maryland | TANNER BLOG

Feb
19

Jun
03

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 15 - TANNER HEARTS VICKI

In June of 2004 Vicki paid a visit to my place and we burnt off a few sparklers. I remember acquiring the sparklers from a guy at school named Dale for five bucks and a half-eaten pack of Skittles. As much as it killed me having to give up the last of my Skittles, the deal was definitely worth it as it gave Vicki and I something to do besides make out and/or throw rocks at stop signs. Here’s a few photos documenting our sparkler fueled night…

I like how my feet appear to be orbs of light. Way to be New Balance reflectors! 

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Vicki in the thick of it. How her arms and face didn’t get burnt to all hell is still a mystery to me.

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Vicki looking like a young half asian Hermione Granger with her wizard wand.

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I don’t really have anything to write about this one except that Vicki’s pants look really comfortable.

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Vicki perfecting her “sparkler hula hoop”.

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I wish I could still fit into that shirt.

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Oh no, we’re out of sparklers! Should we go make out or throw rocks at stop signs?

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Thought this one looked kind of neat.

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Same with this one.

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This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shi… damn, sparklers don’t shine too long.

May
04

STRANGE ADVENTURES IN MARYLAND 01 - “OWLY OWLYINGTON” So a few weekends ago Vicki and I traveled back to Maryland to celebrate her 30th birthday. Along the way we stopped by to see my folks. As soon as we walked in the door my mom made us a pair of her famous “Pammy Milkshakes”. As we struggled to sip the thick milkshakes through our bendy straws, my mom warned us about a viscous “demon attack owl from hell” that had allegedly been terrorizing small dogs in the community. I stress the word allegedly, as she offered up very little in the way of actual “proof”. Now, as many of you know, my mom has a small rather pathetic looking dog named Toby. Although Toby is often mistaken for an ugly cat and/or ferret and contributes absolutely nothing to society, my mom nonetheless loves him very much and was absolutely freaked out about the owl. She had gone so far as to build a small green cloak for Toby so that he would blend in with the grass when out for walks. Anyway, long story short, once I was done my milkshake my mom demanded that my father and I set out to “destroy the owl”. So my dad and I put on some old hockey gear, grabbed our sling shots, and headed out to do some damage. Neither of us thought there was a chance in hell we’d find the owl, and to be honest, we weren’t so sure it even existed.  As we walked along with our slingshots my dad and I traded stories about Toby’s seemingly endless supply of pathetic-ness. I was deep into a story about the time Toby got his head trapped in one of those plastic hamster balls when my dad yelled “God damn it’s an owl”. I looked up and there he was, looking right at me like I was some kind of hipster doofus. So yeah, my dad and I raised our slingshots and just as we were about to shoot my dad said “Hold on a second son, this here owl’s a majestic creature of nature, how’s about we let him live”. “What about Toby?” I asked. My dad replied “Toby’s just a rat that barks, Owly Owlington here is a champion of nature”. “Did you just call him Owly Owlington?” I asked. “Yep” he said. “What about Owlbert Einstein?” I asked. “Nope, his name’s Owly Owlington”.  And that’s the story of Owly Owlington. EDIT: I forgot to mention that my sister’s boyfriend, John, was also along for the adventure to destroy Owly Owlington. He lagged behind a bit as I think he saw the whole ordeal as a bit, shall we say, unnecessary and pointless. However, he did have a few good alternate name suggestions for Owly Owlington, including Owl Bundy and Owlan Rickman. Here’s a wide shot of Owly Owlington and his tree…  

STRANGE ADVENTURES IN MARYLAND 01 - “OWLY OWLYINGTON”

So a few weekends ago Vicki and I traveled back to Maryland to celebrate her 30th birthday. Along the way we stopped by to see my folks. As soon as we walked in the door my mom made us a pair of her famous “Pammy Milkshakes”. As we struggled to sip the thick milkshakes through our bendy straws, my mom warned us about a viscous “demon attack owl from hell” that had allegedly been terrorizing small dogs in the community. I stress the word allegedly, as she offered up very little in the way of actual “proof”.

Now, as many of you know, my mom has a small rather pathetic looking dog named Toby. Although Toby is often mistaken for an ugly cat and/or ferret and contributes absolutely nothing to society, my mom nonetheless loves him very much and was absolutely freaked out about the owl. She had gone so far as to build a small green cloak for Toby so that he would blend in with the grass when out for walks.

