kind of funny | TANNER BLOG

Jun
06

MY IPHONE SHOT OF THE WEEK - “BLOODY BED BUG INFESTED TELEVISION SET ON BLUE CONCRETE” In an effort to keep this blog a bit more active I’ve decided to start reblogging one of my iPhone pictures every week. I think every Sunday or Monday I’ll pick my favorite shot from the previous seven days and give you folks the exclusive scoop into the totally true story behind the picture. Let’s get started… So Vicki and I were limping to the store to get band aids for our bloody feet when we stumbled upon this vintage television set on Dobbin Street in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. I immediately picked it up to carry home when Vicki (a.k.a. Bunko the Buzzkill) reminded me that anything found on the street in Brooklyn definitely probably has Bed Bugs. So I spent the next ten minutes, bleeding mind you, weighing the pros and cons of Bed Bugs versus the Awesome Television Set and wondering what Vicki meant when she said “definitely probably”. Ultimately those Bed Bug Bastards won and I’m still bitter about it. If you’re curious as to why our feet were bleeding, here’s the deal… We were playing a fun little game Vicki made up called Die Hard. The rules are simple… we put on wife beaters and run around our apartment on broken glass yelling “Yippie Kay Yay Mother F-er!!!”. The first person to quit looses. Aside from the broken glass part it’s a pretty cool game.

MY IPHONE SHOT OF THE WEEK - “BLOODY BED BUG INFESTED TELEVISION SET ON BLUE CONCRETE”

In an effort to keep this blog a bit more active I’ve decided to start reblogging one of my iPhone pictures every week. I think every Sunday or Monday I’ll pick my favorite shot from the previous seven days and give you folks the exclusive scoop into the totally true story behind the picture. Let’s get started…

So Vicki and I were limping to the store to get band aids for our bloody feet when we stumbled upon this vintage television set on Dobbin Street in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. I immediately picked it up to carry home when Vicki (a.k.a. Bunko the Buzzkill) reminded me that anything found on the street in Brooklyn definitely probably has Bed Bugs. So I spent the next ten minutes, bleeding mind you, weighing the pros and cons of Bed Bugs versus the Awesome Television Set and wondering what Vicki meant when she said “definitely probably”. Ultimately those Bed Bug Bastards won and I’m still bitter about it.

If you’re curious as to why our feet were bleeding, here’s the deal…

We were playing a fun little game Vicki made up called Die Hard. The rules are simple… we put on wife beaters and run around our apartment on broken glass yelling “Yippie Kay Yay Mother F-er!!!”. The first person to quit looses. Aside from the broken glass part it’s a pretty cool game.

Source iphoneosaurusrex

Reblogged from iphoneosaurusrex

Jun
03

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 15 - TANNER HEARTS VICKI

In June of 2004 Vicki paid a visit to my place and we burnt off a few sparklers. I remember acquiring the sparklers from a guy at school named Dale for five bucks and a half-eaten pack of Skittles. As much as it killed me having to give up the last of my Skittles, the deal was definitely worth it as it gave Vicki and I something to do besides make out and/or throw rocks at stop signs. Here’s a few photos documenting our sparkler fueled night…

I like how my feet appear to be orbs of light. Way to be New Balance reflectors! 

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Vicki in the thick of it. How her arms and face didn’t get burnt to all hell is still a mystery to me.

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Vicki looking like a young half asian Hermione Granger with her wizard wand.

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I don’t really have anything to write about this one except that Vicki’s pants look really comfortable.

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Vicki perfecting her “sparkler hula hoop”.

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I wish I could still fit into that shirt.

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Oh no, we’re out of sparklers! Should we go make out or throw rocks at stop signs?

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Thought this one looked kind of neat.

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Same with this one.

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This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shi… damn, sparklers don’t shine too long.

May
29

BEHOLD THE PATHETIC POWER OF GRAVKITTY!!! So thirty days ago I got Vicki this Hello Kitty Balloon for her 30th birthday. Somehow the damn thing’s still floating. Poor gravity, that guy never gets any respect when sweet lady helium’s around.   Also, I’m doing this thing called instagram now. It’s pretty new and I’m probably the first or second person doing it. Definitely check it out if you have an iPhone, I think it’s gonna be big.

BEHOLD THE PATHETIC POWER OF GRAVKITTY!!!

So thirty days ago I got Vicki this Hello Kitty Balloon for her 30th birthday. Somehow the damn thing’s still floating. Poor gravity, that guy never gets any respect when sweet lady helium’s around.  

Also, I’m doing this thing called instagram now. It’s pretty new and I’m probably the first or second person doing it. Definitely check it out if you have an iPhone, I think it’s gonna be big.

May
27

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!” So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project. Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks! Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks. Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal?

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!”

So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project.

Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks!

Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks.

Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal?

