APOCALYPTIC BUNKO

Before she came to be known as “Bunko the Brave”, she was simply “Bunko the Broken” from the land of “Bunko the Barren”. The photograph above is actually the first ever documented photograph of young Bunko. Here’s the story of our first encounter…

I was out in the desert on a routine spiritual quest when I stumbled upon this “sunken city”. As I walked around looking for something to steal I saw a young feral woman with one beautiful eye admiring my Bob Seger T Shirt. I fed her some Sour Patch Kids and then we sat in my Honda Element (pictured, far left) and I played her “Night Moves”. A few years later we were married, blah blah blah.

MY IPHONE SHOT OF THE WEEK - LEANING TOWER OF CRATES

If this stack of gravity defying crates was moved to a gallery space at the MOMA it’d probably sell for a million bucks at Sotheby’s. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing, but it’s definitely some sort of thing that makes me wonder about what the hell makes something art, and who should get the credit.

This is blowing my mind a little bit. I mean, I took this photo, but I’m definitely not the artist, that title belongs to whoever set up this awesome gravity defying stack of crates. But what’s crazy is that the person who set up these crates probably did so with no intent of creating “art”, but rather “trash”. I wonder how many regular folks have never gotten credit for their incredible temporary art installations.

Anyway, here’s a few more pictures of this most wonderful piece (artist unknown)…

If you’d like to see more of my daily iphone photos documenting other people’s inadvertent “street art” click here.

When Captain America retired he gained some weight,

married a woman he didn’t really love, and had a couple of slacker kids with absolutely zero super hero potential. While he obviously regretted all of these things, his biggest regret in life was trading in his sweet motorcycle for this used mini van so that he could drive his chubby kids to soccer practice, where he would dejectedly watch them pick grass and cry about having to exercise.

MY IPHONE SHOT OF THE WEEK - “WAY TO BE A ONE-UPPER, WINDSHIELD”

Several months ago the broken bottle of Heineken (seen above) appointed himself the self-proclaimed “King of the Broken Stuff” between Dobbin and Banker streets. However, a few days ago this a-hole windshield decided to park himself right next to the “King”. The following conversation ensued…

Heineken: “Dude! Seriously? WTF!!!”

Windshield: “Huh?”

Heineken: “I’m the King of the Broken Stuff round these parts! Way to be a one-upper a-hole!!!”

Windshield: “How are we talking? We’re inanimate objects.”

Heineken: “Ladies and Gentlemen! I present to you… Captain Buzzkill!!! If you have a nice moment that you’d like to see destroyed just call Captain Buzzkill!!! Only Captain Buzzkill has the power to suck the life out of all the nice moments in your life!!!”

Windshield: “So this is how it’s gonna be?”

Heineken: “Put some pants on pervert.”

………………………………………………………..

If you’d like to see more of my daily iPhone photos click here. Most of em are pretty boring but whatever, it’s cool.

MY IPHONE SHOT OF THE WEEK - “THE ROCK SLUG”

For some reason I rather liked this shot of a pile of random rocks just sort of hanging out in a suburban cul-de-sac. Here’s why…

1. With their powers combined all of the stones have conspired together to form “The Rock Slug”, and as such, they are slowly on their way to absorb and destroy all mini-vans and the soccer moms who drive them.

2. I think maybe there’s a big dead body (or two small bodies) buried under those rocks.

3. It reminds me of the suburbs where I grew up. My sister buried many a dead gerbil in our back yard, and atop each gerbil grave a big ol’ rock would serve as the tomb stone. Off the top of my head I remember burying Cookie, Cherry, Cupcake, Candy, and Cinnamon (Perhaps my sister’s naming scheme was bad luck?).

Anyway, if you’d like to see more boring photos like the one above, feel free to check out my iPhone blog, it’s called iPhoneosaurus Rex and it goes ROOOARRRR!!!!

Note to self: Ask my parents why they kept buying my sister gerbils when they knew that they would surely die at her hand.

