This manatee is..
a. stealing the mailbox so that he can pawn it for some kelp.
b. trying to eat the mailbox because he ate all his kelp and is still hungry.
c. praying that the mailman delivers some envelopes filled with kelp.
d. thinking to himself “Dude, how much kelp did I smoke? Is this a mailbox? Should I eat it? I think I’ll eat it.”
I’m gonna go with “D”. Just look at his eyes, my man(atee) is baked like a cupcake.
My mom is…
a) the most amazing hula hooper on the planet.
b) the absolute worst hula hooper in the universe.
c) an average hula hooper.
Answer: All I know is it’s definitely not “c”.
TANNER LEARNS AFTER EFFECTS - EPISODE 01
“BASIC ANIMATION WITH KEYFRAMES”
The worst thing about this video is…
a) My pathetic After Effects skills
b) My pathetic vocal skills
c) My pathetic casio keyboard skills
d) All three skills (which in reality are not skills at all, but rather failures) are equally pathetic
I’m gonna go with “c”, although “b” is a close second.
Anyway, long story short I’m currently trying to learn the motion graphics program Adobe After Effects. I’m following along with a great book, Creating Motion Graphics With After Effects, by Trish and Chris Meyer.
At the end of each chapter I plan on making a short silly video to make sure that I really learned what I had read (as opposed to just being a tutorial robot). This is the first of those videos, based on chapter 3 of the book.
I’m still not sure what provoked me to add the improvised sing along voice over, but I think it will likely be a staple of all future videos in this rather lackluster, and probably unnecessary, series.
COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 24 - “WHAT’S IN THE BOX?”
As far as I see it, there are only three viable options…
a. Jack
b. Folded up papers with fortunes
c. Gwyneth Paltrow’s “pretty” head
I’m gonna go out on a limb and go with “b”, as you can actually see the folded papers sitting inside the box. If you guessed “a” or “c” you should probably have your eyes checked out by a certified eyeball technician. Also, I apologize if I may have just ruined the ending of Seven for some of you.
Finally, here’s a few more pictures of Vicki and her Dad checking out their fortunes…
I’m pretty sure Vicki’s fortune read as follows… “Before the day is over you will possess Tanner’s cozy winter cap”.
Hmmm… good question. Here are the three most probable answers…
a. No, Vicki does not have a voice, because Vicki is not real.
b. Vicki is very much real, but has no idea I exist. I watch her with my telescope.
c. Vicki does her talking with her fists, not her mouth.
d. All of the above
The answer is obviously “d”.
Anyway, I’m not sure how it happened, but somewhere along the way this blog became primarily about my awesome wife Vicki. She is real and I keep telling her to start a Tumblr, but it hasn’t happened yet. At one point she almost started a Tumblr that would’ve been about her making a Tumblr about my Tumblr, but that got complicated in a Charlie Kaufman-esque sort of way and she called it quits.
Anyway, maybe one day she’ll have a voice around these parts, but until that day I plan to keep blaming her for stuff that is probably my fault.
COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 19 - “LITTLE SHRIMP CREATURE FROM HELL”
This was the only worthwhile picture that I took while inside the Kochi aquarium and it took FOREVER because…
a. Vicki couldn’t hold the damn magnifying glass still
b. The little shrimp creature from hell wouldn’t stay still
c. I couldn’t figure out how to focus my my damn camera
Answer: Definitely not “c”, but I’m torn between “a” and “b”.
Also, I can neither confirm nor deny that this creature is in fact a shrimp. But what I can confirm is this… it is certainly, without a doubt, from HELL!!!
PLACES OF JAPAN 05 - “HANEDA AIRPORT AT SUNSET (3 of 4)”
As we were waiting for Vicki’s dad to arrive at the airport I snapped a few shots while Vicki was…
b) making out with some pathetic hipster.
c) getting pregnant.
d) working for Steve, a Japanese business man.
e) buying bottled water from a vending machine.
PLACES OF JAPAN 04 - “HANEDA AIRPORT AT SUNSET (2 of 4)”
As we were waiting for Vicki’s dad to arrive at the airport I snapped a few shots while Vicki was…
a) playing Super Mario Brothers 3 in a “Video Armageddon” tournament. Her opponent is a young Fred Savage.
b) smoking cigarettes with a young Fred Savage.
c) being questioned by the authorities for allowing a young Fred Savage to smoke cigarettes.
d) checking her email in an internet cafe.
Note: If this post makes no sense click here. It may help a bit although probably not.
PLACES OF JAPAN 03 - “HANEDA AIRPORT AT SUNSET (1 of 4)”
As we were waiting for Vicki’s dad to arrive at the airport I snapped a few shots while Vicki was…
a) trapped inside of a crazy Japanese vending machine
b) buying used panties from a crazy Japanese vending machine
c) trapped inside of used panties while buying a crazy Japanese vending machine
d) standing next to me
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