TANNER BLOG

CONFUSING STUFF IN JAPAN 02 - “AKASHI AND MELISSA LOVE PETER GABRIEL”

Pictured above is a close-up of a Japanese ema. What’s an ema you ask? Well, according to the internet an ema is a “small wooden plaque found in Japanese shrines onto which patrons write down prayers or wishes”.

I saw quite a few emas during my day spent in Kyoto, but only one was worthy of the What Up With That Ema? award. So, without further ado, I present the first ever What Up With That Ema? award to…

AKASHI AND MELISSA!!!

Congratulations you two, the ema you created together on November 7th, 2010 made very little sense to me!!! Here is what I found to be most confusing about your ema…

1. I see that “retardation” is first on your list, followed by a smiley face. So I gotta ask, are you wishing and/or praying for retardation?

2. Why the “RPG”? I get that you obviously mean “Remember Peter Gabriel”, which is nice and all, but lets be honest, Genesis was nothing until Phil Collins took the helm. Also, as far as I know, Peter Gabriel is still alive, so why the need to remember him? 

3. Your third line reads as follows… “BRIGHT FUTURE. WILD AND STUPID.” I’m sorry, but you can’t have both. Either cross out the “bright future” bit if you want to be stupid, or cross out the “wild & stupid” bit if you want a bright future. You can’t have it both ways… you just can’t.

4. You wrote “BEACH!” twice, which is fine, but it’s redundant and irritating to the viewer. Next time just one “BEACH!” will do, thank you.

Finally, if Akashi or Melissa ever read this, please know that I am just joking and absolutely adore your ema! I truly hope that you two are relaxing on a beach somewhere jammin’ out to some classic Peter Gabriel. And Akashi, if you ever think about marrying Melissa, I think you should invest in a boom box and go the whole John Cusack In Your Eyes route, she’ll love it, trust me.

Anyway, here’s a few more photos of some of the less interesting ema I saw while in Japan…

GREAT MOMENTS IN PHOTOSHOP EXCELLENCE 03 - “BLINKING JAPANESE PHONE BOOTH”

Question: Do I regret wasting twenty-seven consecutive hours creating this animated GIF in photoshop?

Answer: No way, it’s sooooooooo awesome.

Question: Do I regret missing Vicki’s 30th birthday bowling party to create this GIF?

Answer: No comment.

Question: Does my black eye hurt?

Answer: Maybe.

Question: Seriously, was making this GIF worth it?

Answer: Not really. I actually start to get sick if I stare at it for too long. Ughh… make it stop!

Anyway, my main man Nick just wrote a really cool story about the photo behind this GIF for a new website called SAINT LUCY. If you like photography, creative writing, and/or Baltimore definitely check it out!

Oh, and my main man Nick also just started a Tumblr of original artwork inspired by the hit 90’s television show Beverly Hills 90210. It’s called West Beverly High Art Club, definitely check it out as the artwork is quite impressive. Also, I believe that they are accepting submissions, so you may wanna think about digging up that charcoal drawing you did of Luke Perry’s misty eyes in 1995.

RIGBY IN JAPAN 01 - “RABBIT RIDIN’ RIGBY”

Yep, it’s true, we shoved Rigby in a suitcase and dragged him to Japan. He immediately became obsessed with Japanese game shows and rarely left our hotel room. This unfortunately means that he was not in too many photos. However, he made a brief public appearance once he heard about our new rabbit friend. Rigby’s a lover, not a hater, and he especially loves other animals that may, or may not, be real (much like himself).

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 19 - “LITTLE SHRIMP CREATURE FROM HELL”

This was the only worthwhile picture that I took while inside the Kochi aquarium and it took FOREVER because…

a. Vicki couldn’t hold the damn magnifying glass still

b. The little shrimp creature from hell wouldn’t stay still

c. I couldn’t figure out how to focus my my damn camera

Answer: Definitely not “c”, but I’m torn between “a” and “b”.

Also, I can neither confirm nor deny that this creature is in fact a shrimp. But what I can confirm is this… it is certainly, without a doubt, from HELL!!!

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 16 - “COOL COWBOYS LIVE IN OLD MOVIES”

This sign was so awesome, yet so confusing, all at the same time. Here’s how our little sign adventure went down…

Me: “I’m so confused? Is this sign pro-smoking or anti-smoking? I think it’s gotta be anti-smoking, right? But at the same time it’s making me want to smoke, so I’m not sure what to think. I’m torn Vicki… I’m a torn man.”

Vicki: “Good grief torn man! It’s not even about smoking! It’s about littering.”

Me: “Really, I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure it’s definitely about smok”

Vicki (yelling): “IT’S SO OBVIOUS!!!”

At this point I give Vicki a grumpy look and then proceed to closely examine the sign for about thirty seconds.

Me: “Hmmm… I see what you’re saying, but the question nonetheless remains… is it pro-littering or anti-littering? As such, I remain a torn man.”

Vicki: “AGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

An awkward silence ensues. After a minute or so I break the tension with this little gem…

Me: “So, whaddya think the odds are of us actually finding chicken teriyaki today?”

At this point Vicki threw her cup of coffee at me.

Me: “Looks like someone is living in an old movie!”

Vicki (reluctantly): “Okay… that’s actually kind of funny.”

DEATH ARRIVES IN BROOKLYN… ON A HORSE

Last night I posted this photo on my iphone tumblr and one of my favorite Tumblr Aussie friends, iwillnothangmyselftoday, replied with this awesome message…

“Wait, is someone actually throwing out a black rider for hard rubbish collection? Where you live is amazing, Tanner. Who are these people?!”

I loved this reply and yes, it’s true, someone was throwing out this “black rider” (we just call him “death” here in America). I wanted to bring him home with me but a) he was heavy, and b) Vicki would have killed me. It’s funny if you think about it… had I brought death into our home I would have literally died, well played death… well played. Oh, and if you look closely, there’s a blue stuffed animal laying on the ground behind death. He appears to be dead but hopefully he’s just sleeping.

Anyway, back to your question… I don’t know who these crazy Brooklyn people are, but a few months ago Vicki and I were outside our apartment hula hooping on buckets while wearing furball hats, so I’m not really one to judge.

CUTE STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “BOX FULL OF AWESOME”

No, they’re not mogwais, but still, pretty damn cute. My only gripe is that I wish the one in yellow was wearing blue so they could be named Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.

Also, thank you everyone for your brilliant replies to my previous post where I asked the following question…

“At what point after midnight does it become safe to feed a mogwai?”

Although I received several different ideas and suggestions, they all seem to suggest that an 8am pancake breakfast with a mogwai would be safe. What a relief! Thank you!

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 11 - “PLAYBOY HI-TOPS”

It’d be cool if Tumblr made a similar pair of custom hi-tops.

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 10 - “WHALEORAMA DIORAMA”

As I was walking through Kochi Castle in my socks I stumbled upon this rather incredible diorama. Even if you’re a die-hard animal rights activist you’ve gotta admit two things…

1. This diorama is better than any diorama you’ve ever made.

2. Their teamwork is better than any teamwork you’ve ever had.

Here’s a few more pictures…