This manatee is..

a. stealing the mailbox so that he can pawn it for some kelp.

b. trying to eat the mailbox because he ate all his kelp and is still hungry.

c. praying that the mailman delivers some envelopes filled with kelp.

d. thinking to himself “Dude, how much kelp did I smoke? Is this a mailbox? Should I eat it? I think I’ll eat it.”

I’m gonna go with “D”. Just look at his eyes, my man(atee) is baked like a cupcake.

MY IPHONE SHOT OF THE WEEK - “AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A THING”

From a technical standpoint this probably wasn’t my best shot, but it’s nonetheless my favorite, here’s why…

1. I like the “can do” attitude of whoever owns this car. I like to think that this person walked out to his car one morning, saw someone had crashed into it, and instead of throwing a fit, he simply said to himself “ain’t nothin’ but a thing baby, ain’t nothin’ but a thing”. He walked back in his house, grabbed some duct tape, patched up the damage, and continued on his merry way to buy some fish food.

2. I like how the license plate says “ERB”. My grandpa’s name was Herb and it made me think of him for the first time in a while. Grandpa Herb was a rather fantastic fellow.

Finally, here’s a photo from back in the day of my Mom and Grandpa Herb relaxin’ in our back yard (I’m particular fond of my mom’s wardrobe selection)…

Anyway, if you’d like to see more of my daily iPhone photos click here.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PHOTOSHOP EXCELLENCE 03 - “BLINKING JAPANESE PHONE BOOTH”

Question: Do I regret wasting twenty-seven consecutive hours creating this animated GIF in photoshop?

Answer: No way, it’s sooooooooo awesome.

Question: Do I regret missing Vicki’s 30th birthday bowling party to create this GIF?

Answer: No comment.

Question: Does my black eye hurt?

Answer: Maybe.

Question: Seriously, was making this GIF worth it?

Answer: Not really. I actually start to get sick if I stare at it for too long. Ughh… make it stop!

Anyway, my main man Nick just wrote a really cool story about the photo behind this GIF for a new website called SAINT LUCY. If you like photography, creative writing, and/or Baltimore definitely check it out!

Oh, and my main man Nick also just started a Tumblr of original artwork inspired by the hit 90’s television show Beverly Hills 90210. It’s called West Beverly High Art Club, definitely check it out as the artwork is quite impressive. Also, I believe that they are accepting submissions, so you may wanna think about digging up that charcoal drawing you did of Luke Perry’s misty eyes in 1995.

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 23 - “BRIDGE TO TERIYAKIBITHIA”

At one point during our Japan adventure we took a five hour train ride from Kochi to Kyoto. As the train chugged along we passed through several breathtaking wintery landscapes, yet I only took two pictures due to the wretched motion sickness that has cursed me since birth (thanks mom). Anyway, as soon as I took this picture I felt like I was for sure going to vomit, so I dropped my head down between my knees and prayed for mercy.

At some point I passed out and had the following dream nightmare…

We were driving past this bridge in slow motion and I asked Vicki’s dad to translate the sign. He told me that it read “Chicken Teriyaki is on the other side of this bridge”. I screamed for the train to stop but it just kept chugging along as I watched my one chance at Chicken Teriyaki slowly fade away. Once I could no longer see the bridge I looked down and goldfish started floating out of my backpack and I wondered how they were breathing. I then realized that the train was full of water and thus wondered how I was breathing. I suddenly began gasping for air and woke up.

Anyway, that dream bothered me the rest of my trip. While the drowning aspect was indeed terrifying, it was missing out on the Chicken Teriyaki that truly haunted the depths of my soul.

If you’d like to read more about my terrible Chicken Teriyaki adventures while in Japan please CLICK HERE.

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 18 - JAPANESE SOCIETY OF LEAPFROG EXCELLENCE

I’ve gotta hand it to the good folks of Japan, they keep it real with the leapfrog well into their teenage years. In America we tend to abandon leapfrog for dodge ball in around first or second grade. As such, most American adults are absolutely terrible at jumping over their coworkers. Not to worry though, they are great at dodging flying adults, and thus injuries are quite rare.