Anyway, long story short, once I was done my milkshake my mom demanded that my father and I set out to “destroy the owl”. So my dad and I put on some old hockey gear, grabbed our sling shots, and headed out to do some damage. Neither of us thought there was a chance in hell we’d find the owl, and to be honest, we weren’t so sure it even existed. 

As we walked along with our slingshots my dad and I traded stories about Toby’s seemingly endless supply of pathetic-ness. I was deep into a story about the time Toby got his head trapped in one of those plastic hamster balls when my dad yelled “God damn it’s an owl”. I looked up and there he was, looking right at me like I was some kind of hipster doofus.

So yeah, my dad and I raised our slingshots and just as we were about to shoot my dad said “Hold on a second son, this here owl’s a majestic creature of nature, how’s about we let him live”. “What about Toby?” I asked. My dad replied “Toby’s just a rat that barks, Owly Owlington here is a champion of nature”. “Did you just call him Owly Owlington?” I asked. “Yep” he said. “What about Owlbert Einstein?” I asked. “Nope, his name’s Owly Owlington”. 

And that’s the story of Owly Owlington.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that my sister’s boyfriend, John, was also along for the adventure to destroy Owly Owlington. He lagged behind a bit as I think he saw the whole ordeal as a bit, shall we say, unnecessary and pointless. However, he did have a few good alternate name suggestions for Owly Owlington, including Owl Bundy and Owlan Rickman.

Here’s a wide shot of Owly Owlington and his tree…

 

May
02

VICKI’S BIRTHDAY BASH - SPECIAL KARAOKE EDITION!!! Last week Vicki and I headed back to the MD to celebrate Vicki’s 30th birthday with an elite team of awesome super friends. For the first time ever we did Karaoke the right way… in a private room with crazy wigs and lots of sour patch kids! It was awesome. For anyone looking to belt out some Sweet Caroline in private I’d highly recommend FM Karaoke in good ol’ Rockville, Maryland. The staff was incredible and made sure to keep us as hydrated/inebriated as possible! Anyway, here’s a few pictures from our crazy sour patch kids fueled night… Geofferson Thomas (in furball hat) takes three non-colored girls for a Walk on the Wild Side. Although they are not colored, the girls are nonetheless good sports and sing along anyway. ★ Two guns for hire Dancing in the Dark. ★ Geofferson Thomas admires the strangely erotic Korean Karoke Video as Nick and Jill take us “to the river” with the Talking Heads. ★ Dueling Springsteens on their “last chance power drive”. ★ Buena Vista Geoff Club (probably singing some obscure British song or something). ★ Let’s Dance Japanese style with Ziggy PreDust. ★ Vicki looking a bit annoyed during Maggie May. Apparently I got a bit too excited when I sang “I wish I’d never seen your face”.  ★ Jill and her hypnotic eyes doing their best Thriller Zombie. ★ Geofferson Thomas IS a Thriller Zombie. ★ Vicki and Tina ironically singing Blondie while wearing blue and purple wigs. ★ Luigi gettin’ low during Born to Run. Vicki was not too pleased with Luigi’s decision to wear his Nike Warmup Pants to her birthday party. ★ Somewhere, Out There, Beneath the Pale Moon Light zombie Geofferson Thomas is eating the brain of Ziggy PreDust. ★ I Wanna Dance With Somebody so long as he’s not wearing his Nike warmup pants to my freaking birthday party! ★ Even though he wore Nike warmup pants to my birthday party I’ll still pretend to love him for this photo. Once we get home, however, his cozy winter cap will burn in hell.

VICKI’S BIRTHDAY BASH - SPECIAL KARAOKE EDITION!!!

Last week Vicki and I headed back to the MD to celebrate Vicki’s 30th birthday with an elite team of awesome super friends. For the first time ever we did Karaoke the right way… in a private room with crazy wigs and lots of sour patch kids! It was awesome. For anyone looking to belt out some Sweet Caroline in private I’d highly recommend FM Karaoke in good ol’ Rockville, Maryland. The staff was incredible and made sure to keep us as hydrated/inebriated as possible!

