FURBALLS, PUMPKINS, AND PIZZA… OH MY!
If you’re looking for some easy peasy pranks to pull on Mischief Night, check out this how-to video brought to you by the two most adorable troublemakers in the whole wide world.
For those of you new to the game, click HERE to see the origin of all things furball.
VICKI KILLS RABID SPARROW
This one time a rabid sparrow crashed through my window so I got down on the floor and called Vicki and told her to buy a crossbow on her way home from yoga class.
Twenty minutes later Vicki waked in and shot an arrow right through that sparrow.
TANNER TANNER
This one time I got a perm and I thought it was awesome so I went on the internet and hired a professional photographer to take some glamourous headshots of me so that I could send them to Hollywood and get a job as an actor on the TV show Full House. I was thinking that I could play Danny Tanner’s long lost illegitimate son, Tanner Tanner.
VICKI DOESN’T SHARE THEM APPLES
This one time Vicki and I were at a carnival and I spent my last twenty bucks attempting to win her a stuffed baby porcupine dressed like a bumble bee (I did not succeed). As we were leaving the carnival she got herself a delectable candy apple. I asked her if I could have a bite. She said “You can have a bite when I have a stuffed baby porcupine dressed like a bumble bee”.
The next day I went out and got myself a squirt gun and a wooden bird feeder. I spent the next 364 days shooting that squirt gun through the little hole of the bird feeder. We went back to the carnival and I easily won the stuffed baby porcupine dressed like a bumble bee. I handed it to Vicki and asked for a bite of her candy apple. She replied “I don’t wan’t a stuffed baby porcupine dressed like a bumble bee, I want a stuffed baby bumble bee dressed like porcupine. No bite for you!!!”
Anyway, the most amazing part of this whole story is that she was still chewing on that same damn candy apple nearly a year later.
When Captain America retired he gained some weight,
married a woman he didn’t really love, and had a couple of slacker kids with absolutely zero super hero potential. While he obviously regretted all of these things, his biggest regret in life was trading in his sweet motorcycle for this used mini van so that he could drive his chubby kids to soccer practice, where he would dejectedly watch them pick grass and cry about having to exercise.
MY IPHONE SHOT OF THE WEEK - “THE CALM BEFORE THE CROTCHETY STORM”
I liked this one best because, contrary to popular belief, it proves that tennis and chess can actually peacefully coexist in Brooklyn. That it to say, peacefully coexist until a tennis ball smashes that chess board and the old man on the left grabs his folding chairs and unleashes a can of ballistic crotchetieness all up on those wannabe tennis hipsters.
To see more of my daily iphone photos click here.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 12 - SODA POP COUGH DROP
Several years ago Vicki and I drove out to the Mojave desert and shot a short film called Soda Pop Cough Drop. Vicki played Soda Pop, and I played Cough Drop. The basic premise was as follows…
Soda Pop and Cough Drop are alone in the desert working on a routine goldfish rescue operation.
Cough Drop botches the routine goldfish rescue operation. He blames his epic failure on the water, which he claims “teems with sharks”.
As they nap in their tent during a routine napping operation, Cough Drop has a bad dream about a “half man half shark” creature eating poor innocent goldfish. He can’t sleep so he leaves the tent to fly his goldfish kite.
Cough Drop is abducted by a flying hammerhead shark. As he’s being abducted he lets Soda Pop know via walkie talkie.
Soda Pop spends the rest of the movie trying to rescue Cough Drop from the flying hammerhead shark.
That’s pretty much it. It was a rather terrible filmmaking experience for several reasons…
1. We didn’t have a location planned beforehand, so most of the day was spent looking for a place to shoot.
2. It was a million degrees out.
3. We had no food.
4. We saw a giant snake and that freaked us out the hell out, as we were literally in the middle of nowhere and had zero anti-venom on hand. Had it a) been poisonous and b) bitten us, we probably would have died that day and our bodies would still be out there.
5. In addition to playing every character in the film, Vicki and I also shot the entire thing ourselves, which is not so easy when you’re hot, haven’t eaten, and are fighting a sun that’s setting fast. The possibility of being killed by a wild animal didn’t help much either.
Anyway, I guess that’s about it. Here’s a few behind-the-scenes polaroids of me being abducted by the flying hammerhead shark…
To see this rabbit do a trick check out my groovy stop-motion promotional GIF below…
Oh, and if you want to check out my twitter CLICK HERE. It sort of matches this blog.
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