She lost her socks,
she lost her shoes,
so in the box,
they look for clues.
On a Saturday morning in 1985 Herb and Mary drove to Sears and purchased their very first color television set. They quickly zoomed home in their Chevy Chevette so that they could catch their favorite cartoon, The Smurfs.
Once home, Herb struggled to carry the TV up the stairs as Mary made some popcorn. Once the popcorn was popped Herb plugged in the TV and they sat back to enjoy The Smurfs. What they saw was shocking in the worst imaginable way, it quite literally turned their world upside down…
You see, up until this point Herb and Mary had only seen the Smurfs in black and white, and as such, Herb had always assumed that they (the smurfs) were brown, and Mary had always assumed that they were purple. They simply could not wrap their heads around the newfound “blueness” of the Smurfs. Their brains quite literally could not process a “blue” they had never believed to be true.
Refusing to smurf in a world where Smurfs were blue, Herb and Mary quickly smurfed their brand new Magnavox on fire and smurfed it out the window. They spent the rest of the day smurfing around with the cardboard box that had once held their brand new Magnovox.
Since his skull,
swelled up real bad,
his hat’s too small,
it makes him sad.
As he tries to smoke,
his heart is broken,
it ain’t no joke,
his mouth won’t open.
No. 03 - “CHRISTMAS DREAMS AND LASER BEAMS”
This one’s pretty similar to the first one but I figured I’d post it for two reasons…
1. I’m rather fond of the title
2. It’s the only one left
No. 01 - “SWEATER MAKES IT BETTER”
Not really sure what to say about the next few photos I’m going to post here, except for that once I realized this vintage Santa lawn ornament could fit on my friend Geoff’s head I got really excited.
A long time ago in a land far away there lived a very sad married couple. The husband was a rather inept boot cobbler and his wife was a bit of a nutter. She’d often laugh hysterically at her husband’s inability to fix boots and then go running out into the forest to “dance with the butterflies”. One day as she was merrily fox trotting through the woods she met an adorable Saint Bernard puppy. He told her that he was a magical canine and offered her three wishes.
Her first wish was for beautiful red butterfly wings, which he immediately granted. Her second wish was a nice thick mustache for her husband, who had always been ashamed of his inability to grow manly facial hair. The puppy happily obliged. Her third wish was for her and her husband to have giant round heads so that they could wear bath tubs as hats. The puppy said that he would try, but warned that it might not work as planned, being that it was actually two wishes, one for her and one for her husband. She said okay and the puppy reluctantly granted the wish. As he’d expected, it did not go quite according to plan. The good news was that they could now wear bath tubs as hats, the bad news was that they no longer had eyeballs or hair.