MY JOURNAL ENTRY OF THE WEEK: THIS IS YOUR DRUG ON DRUGS
I liked this one best because it throws a spotlight on an issue that our society likes to sweep under the carpet and ignore. That issue is drugs abusing drugs.
It’s a messed up situation that is probably happening in your medicine cabinet right now. Seriously, go check, I’ll betcha anything that your Advil is downing a mouthful of Listerine laced with Tylenol PM.
Do you smoke a lot of weed or what?
YEAH RIGHT I DON’T SMOKE NO WEED!!! WEED IS FOR FOLKS WITH NORMAL BRAINS WHO WANNA BREAK THEIR BRAINS. MY BRAIN’S ALREADY BROKEN SO I DON’T NEED NO WEED!!!
Seriously though, I’ve never touched the weed. To be honest, the only drug that’s ever really been in my body is Advil. Actually, that’s not quite true, I did take Ambien this past December on a flight to Japan and “allegedly” spent twenty or so minutes loudly yelling incoherent gibberish while violently rubbing the back of the seat in front of me. I have no memory of this, but apparently it was quite embarrassing for my wife.
And in case anyone cares, I actually had my first beer ever while in Japan (and my second, and my third). Here’s a picture of me enjoying my third beer ever with the legendary Tokyo Ras…
This manatee is..
a. stealing the mailbox so that he can pawn it for some kelp.
b. trying to eat the mailbox because he ate all his kelp and is still hungry.
c. praying that the mailman delivers some envelopes filled with kelp.
d. thinking to himself “Dude, how much kelp did I smoke? Is this a mailbox? Should I eat it? I think I’ll eat it.”
I’m gonna go with “D”. Just look at his eyes, my man(atee) is baked like a cupcake.
PLACES OF JAPAN 13 - “WAVES CRASH INTO DAVE MATTHEWS”
Actually, on second look, the waves appear to be crashing into rocks, not Dave Matthews. I apologize for the confusion, Vicki and I spent most of this morning making a Dave Matthews Pancake Sculpture and I guess he was just on my mind when I sat down to write this post. Again, if you spent a few hours looking for Dave in this photo, I offer my sincerest apology. This is very embarrassing and hopefully will never happen again.
Note: I know this may be hard to believe, but the only drug I’ve ever been on is Advil. Actually, that’s a lie, I took Ambien once and literally started talking to the walls in our apartment (Vicki had video of this which I unfortunately made her delete when she showed it to me the next morning). Seriously, if you don’t go right to bed when you take Ambien strange things can happen, look it up on Google, it’s scary.
One is white,
the other blue,
but it’s alright,
their love is true.
Read 61 more “poems about my pictures” here.
The “White One” in this photo is my friend Brion. He has cool hair and a website. Check it out.
The “Blue One” in this photo is my friend Walter. He also has cool hair and is an alcoholic pill popper.
HANS & ANDRE
A few days ago I posted a polaroid of Hans & Andre for my “Flashback Friday” post. I mentioned that the polaroid was taken on the set of a frisbee shopping cart adventure film starring Hans and Andre. Well, I found the film and here it is.
After watching this for the first time in probably seven years today here are my thoughts…
1. I was into two very different types of music at the time.
2. I’m not sure what was going on with my hair.
3. I can’t believe I wore that shirt. I love bowling and always have.
4. I used to be in much better shape than I am now. If I were to try any of those stunts today my old man knees would let me have it.
Sweet bats you people are strange, but wholesomely inane in the right kind of way. Tell me, how have you been able to rob the 70's of so much of its kitsch and what sort of drugs do you due on Tuesdays?
Haha! Fortunately for me most of the 70’s kitsch ended up in thrift stores in Glen Burnie, Maryland. The Value Village on Ritchie Highway is a goldmine of old awesome stuff.
In terms of drugs, I’ve never even smoked a cigarette*, although I have been know to throw back quite a bit of Advil on occasion. I blame my mom, anytime I had any kind of illness growing up she’d just throw some Advil at me. I literally took so much Advil as a kid that today I need at least 7 or 8 pills to get rid of a mild headache.
*This is not entirely true. One year when smoking “prop” cigarettes during a Christmas Card photo shoot I decided to light mine for authenticity. At one point I accidentally inhaled and literally threw up a little bit in my mouth.
Mirror mirror on the ceiling,
you give me an uneasy feeling,
can you tell that I like stealing,
and dabble in narcotics dealing.