THE AIR IS OXYGEN GENIUS
After Wendy and Dave had finished collecting all of their specimens for the day, they decided to compete in an all out tug of war. The stakes were quite high, as the winner was to receive the looser’s hermetically sealed helmet. Wendy’s solid core propelled her to an easy victory, and Dave reluctantly detached his hermetically sealed helmet. Moments later he was face down in the mud, apparently dead. Wendy waited a few seconds and kicked him in the head. He screamed “DAMN WENDY! Why’d you kick my head? Am I in hell?”. Wendy replied, “The air is oxygen genius. You only passed out because you were holding your breath like damn fool. Pull yourself together man.” Dave pretended to pull himself together, but deep inside he knew that he was in hell.

THE AIR IS OXYGEN GENIUS

After Wendy and Dave had finished collecting all of their specimens for the day, they decided to compete in an all out tug of war. The stakes were quite high, as the winner was to receive the looser’s hermetically sealed helmet. Wendy’s solid core propelled her to an easy victory, and Dave reluctantly detached his hermetically sealed helmet. Moments later he was face down in the mud, apparently dead. Wendy waited a few seconds and kicked him in the head. He screamed “DAMN WENDY! Why’d you kick my head? Am I in hell?”. Wendy replied, “The air is oxygen genius. You only passed out because you were holding your breath like damn fool. Pull yourself together man.” Dave pretended to pull himself together, but deep inside he knew that he was in hell.

MAGICAL MOSSBALLS

A few months back I purchased these mossballs from the back of some hippie’s van in Williamsburg. Ever since then amazing things have been happening to me. Here’s the top nine…

1. My breakfast cereal, whether it be Apple Jacks or Kix, never gets soggy.

2. No one has touched my ear inappropriately on the subway.

3. All of my socks seem to be accounted for. Finally.

4. I stopped having dreams about Vicki dressed as Wolverine devouring all my Sunday morning pancakes.

5. Vicki finally admitted that “The Zissou” might be a good name for our pending baby.

6. Vicki got a “body pillow” which means I inherited one of her regular pillows!

7. My mom finally invited me to one of her Super Mario Dance Parties where everyone swings their arms from side to side.

8. No one has yet to invent a cozy winter cap that converts into a coffee mug in case of emergency, which means I still have a chance to blow the minds of millions.

9. Vicki can’t seem to stop touching my ear inappropriately. Ohhh yeah! 

APOCALYPTIC BUNKO

In August of 1992 Bunko the Brave travelled to the Salton Sea to destroy the man who had stolen not only her Fruit Roll-Up, but also her heart (not to mention her left eye). His name was Ramos, and in middle school he was the lead singer in a glam rock band called “The Glitter Pancake Rebellion”. At the sixth grade talent show he unveiled Clean Sheets are the Best, an epic power ballad about the awesome power of clean sheets. Bunko loved nothing more than sleeping on clean cozy sheets, and as such, her heart swooned for the young Ramos.

The next day at recess Bunko demanded that Ramos be her boyfriend. Ramos told Bunko that he was pretty sure that he was gay, but Bunko wasn’t having it. She immediately declared that they were going steady and that she was ready to have a bunch of babies.

Anyway, after a week of being bossed around by young Bunko, Ramos decided that enough was enough. When Bunko was once again sent to the Principal’s Office for giving Gus, the class Gerbil, a mohawk, Ramos made his move. He broke into Bunko’s “Knight Rider” lunch box and stole her grape Fruit Roll-Up and gave it to Kenny (Bunko’s nemesis and his secret crush). 

Long story short, lunch rolled around and Bunko went ballistic when she found out that her one true love had stolen her grape Fruit Roll-Up. She threw her thermos at Kenny’s head and attempted to give Ramos an Indian Rug Burn. Unfortunately she did not take into account the the glue stick in Ramos’ left hand, which he reluctantly shoved deep into her left eye socket.

