BUNKO FORGETS HER CHAPSTICK
As she waits to die,
she looks up at the sky,
and wonders why,
her lips are dry.
BUNKO LEAVES A MAN BEHIND
He cries for help,
she turns her head,
he’s stuck in kelp,
and left for dead.
I took this photo at least six years ago and just scanned it today. There are several hundred similar negatives that have been sitting in a box under my bed for years. It’s pathetic. And don’t get me started on getting prints made. Of all photos Vicki and I have taken together over the years, I’ve printed one, which is better than zero, but still, quite pathetic.
Anyway, if you look up pathetic in the dictionary, you’ll probably won’t even find my name, because I’m so pathetic.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!”
So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project.
Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks!
Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks.
Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal?
THRITY FREAKIN’ TWO
So Vicki just reminded me that today is my thirty second birthday. This was my reaction.
Anyway, I had planned on spending the day as my normal grumpy-grump self struggling to learn Adobe After Effects, but Vicki has convinced me to leave the apartment to go get some fish for the aquarium I got for my birthday exactly one year ago today. That’s right, there’s been a 30-gallon fish tank, full of water mind you, sitting fish-less and plant-less for 365 days in the corner of our living room. That tank is a true testament to just how lazy I can be when I put my mind to something. Here’s a picture that pretty much sums up the complete failure of my 31st year on earth…
Anyway, if by chance I’m following you, and you just realized that I’m old enough to be your dad, feel free to let me know if you’d prefer that I un-follow you. It’s bad enough I’m an old lazy dude, I sure as hell don’t want to be a creepy old lazy dude.
Also, go Baltimore Orioles!
The thing about digital
is that it captures Furball details WAY better than the Fuji Instax Mini ever could’ve dreamed of. I think this photo perfectly demonstrates why that is certainly NOT a good thing.
What is a good thing is that I think I found myself a new Twitter profile picture! Gotta love Furballs with underbites!
SPACE FURBALLS MAKES ME SAD
Because I’ll be staring at them all damn weekend as I try to manipulate their space-age furball bodies in Adobe After Effects. But before I can even get started on that inevitable motion graphics disaster, I’m first gonna have to cut these furballs out from their backgrounds in Photoshop, which unfortunately will be quite a bit harder than originally anticipated.
Way to shoot grey fuzzy hats in front of big grey wall Tanner! Of all the colors in the world so shoot a grey fuzzy hat in front of, you picked the absolute worst one for what you are trying to do! Congratulations, here’s a free iPhone so you can call your mom and tell her just how much of a disappointment you really are!!!
Finally, in case you are curious as to what the graffiti behind me says, here ya go…
“MY FREEZER IS MY HUSBAND AND MY HUSBAND IS MY FREEZER”
Apparently a woman near where I live married a freezer. She’s gonna have way more fun this weekend with her freezer husband than I’m gonna have with After Effects, that’s for sure.
Past Christmas Classics: 2004 CHRISTMAS CARD
“WE WISH YOU A MERRY LASSO”
So we ended up going with this one. Aside from having the best formal composition, it simply screams “GET YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOES ON AND LET’S DO THIS THING!!!”
Not that this needs explaining, but the lasso is meant to represent the hoops Rudolph had to jump through to prove himself, and the salute is an obvious ode to my childhood hero, the legendary Yukon Cornelius. Bumbles Bounce!!!
Past Christmas Classics: 2004 CHRISTMAS CARD REJECT PHOTOS
No. 05 - “THE SAD ASTRONAUT”
An okay photo but damn if it isn’t just another big ol’ Debbie Downer. Why did I have to look so down trodden? Probably because I was wearing a tie.
Damn you neck ties!!! Why you gotta go and down my trodden!!!