Anyway, here’s a few pictures from our crazy sour patch kids fueled night…

Geofferson Thomas (in furball hat) takes three non-colored girls for a Walk on the Wild Side. Although they are not colored, the girls are nonetheless good sports and sing along anyway.

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Two guns for hire Dancing in the Dark.

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Geofferson Thomas admires the strangely erotic Korean Karoke Video as Nick and Jill take us “to the river” with the Talking Heads.

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Dueling Springsteens on their “last chance power drive”.

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Buena Vista Geoff Club (probably singing some obscure British song or something).

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Let’s Dance Japanese style with Ziggy PreDust.

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Vicki looking a bit annoyed during Maggie May. Apparently I got a bit too excited when I sang “I wish I’d never seen your face”. 

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Jill and her hypnotic eyes doing their best Thriller Zombie.

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Geofferson Thomas IS a Thriller Zombie.

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Vicki and Tina ironically singing Blondie while wearing blue and purple wigs.

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Luigi gettin’ low during Born to Run. Vicki was not too pleased with Luigi’s decision to wear his Nike Warmup Pants to her birthday party.

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Somewhere, Out There, Beneath the Pale Moon Light zombie Geofferson Thomas is eating the brain of Ziggy PreDust.

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I Wanna Dance With Somebody so long as he’s not wearing his Nike warmup pants to my freaking birthday party!

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Even though he wore Nike warmup pants to my birthday party I’ll still pretend to love him for this photo. Once we get home, however, his cozy winter cap will burn in hell.

Apr
15

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 10 - “MY COLLEGE DORM ROOM, DAY 1” Apparently I was keeping things pretty simple my freshman year. All I needed was a fish tank and a bed and I was good to go. From the looks of things I didn’t even need a blanket. Unfortunately my minimalist lifestyle didn’t last too long. By the end of the semester I had splurged on a Beastie Boys poster, a microwave, and yes, even a blanket. It sure paid to work at the UMBC Yum Shop. Damn, I miss college.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 10 - “MY COLLEGE DORM ROOM, DAY 1”

Apparently I was keeping things pretty simple my freshman year. All I needed was a fish tank and a bed and I was good to go. From the looks of things I didn’t even need a blanket.

Unfortunately my minimalist lifestyle didn’t last too long. By the end of the semester I had splurged on a Beastie Boys poster, a microwave, and yes, even a blanket.

It sure paid to work at the UMBC Yum Shop.

Damn, I miss college.

Feb
15

GRANDPARENTS DOING THIER GRANDPARENTS THING If you asked me to close my eyes and picture my grandparents a version of this photo would instantly pop into my head. The only difference is that I’d be sitting on the floor playing a board game called Perfection with my sisters. My Grandparents have sixteen grandchildren yet for some reason decided that one board game in their home would provide more than enough entertainment for 20+ years. Sometimes I would take a break from Perfection to eat an Ice Cream Sandwich, the only snack they ever seemed to have. Either way, you gotta love em’, cause Grandparents are awesome!

GRANDPARENTS DOING THIER GRANDPARENTS THING

If you asked me to close my eyes and picture my grandparents a version of this photo would instantly pop into my head. The only difference is that I’d be sitting on the floor playing a board game called Perfection with my sisters. My Grandparents have sixteen grandchildren yet for some reason decided that one board game in their home would provide more than enough entertainment for 20+ years. Sometimes I would take a break from Perfection to eat an Ice Cream Sandwich, the only snack they ever seemed to have. Either way, you gotta love em’, cause Grandparents are awesome!

Dec
21

Past Christmas Classics: 2009 CHRISTMAS CARD (front) “THE MILK AND COOKIE CHASE” While I DO NOT regret stealing the milk and cookies, I DO regret stealing the milk and cookies when I had a broken leg. It really slowed down our getaway plan. Santas can go from jolly to violent in the blink of an eye. Big high-five to anyone who can correctly guess which one of these Santas is my dad.

Past Christmas Classics: 2009 CHRISTMAS CARD (front)

“THE MILK AND COOKIE CHASE”

While I DO NOT regret stealing the milk and cookies, I DO regret stealing the milk and cookies when I had a broken leg. It really slowed down our getaway plan. Santas can go from jolly to violent in the blink of an eye.

Big high-five to anyone who can correctly guess which one of these Santas is my dad.