She was sent to detention for the next fifteen years and upon release she set out to the Salton Sea to destroy Ramos (apparently that’s where he lived). Unfortunately Ramos, as well as most of the town, was long gone. All she found was an empty bottle of beer, an umbrella, and some dead fish.

BUNKO UNDER PRESSURE
There are eleven baby koala bears trapped inside of this trailer. As Bunko struggles to prevent it from tumbling over, she reluctantly absorbs the collective thoughts of the baby koalas. They are thinking, “Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air was so much better once they got rid of the original Aunt Vivian”. Bunko loved the original Aunt Vivian and couldn’t stand the replacement Aunt Vivian, and as such, she considers just letting the damn thing fall.
Not Pictured: Bunko just letting the damn thing fall.
Also Not Pictured: Eleven dead baby koala bears in a pool of their own blood.

BUNKO UNDER PRESSURE

There are eleven baby koala bears trapped inside of this trailer. As Bunko struggles to prevent it from tumbling over, she reluctantly absorbs the collective thoughts of the baby koalas. They are thinking, “Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air was so much better once they got rid of the original Aunt Vivian”. Bunko loved the original Aunt Vivian and couldn’t stand the replacement Aunt Vivian, and as such, she considers just letting the damn thing fall.

Not Pictured: Bunko just letting the damn thing fall.

Also Not Pictured: Eleven dead baby koala bears in a pool of their own blood.

BUNKO THE BRAVE READS A FAN LETTER
It reads as follows…
Dear Bunko the Brave, you are my hero! Every time my teacher puts me in time out for trying to set Bob the Bunny free I punch her in the face! Oh, and guess what, yesterday I threw my desk through the damn window because I thought to myself, “what would Bunko do if ‘the man’ made her share her crayons with a boy?”. I can’t wait for this kindergarten hell to end. 
Over and out,
Coco the Confident
P.S. I want to get a tattoo of you eating pancakes on my bicep but my mom says you don’t eat pancakes. That made me cry. Do you eat pancakes Bunko??? I sure hope so.

BUNKO THE BRAVE READS A FAN LETTER

It reads as follows…

Dear Bunko the Brave, you are my hero! Every time my teacher puts me in time out for trying to set Bob the Bunny free I punch her in the face! Oh, and guess what, yesterday I threw my desk through the damn window because I thought to myself, “what would Bunko do if ‘the man’ made her share her crayons with a boy?”. I can’t wait for this kindergarten hell to end. 

Over and out,

Coco the Confident

P.S. I want to get a tattoo of you eating pancakes on my bicep but my mom says you don’t eat pancakes. That made me cry. Do you eat pancakes Bunko??? I sure hope so.

BUNKO AND THE VERY DEAD FISH
Bunko is…
a. absorbing the final memory of the dead fish so that she can figure out who killed him. She will absolutely be seeking vengeance.
b. thinking that she just found herself some lunch!
c. trying to figure out why her magic touch has not transformed the fish into a cupcake.
d. all of the above.
Answer: Obviously “D”. 
Tip: To see the dead fish in all it’s mummified glory click through to the hi-res version!

BUNKO AND THE VERY DEAD FISH

Bunko is…

a. absorbing the final memory of the dead fish so that she can figure out who killed him. She will absolutely be seeking vengeance.

b. thinking that she just found herself some lunch!

c. trying to figure out why her magic touch has not transformed the fish into a cupcake.

d. all of the above.

Answer: Obviously “D”. 

Tip: To see the dead fish in all it’s mummified glory click through to the hi-res version!

NOOOO BUNKO DON’T TOUCH IT!!!
Little known fact: Anything Bunko touches turns into a cupcake.
This sounds awesome until you eat the cupcake and find out little known fact number two.
Little known fact number two: Bunko’s cupcakes are filled with highly addictive and extremely contagious baby koala bear venom. 

NOOOO BUNKO DON’T TOUCH IT!!!

Little known fact: Anything Bunko touches turns into a cupcake.

This sounds awesome until you eat the cupcake and find out little known fact number two.

Little known fact number two: Bunko’s cupcakes are filled with highly addictive and extremely contagious baby koala bear venom.