BUNKO LEAVES A MAN BEHIND
He cries for help,
she turns her head,
he’s stuck in kelp,
and left for dead.
BIKE RAMP PAMMY
Me: Hey mom, what’s with the bike?
My Mom: I’m gonna teach Baby Bunko* to pop wheelies and what nots.
Me: Does dad know about this?
My Mom: He’s out back building my ramp as we speak.
Me: You should get a helmet.
My Mom: My fist is my helmet.
When are you going to buy Vicki flowers!? I've been waiting forever for you to check that off your to-do list!
Vicki’s eagerly been waiting for flowers since October, so she quite literally has a gigantic water balloon full of anticipation swirling around inside her belly (along with Bunko Junior). If I were to suddenly hand her flowers at this point, that tense balloon would immediately pop and release a gigantic tidal wave of anticipation all over Baby Bunko.
So the point is, I gave Vicki a baby, and for the good of the baby, I absolutely cannot give her flowers. Don’t cry for Vicki, cry for me, the tragic guy who wishes he could give his wife flowers but can’t for the good of a fetus.
Perhaps I should stop writing “Buy Vicki Flowers” on my sort of daily to do list.
IT’S A GIRL
And her name is Bunko Jr. until otherwise noted.
PLEASE BUNKO DON’T HURT ‘EM
Here’s a sneak peak at what I’m working on when I’m not working. High fives and hugs to anyone who can name the album that the title of this post is referencing.
Hint: It’s only the best album of all time and the recording artist was famous for wearing big baggy shiny pants.
NO MATTER HOW HARD SHE TRIES
Poor Bunko just can’t seem to block out the sound of the screaming baby koala bears.
Do not be fooled, Bunko does NOT find the sound to be sad or disturbing, she simply finds it to be annoying… REALLY annoying.
BUNKO UNDER PRESSURE
There are eleven baby koala bears trapped inside of this trailer. As Bunko struggles to prevent it from tumbling over, she reluctantly absorbs the collective thoughts of the baby koalas. They are thinking, “Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air was so much better once they got rid of the original Aunt Vivian”. Bunko loved the original Aunt Vivian and couldn’t stand the replacement Aunt Vivian, and as such, she considers just letting the damn thing fall.
Not Pictured: Bunko just letting the damn thing fall.
Also Not Pictured: Eleven dead baby koala bears in a pool of their own blood.
BUNKO WANTS HER PANCAKES
But she can’t have them because of this impenetrable barrier full of rust and the deadly bacterium, Clostridium Tetani. So once again, Carl, the zombie swim team coach, has gotten away with all of Bunko’s pancakes. Poor Bunko, she was really craving those pancakes.
Fun Fact: Clostridium Tetani is the bacterium responsible for Tetanus, an infection of the nervous system that causes violent muscle spasms and excessive drooling in humans. Unfortunately for Bunko, zombie swim team coaches actually enjoy tetanus.
Note: If you look closely at this fence you’ll see that at one point it had split apart and some awesome person had patched it back together. I wish I was they type of guy who saw broken fences and fixed them, but instead I just take pictures of them and keep on walkin’. I salute you, mystery fence repairman! The world needs more “can-do” folks like you!
BUNKO THE BRAVE READS A FAN LETTER
It reads as follows…
Dear Bunko the Brave, you are my hero! Every time my teacher puts me in time out for trying to set Bob the Bunny free I punch her in the face! Oh, and guess what, yesterday I threw my desk through the damn window because I thought to myself, “what would Bunko do if ‘the man’ made her share her crayons with a boy?”. I can’t wait for this kindergarten hell to end.
Over and out,
Coco the Confident
P.S. I want to get a tattoo of you eating pancakes on my bicep but my mom says you don’t eat pancakes. That made me cry. Do you eat pancakes Bunko??? I sure hope so.