TANNER BLOG
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Hi, I'm Tanner. I like cloudy days and fish tanks. I have a wife and a kid. I like them as well.
Posts tagged lonely
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NO MATTER HOW HARD SHE TRIES

Poor Bunko just can’t seem to block out the sound of the screaming baby koala bears.

Do not be fooled, Bunko does NOT find the sound to be sad or disturbing, she simply finds it to be annoying… REALLY annoying.

BUNKO THE BRAVE READS A FAN LETTER

It reads as follows…

Dear Bunko the Brave, you are my hero! Every time my teacher puts me in time out for trying to set Bob the Bunny free I punch her in the face! Oh, and guess what, yesterday I threw my desk through the damn window because I thought to myself, “what would Bunko do if ‘the man’ made her share her crayons with a boy?”. I can’t wait for this kindergarten hell to end. 

Over and out,

Coco the Confident

P.S. I want to get a tattoo of you eating pancakes on my bicep but my mom says you don’t eat pancakes. That made me cry. Do you eat pancakes Bunko??? I sure hope so.

SPACE FURBALLS MAKES ME SAD

Because I’ll be staring at them all damn weekend as I try to manipulate their space-age furball bodies in Adobe After Effects. But before I can even get started on that inevitable motion graphics disaster, I’m first gonna have to cut these furballs out from their backgrounds in Photoshop, which unfortunately will be quite a bit harder than originally anticipated.

Way to shoot grey fuzzy hats in front of big grey wall Tanner! Of all the colors in the world so shoot a grey fuzzy hat in front of, you picked the absolute worst one for what you are trying to do! Congratulations, here’s a free iPhone so you can call your mom and tell her just how much of a disappointment you really are!!!

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Finally, in case you are curious as to what the graffiti behind me says, here ya go…

"MY FREEZER IS MY HUSBAND AND MY HUSBAND IS MY FREEZER"

Apparently a woman near where I live married a freezer. She’s gonna have way more fun this weekend with her freezer husband than I’m gonna have with After Effects, that’s for sure.

SAD STUFF IN JAPAN 03 - “LONELY VICKI”

She had the rabbit, which was nice, but deep inside her heart she longed for some human friends.

LONELY PEOPLE

When I look at this photo I like to think that the man and woman accidentally bump into one another upon leaving their tables. During the heated argument that ensues they suddenly make eye contact and fall in love. The next day they quit their jobs and get married. Together they go on to have a successful etsy shop where the sell bubble wrap wrapped in breakable glass. 

Note to self: Wrap bubble wrap in glass, send to MOMA, become famous artist, make lots of money, have a dance party in my pile of money, eat some pizza, use my money to start an aquarium shop with my dad in Maryland, eat pizza with my dad on our lunch break, get Vicki pregnant, live a happy life with Vicki and kid.

Past Christmas Classics: 2004 CHRISTMAS CARD REJECT PHOTOS

No. 05 - “THE SAD ASTRONAUT”

An okay photo but damn if it isn’t just another big ol’ Debbie Downer. Why did I have to look so down trodden? Probably because I was wearing a tie.

Damn you neck ties!!! Why you gotta go and down my trodden!!!

PATERNITY TEST?

Though he cared,

she walks away,

he never shared,

his d.n.a.

HOW IS THAT WORK, EXACTLY?

Since she invented,

the brainwash machine,

her mind’s demented,

but very clean.

DON’T DRINK JELLY FROM STRANGE PLACES

He drank the jelly,

from the tower,

now his belly,

is feeling sour.

DINOSAUR BRAINWASH HELMET

While digging for Brontosaurus bones at the Salton Sea, this husband and wife team of amateur archaeologists makes an incredible discovery. It is not a dinosaur bone, but rather, some sort of helmet that they conclude must have been worn by dinosaurs. They quickly run a series of rudimentary tests using a magnifying glass and a car battery. Once the results are in they conclude, based on their limited knowledge of the dinosaur mind, that the helmet was probably used by the Triceratops to brainwash the evil Tyrannosaurs Rex into being nice.

See the whole damn show HERE.

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