TANNER BLOG

Posts tagged chicken teriyaki
offcuts asked:
Tanner! So I checked my Japanese copy of Norwegian Wood and where the English one says "chicken teriyaki" the Japanese one says "mushroom soup"!

So the plot has thickened!!! They say that still waters run deep, and while that may be so, they run nowhere near as deep as the Great Chicken Teriyaki Conspiracy of 2010 orchestrated by Vicki and her Grandma. I knew her Grandma was too good to be true. Mark my words, behind every sweet Japanese Grandma lies a sinister plot involving Chicken Teriyaki and Mushroom Soup!!!

As I sink my teeth deeper into this most chewy of conspiracies, I’m quickly becoming convinced that Vicki’s Grandma put her evil plan into motion via a top secret call to Hans Gruber from this sinister phone booth in Kochi.

To be continued…

laviebelem asked:
Tanner! OK chicken teriyaki MUST exist in Japan. It just must. I'm reading Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood right now and right here on page 260 he mentions chicken teriyaki as an "old fashioned cold lunch." The book was originally written in Japanese, so ipso facto there is chicken teriyaki in Japan. I don't think you looked hard enough, my friend. That's the only explanation I can come up with!

Hmmm… if there is in fact chicken teriyaki in Japan the only possible explanation is as follows…

Vicki called up her people in Japan and they decided to pull some sort of sick elaborate Truman Show-esque type hoax on me. I’m pretty sure that every time I approached a restaurant a secret trap door would spin around and hide all of the chicken teriyaki. I’m probably on some reality show right now called “Stupid Americans Looking for Chicken Teriyaki”.

Anyway, thanks for the info Bel. I’ll definitely be confronting Vicki about my conspiracy theory tonight. I know she called her people!!!

If for some crazy reason you’d like to read more tales of my Chicken Teriyaki drama during my recent trip to Japan feel free to click here.

CONFUSING STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “TANNER BATTLES THE VERTICAL SIGN-IN SHEET” So during our one day in Kyoto we spent several hours bouncing around temple to temple. The first temple had this very cool sign-in sheet. Here’s a quick rundown of my train of thought as I stared down at the sheet… 0-7 seconds: Wow, that looks like a shot from a Wes Anderson movie! 8-10 seconds: I’ll sign us in and take a picture! 11-15 seconds: I have no idea how to sign us in. This makes no sense. Do I write up and down? 15-17 seconds: Oh well, I’ll take a picture anyway. It looks cool. 18-25 seconds: Woah! My socks actually match today! Way to be Tanner, way to be!  26-37 seconds: I wonder if that’s a number 2 pencil? Is Japan as obsessed with number 2 pencils as America is? 38-40 seconds: Seriously, what’s the deal with number 2 pencils in America? Would my SAT have self destructed into a ball of flames had I filled in a bubble with a number 3 pencil?  41-51 seconds: Does a number 3 pencil even exist? If so, is anyone ever allowed to use it? It would really suck to be a number 3 pencil and never get used. I hope number 3 pencils don’t exist because if they did I’d feel really bad for them. 52-60 seconds: I wonder if I’m gonna have to take my shoes off in every temple. I hate taking my shoes off. I wish I’d worn flip flops. 61-72 seconds: I’m so sick of Vicki always trying to steal my cozy winter cap. I never ask to borrow her cool gloves that transform into mittens. Why’s she gotta be a devil woman sometimes? 73-81 seconds: If I don’t find some chicken teriyaki today I’m gonna find a number 2 pencil and shove it in my eye just so I can forget about my craving for one second. 82- 86 seconds: I’m not even sure if this is a sign-in sheet. Maybe it’s a sign-out sheet? Good grief, I have no idea what I’m looking at.  87-90 seconds: Why does everyone always hate on The Life Aquatic? I really think it’s Wes Anderson’s best work. 91-100 seconds: I wonder if there’s a line behind me? Should I pretend to write something down?  Anyway, I played it cool and pretended to write something down. Also, I did a bit of research afterwards and the answer is yes, number 3 pencils do exist. I’m not sure what they’re used for, but if I ever have to take another standardized test I’m definitely gonna give a number 3 a shot and see what happens. Don’t worry, I’m not stupid, I’ll be sure to wear a helmet and safety goggles.

CONFUSING STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “TANNER BATTLES THE VERTICAL SIGN-IN SHEET”

So during our one day in Kyoto we spent several hours bouncing around temple to temple. The first temple had this very cool sign-in sheet. Here’s a quick rundown of my train of thought as I stared down at the sheet…

0-7 seconds: Wow, that looks like a shot from a Wes Anderson movie!

8-10 seconds: I’ll sign us in and take a picture!

