A few months back I purchased these mossballs from the back of some hippie’s van in Williamsburg. Ever since then amazing things have been happening to me. Here’s the top nine…
1. My breakfast cereal, whether it be Apple Jacks or Kix, never gets soggy.
2. No one has touched my ear inappropriately on the subway.
3. All of my socks seem to be accounted for. Finally.
4. I stopped having dreams about Vicki dressed as Wolverine devouring all my Sunday morning pancakes.
5. Vicki finally admitted that “The Zissou” might be a good name for our pending baby.
6. Vicki got a “body pillow” which means I inherited one of her regular pillows!
7. My mom finally invited me to one of her Super Mario Dance Parties where everyone swings their arms from side to side.
8. No one has yet to invent a cozy winter cap that converts into a coffee mug in case of emergency, which means I still have a chance to blow the minds of millions.
9. Vicki can’t seem to stop touching my ear inappropriately. Ohhh yeah!
VICKI BUILDS A “JET FIRE” GLIDER
Nothing funny, clever, ironic, or witty about this one. Just my awesome wife, Vicki, demonstrating how to build and tame a “Jet Fire” Glider. Ameila Earhart would be proud.
Actually, the ending is kind of funny because the Glider clearly crashes.
My favorite part is when she talks about “the canopy, with the little pilot inside”.
Finally, I’m not sure if I mentioned this here before, but the reason I married Vicki had nothing to do with her pretty elbows or yummy earlobes, it was all about her insane glider making skills.
Every Sunday me and Rigby clean the fish tank and watch The Life Aquatic. Vicki can’t stand “The Zissou”, so she usually locks herself in our bathroom and cries until the credits roll.
MY JOURNAL ENTRY OF THE WEEK - “BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY”
Although my literal interpretation of Bees Knees was a close runner up, I liked this one best for three reasons…
1. I like how the little girls are each holding coffee mugs.
2. I like that the “Success” motivational poster portrays a cat riding in a tank.
3. I kind of like my idea about taking portraits of folks chewing on pens. I had two terrible experiences in high school where pen ink exploded all over my face without me realizing it, and while it sort of sucked at the time, I think it would’ve made a pretty good portrait.
Anyway, if you’d like to see more of my daily journal entries click here. Most of em are mediocre at best, but whatever, it’s cool.
THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH TANNER’S TANK
EPISODE 01: “SHY BEGINNINGS”
So here’s a few pictures of my fish tank project so far. I’d thought by now my fish would come out and let me photograph them, but no, they’re still hiding out in the damn corner like a gang of Baltimore drug dealers. The guy at the fish store told me that they came directly from an Amazonian River and are thus “completely freaked the hell out” by captivity.
So yeah, I guess for now these wide shots are gonna have to do. On behalf of my pack of shy drug dealing cardinal tetras, I offer my sincerest apologies for lack of glorious close up fish shots.
Note to self: Get a MACRO lens!!!
Also, sometimes I see Bunko hangin’ out by the back left corner of the tank. Say it ain’t so Bunko, say it ain’t so!
THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH RIGBY ZISSOU
Once my fish decide to stop hiding in the damn corner and come out for their inaugural photo shoot I’ll post some real photos. Until then this gratuitously vintage instagram porn will have to do.
Plants and polaroids keep fish happy.
THRITY FREAKIN’ TWO
So Vicki just reminded me that today is my thirty second birthday. This was my reaction.
Anyway, I had planned on spending the day as my normal grumpy-grump self struggling to learn Adobe After Effects, but Vicki has convinced me to leave the apartment to go get some fish for the aquarium I got for my birthday exactly one year ago today. That’s right, there’s been a 30-gallon fish tank, full of water mind you, sitting fish-less and plant-less for 365 days in the corner of our living room. That tank is a true testament to just how lazy I can be when I put my mind to something. Here’s a picture that pretty much sums up the complete failure of my 31st year on earth…
Anyway, if by chance I’m following you, and you just realized that I’m old enough to be your dad, feel free to let me know if you’d prefer that I un-follow you. It’s bad enough I’m an old lazy dude, I sure as hell don’t want to be a creepy old lazy dude.
Also, go Baltimore Orioles!
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 10 - “MY COLLEGE DORM ROOM, DAY 1”
Apparently I was keeping things pretty simple my freshman year. All I needed was a fish tank and a bed and I was good to go. From the looks of things I didn’t even need a blanket.
Unfortunately my minimalist lifestyle didn’t last too long. By the end of the semester I had splurged on a Beastie Boys poster, a microwave, and yes, even a blanket.
It sure paid to work at the UMBC Yum Shop.
Damn, I miss college.
COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 20 - “THE SHOWDOWN”
Once this penguin locked eyes with Vicki’s dad it was on. Whoever blinked first had to stick their hand and/or flipper in the piranha tank for thirty seconds.