BUNKO FORGETS HER CHAPSTICK
As she waits to die,
she looks up at the sky,
and wonders why,
her lips are dry.
I took this photo at least six years ago and just scanned it today. There are several hundred similar negatives that have been sitting in a box under my bed for years. It’s pathetic. And don’t get me started on getting prints made. Of all photos Vicki and I have taken together over the years, I’ve printed one, which is better than zero, but still, quite pathetic.
Anyway, if you look up pathetic in the dictionary, you’ll probably won’t even find my name, because I’m so pathetic.
BOOM!!! BABY BUNKO BORN!!!
So Bunko the Brave, aka Vicki, finally gave birth to Baby Bunko, aka Emi (pronounced Emmy, it’s Vicki’s grandma’s name).
Weighing in at 6 pounds 5 ounces, Baby Bunko enjoys burping, sneezing, and hiccuping. I’m not quite sure if she enjoys being forced into silly poses for my pictures, but she hasn’t said “no” yet, so I guess that must mean she likes it.
I’m thinking about starting up My Mom Reviews My Photos again, this time with daily instagram pictures of Emi. I’m not sure if Pam and Toby would be on board or not, stay tuned.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!”
So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project.
Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks!
Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks.
Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal?
TANNER LEARNS AFTER EFFECTS - EPISODE 01
“BASIC ANIMATION WITH KEYFRAMES”
The worst thing about this video is…
a) My pathetic After Effects skills
b) My pathetic vocal skills
c) My pathetic casio keyboard skills
d) All three skills (which in reality are not skills at all, but rather failures) are equally pathetic
I’m gonna go with “c”, although “b” is a close second.
Anyway, long story short I’m currently trying to learn the motion graphics program Adobe After Effects. I’m following along with a great book, Creating Motion Graphics With After Effects, by Trish and Chris Meyer.
At the end of each chapter I plan on making a short silly video to make sure that I really learned what I had read (as opposed to just being a tutorial robot). This is the first of those videos, based on chapter 3 of the book.
I’m still not sure what provoked me to add the improvised sing along voice over, but I think it will likely be a staple of all future videos in this rather lackluster, and probably unnecessary, series.
His mother lied,
and stole his drugs,
when she died,
he got her mugs.
*see the whole show here.
DINOSAUR BRAINWASH HELMET
While digging for Brontosaurus bones at the Salton Sea, this husband and wife team of amateur archaeologists makes an incredible discovery. It is not a dinosaur bone, but rather, some sort of helmet that they conclude must have been worn by dinosaurs. They quickly run a series of rudimentary tests using a magnifying glass and a car battery. Once the results are in they conclude, based on their limited knowledge of the dinosaur mind, that the helmet was probably used by the Triceratops to brainwash the evil Tyrannosaurs Rex into being nice.
See the whole damn show HERE.