11-15 seconds: I have no idea how to sign us in. This makes no sense. Do I write up and down?

15-17 seconds: Oh well, I’ll take a picture anyway. It looks cool.

18-25 seconds: Woah! My socks actually match today! Way to be Tanner, way to be! 

26-37 seconds: I wonder if that’s a number 2 pencil? Is Japan as obsessed with number 2 pencils as America is?

38-40 seconds: Seriously, what’s the deal with number 2 pencils in America? Would my SAT have self destructed into a ball of flames had I filled in a bubble with a number 3 pencil? 

41-51 seconds: Does a number 3 pencil even exist? If so, is anyone ever allowed to use it? It would really suck to be a number 3 pencil and never get used. I hope number 3 pencils don’t exist because if they did I’d feel really bad for them.

52-60 seconds: I wonder if I’m gonna have to take my shoes off in every temple. I hate taking my shoes off. I wish I’d worn flip flops.

61-72 seconds: I’m so sick of Vicki always trying to steal my cozy winter cap. I never ask to borrow her cool gloves that transform into mittens. Why’s she gotta be a devil woman sometimes?

73-81 seconds: If I don’t find some chicken teriyaki today I’m gonna find a number 2 pencil and shove it in my eye just so I can forget about my craving for one second.

82- 86 seconds: I’m not even sure if this is a sign-in sheet. Maybe it’s a sign-out sheet? Good grief, I have no idea what I’m looking at. 

87-90 seconds: Why does everyone always hate on The Life Aquatic? I really think it’s Wes Anderson’s best work.

91-100 seconds: I wonder if there’s a line behind me? Should I pretend to write something down? 

Anyway, I played it cool and pretended to write something down. Also, I did a bit of research afterwards and the answer is yes, number 3 pencils do exist. I’m not sure what they’re used for, but if I ever have to take another standardized test I’m definitely gonna give a number 3 a shot and see what happens. Don’t worry, I’m not stupid, I’ll be sure to wear a helmet and safety goggles.

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 23 - “BRIDGE TO TERIYAKIBITHIA” At one point during our Japan adventure we took a five hour train ride from Kochi to Kyoto. As the train chugged along we passed through several breathtaking wintery landscapes, yet I only took two pictures due to the wretched motion sickness that has cursed me since birth (thanks mom). Anyway, as soon as I took this picture I felt like I was for sure going to vomit, so I dropped my head down between my knees and prayed for mercy. At some point I passed out and had the following dream nightmare… We were driving past this bridge in slow motion and I asked Vicki’s dad to translate the sign. He told me that it read “Chicken Teriyaki is on the other side of this bridge”. I screamed for the train to stop but it just kept chugging along as I watched my one chance at Chicken Teriyaki slowly fade away. Once I could no longer see the bridge I looked down and goldfish started floating out of my backpack and I wondered how they were breathing. I then realized that the train was full of water and thus wondered how I was breathing. I suddenly began gasping for air and woke up. Anyway, that dream bothered me the rest of my trip. While the drowning aspect was indeed terrifying, it was missing out on the Chicken Teriyaki that truly haunted the depths of my soul. If you’d like to read more about my terrible Chicken Teriyaki adventures while in Japan please CLICK HERE.

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 23 - “BRIDGE TO TERIYAKIBITHIA”

At one point during our Japan adventure we took a five hour train ride from Kochi to Kyoto. As the train chugged along we passed through several breathtaking wintery landscapes, yet I only took two pictures due to the wretched motion sickness that has cursed me since birth (thanks mom). Anyway, as soon as I took this picture I felt like I was for sure going to vomit, so I dropped my head down between my knees and prayed for mercy.

At some point I passed out and had the following dream nightmare…

We were driving past this bridge in slow motion and I asked Vicki’s dad to translate the sign. He told me that it read “Chicken Teriyaki is on the other side of this bridge”. I screamed for the train to stop but it just kept chugging along as I watched my one chance at Chicken Teriyaki slowly fade away. Once I could no longer see the bridge I looked down and goldfish started floating out of my backpack and I wondered how they were breathing. I then realized that the train was full of water and thus wondered how I was breathing. I suddenly began gasping for air and woke up.

Anyway, that dream bothered me the rest of my trip. While the drowning aspect was indeed terrifying, it was missing out on the Chicken Teriyaki that truly haunted the depths of my soul.

If you’d like to read more about my terrible Chicken Teriyaki adventures while in Japan please CLICK HERE.

