANT GERBIL AND VICKI”

A few years back Vicki and I spent a weekend in San Francisco. As we were walking to nowhere in particular we crossed paths with a giant gerbil. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, how’d you get so big?”. The gerbil replied “I ate one too many ugly little girls named Vicki”. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, good thing I’m pretty”. The gerbil said “You sure about that?” Vicki and I slowly backed away and spent the rest of the weekend hiding out in a cell on Alcatraz hoping that the giant gerbil didn’t know how to swim.

CUTE STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “BOX FULL OF AWESOME” No, they’re not mogwais, but still, pretty damn cute. My only gripe is that I wish the one in yellow was wearing blue so they could be named Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. Also, thank you everyone for your brilliant replies to my previous post where I asked the following question… “At what point after midnight does it become safe to feed a mogwai?” Although I received several different ideas and suggestions, they all seem to suggest that an 8am pancake breakfast with a mogwai would be safe. What a relief! Thank you!

CUTE STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “BOX FULL OF AWESOME”

No, they’re not mogwais, but still, pretty damn cute. My only gripe is that I wish the one in yellow was wearing blue so they could be named Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.

Also, thank you everyone for your brilliant replies to my previous post where I asked the following question…

“At what point after midnight does it become safe to feed a mogwai?”

Although I received several different ideas and suggestions, they all seem to suggest that an 8am pancake breakfast with a mogwai would be safe. What a relief! Thank you!