May
15

THRITY FREAKIN’ TWO So Vicki just reminded me that today is my thirty second birthday. This was my reaction.  Anyway, I had planned on spending the day as my normal grumpy-grump self struggling to learn Adobe After Effects, but Vicki has convinced me to leave the apartment to go get some fish for the aquarium I got for my birthday exactly one year ago today. That’s right, there’s been a 30-gallon fish tank, full of water mind you, sitting fish-less and plant-less for 365 days in the corner of our living room. That tank is a true testament to just how lazy I can be when I put my mind to something. Here’s a picture that pretty much sums up the complete failure of my 31st year on earth… Anyway, if by chance I’m following you, and you just realized that I’m old enough to be your dad, feel free to let me know if you’d prefer that I un-follow you. It’s bad enough I’m an old lazy dude, I sure as hell don’t want to be a creepy old lazy dude.  Also, go Baltimore Orioles!

THRITY FREAKIN’ TWO

So Vicki just reminded me that today is my thirty second birthday. This was my reaction. 

Anyway, I had planned on spending the day as my normal grumpy-grump self struggling to learn Adobe After Effects, but Vicki has convinced me to leave the apartment to go get some fish for the aquarium I got for my birthday exactly one year ago today. That’s right, there’s been a 30-gallon fish tank, full of water mind you, sitting fish-less and plant-less for 365 days in the corner of our living room. That tank is a true testament to just how lazy I can be when I put my mind to something. Here’s a picture that pretty much sums up the complete failure of my 31st year on earth…

Anyway, if by chance I’m following you, and you just realized that I’m old enough to be your dad, feel free to let me know if you’d prefer that I un-follow you. It’s bad enough I’m an old lazy dude, I sure as hell don’t want to be a creepy old lazy dude. 

Also, go Baltimore Orioles!

May
14

May
13

SPACE FURBALLS MAKES ME SAD Because I’ll be staring at them all damn weekend as I try to manipulate their space-age furball bodies in Adobe After Effects. But before I can even get started on that inevitable motion graphics disaster, I’m first gonna have to cut these furballs out from their backgrounds in Photoshop, which unfortunately will be quite a bit harder than originally anticipated. Way to shoot grey fuzzy hats in front of big grey wall Tanner! Of all the colors in the world so shoot a grey fuzzy hat in front of, you picked the absolute worst one for what you are trying to do! Congratulations, here’s a free iPhone so you can call your mom and tell her just how much of a disappointment you really are!!! Finally, in case you are curious as to what the graffiti behind me says, here ya go… “MY FREEZER IS MY HUSBAND AND MY HUSBAND IS MY FREEZER” Apparently a woman near where I live married a freezer. She’s gonna have way more fun this weekend with her freezer husband than I’m gonna have with After Effects, that’s for sure.

SPACE FURBALLS MAKES ME SAD

Because I’ll be staring at them all damn weekend as I try to manipulate their space-age furball bodies in Adobe After Effects. But before I can even get started on that inevitable motion graphics disaster, I’m first gonna have to cut these furballs out from their backgrounds in Photoshop, which unfortunately will be quite a bit harder than originally anticipated.

Way to shoot grey fuzzy hats in front of big grey wall Tanner! Of all the colors in the world so shoot a grey fuzzy hat in front of, you picked the absolute worst one for what you are trying to do! Congratulations, here’s a free iPhone so you can call your mom and tell her just how much of a disappointment you really are!!!

Finally, in case you are curious as to what the graffiti behind me says, here ya go…

“MY FREEZER IS MY HUSBAND AND MY HUSBAND IS MY FREEZER”

Apparently a woman near where I live married a freezer. She’s gonna have way more fun this weekend with her freezer husband than I’m gonna have with After Effects, that’s for sure.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 12 - SODA POP COUGH DROP

Several years ago Vicki and I drove out to the Mojave desert and shot a short film called Soda Pop Cough Drop. Vicki played Soda Pop, and I played Cough Drop. The basic premise was as follows…

Soda Pop and Cough Drop are alone in the desert working on a routine goldfish rescue operation. 

Cough Drop botches the routine goldfish rescue operation. He blames his epic failure on the water, which he claims “teems with sharks”.

As they nap in their tent during a routine napping operation, Cough Drop has a bad dream about a “half man half shark” creature eating poor innocent goldfish. He can’t sleep so he leaves the tent to fly his goldfish kite.

Cough Drop is abducted by a flying hammerhead shark. As he’s being abducted he lets Soda Pop know via walkie talkie.

Soda Pop spends the rest of the movie trying to rescue Cough Drop from the flying hammerhead shark. 

That’s pretty much it. It was a rather terrible filmmaking experience for several reasons…

1. We didn’t have a location planned beforehand, so most of the day was spent looking for a place to shoot.

2. It was a million degrees out.

3. We had no food.

4. We saw a giant snake and that freaked us out the hell out, as we were literally in the middle of nowhere and had zero anti-venom on hand. Had it a) been poisonous and b) bitten us, we probably would have died that day and our bodies would still be out there.

5. In addition to playing every character in the film, Vicki and I also shot the entire thing ourselves, which is not so easy when you’re hot, haven’t eaten, and are fighting a sun that’s setting fast. The possibility of being killed by a wild animal didn’t help much either. 

Anyway, I guess that’s about it. Here’s a few behind-the-scenes polaroids of me being abducted by the flying hammerhead shark…