HELMET-CAM DIDN’T START THE FIRE
I’m sorry for yet another post, I realize my Tumblr is getting out of hand. You’re mom’s probably like “Why’s Tanner all up on your dashboards 24/7??? Doesn’t he have to make coffee for Baby Cannonball? I hear that girl drinks coffee. What’s his deal?”. Anyway, you’re mom’s right, I gotta go buy some Folgers.
That being said, my friend Carl helped me design a sweet helmet rig that allows me to attach my Canon 5D Mark II to the front of a motorcycle helmet, so I can get some really swell POV shots. Special thanks to Bunko and Baby Cannonball for keepin’ the dream alive.
Poor Bunko, she never learned how to catch.
BABY CANNONBALL BEYOND THUNDER DOME
When Mad Max was arrested for rollerblading naked in the Tina Turner’s Thunder Dome, a pissed off Baby Cannonball swung into action (literally). First, she squeezed her cannonball shaped body into her hyperbolic neoprene jump suit. Next, she shoved her cannonball shaped head into her hermetically sealed bunny helmet. After this, she took a nap.
When she woke up she downed a cup of black coffee and headed out to her green space pod to travel back in time to punch Mad Max in the face for wearing rollerblades.
This is Baby Cannonball. Baby Cannonball drinks coffee.
EMI’S BABY DANCE PARTY
Yesterday I had the pleasure of working all day shooting hip hop dance videos with the super talented and super fun Seabreeze, which inspired Vicki and myself to get Emi going on a daily hip hop dance regimen. Her first lesson went pretty well, although she wasn’t to thrilled with the “Thunder Clap”. Her “Raise the Roof, Paint the Ceiling” Combo, however, is fresh like a clean pair of socks!
LIL’ MISS SCHEMER IS ALWAYS SCHEMING
Baby Bunko is plotting to…
a. Completely obliterate her tenth diaper of the day.
b. Throw a co-ed naked pacifier party in her playpen.
c. Hitchhike to Portland to live with the most best dad on tumblr, John Carleton.
d. Convince Vicki to feed her a cheeseburger.
e. Play Nicolas Cage’s nemesis in every move he makes from here on out.
f. All of the above.
SUPER MARIO BABY
I can say with 90% certainty that the plunger you see here was probably never in a toilet or on a bathroom floor.
I can say with 10% certainty that the plunger you see here was probably in a toilet and on a bathroom floor.
BOOM!!! BABY BUNKO BORN!!!
So Bunko the Brave, aka Vicki, finally gave birth to Baby Bunko, aka Emi (pronounced Emmy, it’s Vicki’s grandma’s name).
Weighing in at 6 pounds 5 ounces, Baby Bunko enjoys burping, sneezing, and hiccuping. I’m not quite sure if she enjoys being forced into silly poses for my pictures, but she hasn’t said “no” yet, so I guess that must mean she likes it.
I’m thinking about starting up My Mom Reviews My Photos again, this time with daily instagram pictures of Emi. I’m not sure if Pam and Toby would be on board or not, stay tuned.
BIKE RAMP PAMMY
Me: Hey mom, what’s with the bike?
My Mom: I’m gonna teach Baby Bunko* to pop wheelies and what nots.
Me: Does dad know about this?
My Mom: He’s out back building my ramp as we speak.
Me: You should get a helmet.
My Mom: My fist is my helmet.
When are you going to buy Vicki flowers!? I've been waiting forever for you to check that off your to-do list!
Vicki’s eagerly been waiting for flowers since October, so she quite literally has a gigantic water balloon full of anticipation swirling around inside her belly (along with Bunko Junior). If I were to suddenly hand her flowers at this point, that tense balloon would immediately pop and release a gigantic tidal wave of anticipation all over Baby Bunko.
So the point is, I gave Vicki a baby, and for the good of the baby, I absolutely cannot give her flowers. Don’t cry for Vicki, cry for me, the tragic guy who wishes he could give his wife flowers but can’t for the good of a fetus.
Perhaps I should stop writing “Buy Vicki Flowers” on my sort of daily to do list.
IT’S A GIRL
And her name is Bunko Jr. until otherwise noted.