DON’T “F” WITH GEOFF
This one time my friend Geoff was about to bite into his Auntie Anne’s soft pretzel when some surfer dude in flip flops appeared out of nowhere and stole it! As is often the case in such situations, Geoff calmly removed his shirt, jumped onto his moped, chased down the surfer dude, and ripped off his leg!!!
The moral of this story…
DON’T F WITH GEOFF!!!
Disclaimer: The phrase “Don’t F With Geoff” is copyrighted to Nick Prevas and Geofferson Thomas. If you would like to use it as your company slogan and/or swim team name, I believe that they are currently charging a flat fee of around three hundred dollars for unlimited usage throughout the universe*.
*Universe does not include Nebraska, Jupiter, or the Atlantic Ocean.
My mom on a moped, circa 2002.
Can your mom tame a moped? I doubt it. It’s all good though, she still knew how to make a baby, which I’d imagine is way harder than learning how to ride a moped.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the ladies who make babies!
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 10 - “MY COLLEGE DORM ROOM, DAY 1”
Apparently I was keeping things pretty simple my freshman year. All I needed was a fish tank and a bed and I was good to go. From the looks of things I didn’t even need a blanket.
Unfortunately my minimalist lifestyle didn’t last too long. By the end of the semester I had splurged on a Beastie Boys poster, a microwave, and yes, even a blanket.
It sure paid to work at the UMBC Yum Shop.
Damn, I miss college.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 09 - “PREGNANCY SCARE”
This polaroid was taken a few years back during one of our desert adventures in California. As the sun was setting we pulled over near a field and shot off our final polaroid. I’m not quite sure what we were going for with this one, but I rather like it.
The distraught looks on our underexposed faces makes me think the following conversation is probably being had…
Vicki: “I think I might be pregnant.”
Me: “Like, with a baby?”
Me: “Not a good time woman.”
She lost her socks,
she lost her shoes,
so in the box,
they look for clues.
Read my other sixty two “poems about my pictures” here.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 07 - “GIANT GERBIL AND VICKI”
A few years back Vicki and I spent a weekend in San Francisco. As we were walking to nowhere in particular we crossed paths with a giant gerbil. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, how’d you get so big?”. The gerbil replied “I ate one too many ugly little girls named Vicki”. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, good thing I’m pretty”. The gerbil said “You sure about that?” Vicki and I slowly backed away and spent the rest of the weekend hiding out in a cell on Alcatraz hoping that the giant gerbil didn’t know how to swim.
HERB & MARY
On a Saturday morning in 1985 Herb and Mary drove to Sears and purchased their very first color television set. They quickly zoomed home in their Chevy Chevette so that they could catch their favorite cartoon, The Smurfs.
Once home, Herb struggled to carry the TV up the stairs as Mary made some popcorn. Once the popcorn was popped Herb plugged in the TV and they sat back to enjoy The Smurfs. What they saw was shocking in the worst imaginable way, it quite literally turned their world upside down…
You see, up until this point Herb and Mary had only seen the Smurfs in black and white, and as such, Herb had always assumed that they (the smurfs) were brown, and Mary had always assumed that they were purple. They simply could not wrap their heads around the newfound “blueness” of the Smurfs. Their brains quite literally could not process a “blue” they had never believed to be true.
Refusing to smurf in a world where Smurfs were blue, Herb and Mary quickly smurfed their brand new Magnavox on fire and smurfed it out the window. They spent the rest of the day smurfing around with the cardboard box that had once held their brand new Magnovox.
* See the whole show here and stay tuned for some poems.
Since his skull,
swelled up real bad,
his hat’s too small,
it makes him sad.
Click here to read more “Poems About My Pictures”.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 05 - “SHOPPING CART FRISBEE MADNESS”
Around seven years ago I got a sweet video camera and my main man Nick instantly drove over to my place so we could give it a “test drive”. Anyway, instead of just testing it out we decided to drive to the local Safeway parking lot at midnight and shoot a “short film” of sorts. Please note that I use the term “film” loosely as I doubt much narrative structure was going on. Anyway, all I can remember is that the film involved two guys named “Hans” and “Andre” doing something with a frisbee and shopping carts. I’m pretty sure I have it on my computer somewhere and maybe I’ll post it later today.
Also, pay attention to the frisbee in this polaroid. It was a big part of my life a few years back and hopefully in the coming weeks you will all get to see why. This polaroid is the first documentation of the “Goomba Frisbee”. Yes, that is indeed a Goomba on that frisbee.
And finally, speaking of “Madness” and “Goombas”, does anyone remember the Nintendo game Marble Madness? I never had it but I remember playing it at my friend Tim’s house when I was a kid. It was soooooo hard!!! But awesome at the same time.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 03 - “DOG BOY AND STRONG MAN”
Oh sweet student films…
Back in my college days my best friend Nick shot a black and white film by the name L’Invitation. It tells the tale of a love triangle involving a Gypsy, a Cannibal, and a Bearded Lady. Of course what carnival love triangle story would be complete without a few supporting characters, such as a Strong Man and a Dog Boy in a cage.
What’s crazy is that I showed up to set on the first shoot night with a full head of hair. Somehow I was bamboozled into letting my friend Gage shave my entire head with a Bic Razor so that he could tattoo my head with a Sharpie. Needless to say my folks were not too pleased.
For anyone who may be curious the liquid dripping down my body is Hershey’s syrup, the go-to blood of choice when shooting black and white.
On a personal note this photo really bums me out because I realize that I’ve gained at least 40 pounds since this photo was taken. What the hell happened to me, I gotta get back in shape, it’s embarrassing. Damn you metabolism!
Anyway, if you’d like to see the film, it’s on Nick’s Vimeo. Here’s the link.