SAD STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “THE PENGUIN WALK OF SHAME” After three hours the penguin finally blinked and lost the staring contest with Vicki’s dad. In the photo above you can see one of the trainers leading him to the piranha tank, into which he will have to place his flipper for 30 seconds (as a result of loosing the staring contest).  Not to worry though, just as the penguin began to dip his flipper into piranha infested waters Vicki screamed “Don’t do it penguin! This is insane!!! Dad, go hug the damn penguin and let’s go find Tanner some chicken teriyaki”. So Vicki’s dad and the penguin reluctantly hugged it out and off we went to once again NOT find chicken teriyaki in the country that I thought had invented it.

SAD STUFF IN JAPAN 01 - “THE PENGUIN WALK OF SHAME”

After three hours the penguin finally blinked and lost the staring contest with Vicki’s dad. In the photo above you can see one of the trainers leading him to the piranha tank, into which he will have to place his flipper for 30 seconds (as a result of loosing the staring contest). 

Not to worry though, just as the penguin began to dip his flipper into piranha infested waters Vicki screamed “Don’t do it penguin! This is insane!!! Dad, go hug the damn penguin and let’s go find Tanner some chicken teriyaki”. So Vicki’s dad and the penguin reluctantly hugged it out and off we went to once again NOT find chicken teriyaki in the country that I thought had invented it.

PLACES OF JAPAN 14 - “CUTE LITTLE RED SNOWBALL STAND SHRINE ON CLIFF” As we approached this cute little red building I convinced myself that it would be a Japanese snowball stand. I was literally wondering if they would have a chicken teriyaki flavored snowball, and if so, would I try it, or would I play it safe and go with the tutti frutti. Fortunately it turned out to be a shrine so I didn’t have to make this difficult decision.

PLACES OF JAPAN 14 - “CUTE LITTLE RED SNOWBALL STAND SHRINE ON CLIFF”

As we approached this cute little red building I convinced myself that it would be a Japanese snowball stand. I was literally wondering if they would have a chicken teriyaki flavored snowball, and if so, would I try it, or would I play it safe and go with the tutti frutti. Fortunately it turned out to be a shrine so I didn’t have to make this difficult decision.

PEOPLE OF JAPAN 29 - “IRON CHEF LAYS IT DOWN” I hope you like this guy because today my blog’s gonna be ALL IRON CHEF ALL THE TIME, as I took quite a few photos of this charismatic chef.  When I look at this one I picture that woman with her hand out attempting to “lay it down”. She’s probably saying “I want some some Chicken Teriyaki and I want it now!”. But then the Iron Chef lays it down harder by saying “Damn woman, step off, this is Japan, there’s no Chicken Teriyaki here!!!”.  Note: Quite a few of you seemed to think that I was joking when I said in a previous post that there was “no Chicken Teriyaki in Japan”. Trust me, that was no joke. I spent 8 days in Japan and at every single meal (even breakfast) I attempted to order Chicken Teriyaki. Not once did I get it. I’m pretty sure it’s an American thing.

PEOPLE OF JAPAN 29 - “IRON CHEF LAYS IT DOWN”

I hope you like this guy because today my blog’s gonna be ALL IRON CHEF ALL THE TIME, as I took quite a few photos of this charismatic chef. 

When I look at this one I picture that woman with her hand out attempting to “lay it down”. She’s probably saying “I want some some Chicken Teriyaki and I want it now!”. But then the Iron Chef lays it down harder by saying “Damn woman, step off, this is Japan, there’s no Chicken Teriyaki here!!!”. 

Note: Quite a few of you seemed to think that I was joking when I said in a previous post that there was “no Chicken Teriyaki in Japan”. Trust me, that was no joke. I spent 8 days in Japan and at every single meal (even breakfast) I attempted to order Chicken Teriyaki. Not once did I get it. I’m pretty sure it’s an American thing.

PLACES OF JAPAN 01 - “SMOKES LIKE TEEN SPIRIT” Actually, maybe it’s steam. Either way it always looks nice on camera. I took this photo as I was on a lunchtime quest to find Chicken Teriyaki, hands down my favorite meal in America. For anyone who thinks that Chicken Teriyaki would be on every menu in Japan, as I did, think again. During our week in Japan I only found Chicken Teriyaki once! Pizza was everywhere, but not Chicken Teriyaki. Outrage I say!

PLACES OF JAPAN 01 - “SMOKES LIKE TEEN SPIRIT”

Actually, maybe it’s steam. Either way it always looks nice on camera.

I took this photo as I was on a lunchtime quest to find Chicken Teriyaki, hands down my favorite meal in America. For anyone who thinks that Chicken Teriyaki would be on every menu in Japan, as I did, think again. During our week in Japan I only found Chicken Teriyaki once! Pizza was everywhere, but not Chicken Teriyaki. Outrage I say!