TRIBEARATOPS FROM HELL CONQUERS VALENTINE’S DAY

Q. How many girls were lucky enough to get mini cupcakes tonight? 

A. Millions.

Q. How many girls were lucky enough to get a hand crafted Tribearatops tonight?

A. Not many. Perhaps only Vicki. I can’t say for sure.

Q. Was this the best Valentine’s Day of Vicki’s life?

A. Yep.

Q. Seriously?

A. Well, it was until I told her that she had to share the mini cupcakes. 

Q. But she was totally into Tribearatops?

A. Yep.

Q. Seriously?

A. No, she hated Tribearatops. She called him a “disturbing dinosaur from hell” and added that “if hell had a hell, he’d be from that hell”. She did however enjoy the gummy bears.

SALESBABE AND A CHEVY NOVA

Vicki was none too thrilled when I made her wear my hat and jacket in this picture. Regardless, she hides her anger well and would obviously make a terrific used car salesman.

I mean salesbabe.

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY WE UP AND GOT MARRIED…

…and this was our “Save The Date” card.

Question: What were your vows?

Answer: My vows were as follows…

Hey Vicki,
My suit is probably very itchy and my collar’s probably way too tight,
but right now I don’t notice because you are so beautiful in your dress that is white.

Hey Vicki,
I promise to start taking you on dates to places besides movies and food courts,
and as a bonus I’ll wear shirts with collars and actual pants, not soccer shorts.

Hey Vicki,
If you ever get sick and can’t get out of bed to make us lunch,
don’t worry, I’ll make you soup with advil and hug you a whole bunch.

Hey Vicki,
Remember that bottle rocket mishap where I ran away because I was so scared…
that was a terrible thing to do, I’m so sorry.

Hey Vicki,
Starting today I promise to protect you from bottle rockets gone awry,
And all other scary things like bad dreams, sharks, and pink eye.

Hey Vicki,
When you turn 80 and look in the mirror and get sad because you have some wrinkles,
don’t worry, bald overweight Tanner will cheer you up with a cupcake full of sprinkles.

Hey Vicki,
I promise to be loyal to you like Patches was to Pam,
If you are the green eggs please consider me your ham.

Question: Did you keep your vows?

Answer: Not so much. I mean, Vicki hasn’t really been attacked by any sharks, so I’ve got that going for me, but other than that… ummmm. I mean, I really wanted my vows to rhyme, so I think that kind of forced me to make some stuff up, just to, you know, get the words to rhyme. Also, I do plan on giving Vicki a cupcake when she turns 80.

MY JOURNAL ENTRY OF THE WEEK: THIS IS YOUR DRUG ON DRUGS

I liked this one best because it throws a spotlight on an issue that our society likes to sweep under the carpet and ignore. That issue is drugs abusing drugs.

It’s a messed up situation that is probably happening in your medicine cabinet right now. Seriously, go check, I’ll betcha anything that your Advil is downing a mouthful of Listerine laced with Tylenol PM.

BUNKO WANTS HER PANCAKES 

But she can’t have them because of this impenetrable barrier full of rust and the deadly bacterium, Clostridium Tetani. So once again, Carl, the zombie swim team coach, has gotten away with all of Bunko’s pancakes. Poor Bunko, she was really craving those pancakes.

Fun Fact: Clostridium Tetani is the bacterium responsible for Tetanus, an infection of the nervous system that causes violent muscle spasms and excessive drooling in humans. Unfortunately for Bunko, zombie swim team coaches actually enjoy tetanus.

Note: If you look closely at this fence you’ll see that at one point it had split apart and some awesome person had patched it back together. I wish I was they type of guy who saw broken fences and fixed them, but instead I just take pictures of them and keep on walkin’. I salute you, mystery fence repairman! The world needs more “can-do” folks like you!

MY JOURNAL ENTRY OF THE WEEK - “BUNKO AND RIGBY ABOUT TO ‘F’ SOME ‘S’ UP”

I liked this one best because the idea of Bunko and Rigby wearing matching eye patches while they “F” some “S” up just really blows my mind in the best possible way. I really wish I had the time and resources to make an animated cartoon about this adorably grumpy duo. Also, I’m pretty happy that I finally exercised. 

If you’d like, you can see more of my daily journal entries here.