In June of 2004 Vicki paid a visit to my place and we burnt off a few sparklers. I remember acquiring the sparklers from a guy at school named Dale for five bucks and a half-eaten pack of Skittles. As much as it killed me having to give up the last of my Skittles, the deal was definitely worth it as it gave Vicki and I something to do besides make out and/or throw rocks at stop signs. Here’s a few photos documenting our sparkler fueled night…
I like how my feet appear to be orbs of light. Way to be New Balance reflectors!
Vicki in the thick of it. How her arms and face didn’t get burnt to all hell is still a mystery to me.
Vicki looking like a young half asian Hermione Granger with her wizard wand.
I don’t really have anything to write about this one except that Vicki’s pants look really comfortable.
Vicki perfecting her “sparkler hula hoop”.
I wish I could still fit into that shirt.
Oh no, we’re out of sparklers! Should we go make out or throw rocks at stop signs?
Thought this one looked kind of neat.
Same with this one.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shi… damn, sparklers don’t shine too long.
COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 21 - “LITE BRITE”
In a recent poll conducted by Tanner and Vicki Incorporated we asked one hundred people to create two lists. On the first list they had to write down 100 of their favorite things. On the second list they had to write down 100 of the cheapest things they could think of.
After spending a good ten minutes cross referencing the results, we were surprised to find that only one item was consistently showing up on both lists.
What was that item you say?
The answer, my friends, was paper lanterns (also known as china balls or chinese lanterns). It turns out that the ‘awesome to cheap ratio’ of a paper lantern is quite literally “off the charts”, as in, we didn’t even bother making a chart because what would have been the point.
In conclusion, we here at Tanner and Vicki Incorporated highly recommend paper lanterns for those of you on tight budgets. Of course, be careful when selecting your light bulbs as paper lanterns can quite easily turn into fire lanterns.
BIG DECISIONS IN JAPAN 02 - “VICKI FACES HER DEMONS AND PUNCHES ME IN THE FACE”
Yesterday I mentioned that a traumatic childhood experience had led my wife down a long dark road into vending machine hell. Long story short, whenever she is at a vending machine she can only order from whatever is in slot “B4”, even if she does not want what is slot “B4”.
Anyway, as Vicki’s tragic eyes stared into this vending machine outside our hotel it became clear to me that she really wanted the Georgia Coffee that was in slot “A5”, and wanted nothing to do with the Green Tea in slot “B4”. I tried to convince her that “whatever happens in Japan stays in Japan”, and that just this once she could break the habit and order her dream beverage, the sweet can of Georgia Coffee in slot “A5”.
Cut to a few hours later and she’s still just standing there, longing for the coffee in slot A5. I tell her that I love her but that I really need to get some sleep. She says nothing so I take this as my cue to head up to our hotel room and go to bed.
When I woke up the next morning Vicki was asleep on the floor. I immediately woke her up and asked about the Georgia Coffee. She said that she didn’t want to talk about it and then punched me in the face for allegedly “abandoning her”.
To this day I still don’t the truth about what exactly happened that night, and probably never will. But what I do know is this… next time I’ll just order the damn Georgia Coffee and give it to her, that way we can both go to bed at a reasonable hour and I won’t get punched in the face. It’s a win-win!
BIG DECISIONS IN JAPAN 01 - “VOLUPTUOUS VICKI’S VENDING VICE”
Girl can’t help it, she’s addicted to vending machines. What’s interesting is that no matter what vending machine she’s at, she always selects whatever’s in slot “B4”. Her mom blames this compulsion on a traumatic Battleship incident that Vicki had when she was five. Apparently “B4” was the final coordinate that her Grandpa needed to sink poor Vicki’s battleship.
No wonder Vicki has a bizarre vending machine compulsion. What kind of Grandpa sinks his granddaughter’s battleship??? Outrage I say!!!
PEOPLE OF JAPAN 33 - “GRANDMAS INVENTING STUFF IN GARAGES”
Okay, so they might not actually be grandmas, and they may not actually be inventing stuff, but I’m pretty sure that they are in a garage.
That being said, if by chance they are inventing something, I hope it’s an ice cube that never melts, cause I like my coffee cold but not watered down. And if they’re not working on un-meltable ice cubes then I hope they’re at least working on underwear with pockets, for those day when I forget my pants but still need someplace to put my wallet.
COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 17 - “MAGIC PHONE BOOTH PART 2”
A few weeks back I posted a different shot of this magically lit phone booth. While the previous photo was indeed magical, I think this shot may be a bit more magical due to streak of light in the background.
Anyway, my point is this… if Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter ever reunite to make my dream film, Bill and Ted’s Totally Gnarly Voyage, I really hope that they use this phone booth in the scene where they travel back in time to Kochi in an effort to make out with Vicki’s totally awesome Grandmom.
COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 15 - “IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER”
If you don’t know what famous SNL sketch is being referenced by my title than you are most likely a delinquent kid who could use a visit from motivation speaker Matt Foley.
I’m embarrassed to even write this as I love my wife, but not only did Vicki NOT get the reference, she also went on to add that the van in this photo is nowhere near a river. I clearly married a delinquent who likes to rub it in. Damn.
COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 14 - “TWO OPTIONS”
As far as I can tell I’ve got two options…
1. I can let this rather mysterious photo stand on it’s own as a photograph and not ruin it with some stupid caption.
2. I can write something about Clark Kent’s regrettable business trip to Japan where he had several awkward encounters in Japanese phone booths.
Damn, I think I just went with option two without even realizing it.
PLACES OF JAPAN 08 - “SUMO TENT RING”
I say it’s a Sumo Tent, Vicki says it’s a Sumo Pit, but then she changes her mind and says that it’s actually a Sumo Ring. Since she’s obviously not sure what the hell it is I decided to follow my gut and go with “tent”. Obviously Vicki wasn’t too happy with this decision and punched me in the gut, so I crossed out tent and wrote “ring”. Everyone wins.
Anyway, this tent was literally two blocks from Vicki’s Grandmom’s house, how cool is that? I like picturing Vicki’s cute little 89-year-old Grandmom sneaking out at midnight and participating in an “Underground Senior Sumo Club”. As awesome as Fight Club was, I think a similar film starring Vicki’s Grandmom and my Grandpa Herb called Senior Sumo Club would be much funnier.