TANNER BLOG
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Hi, I'm Tanner. I like cloudy days and fish tanks. I have a wife and a kid. I like them as well.
Posts tagged poem
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BUNKO FORGETS HER CHAPSTICK

As she waits to die,

she looks up at the sky,

and wonders why,

her lips are dry.

MOON WALKERS

She wanted to stay,

inside the truck,

he said no way,

and now they’re stuck.

BUNKO LEAVES A MAN BEHIND

He cries for help,

she turns her head,

he’s stuck in kelp,

and left for dead.

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY WE UP AND GOT MARRIED

This was our “Save The Date” card.

At our actual wedding, these were my vows:

Hey Vicki,
My suit is probably very itchy and my collar’s probably way too tight,
but right now I don’t notice because you are so beautiful in your dress that is white.

Hey Vicki,
I promise to start taking you on dates to places besides movies and food courts,
and as a bonus I’ll wear shirts with collars and actual pants, not soccer shorts.

Hey Vicki,
If you ever get sick and can’t get out of bed to make us lunch,
don’t worry, I’ll make you soup with advil and hug you a whole bunch.

Hey Vicki,
Remember that bottle rocket mishap where I ran away because I was so scared…
that was a terrible thing to do, I’m so sorry.

Hey Vicki,
Starting today I promise to protect you from bottle rockets gone awry,
And all other scary things like bad dreams, sharks, and pink eye.

Hey Vicki,
When you turn 80 and look in the mirror and get sad because you have some wrinkles,
don’t worry, bald overweight Tanner will cheer you up with a cupcake full of sprinkles.

Hey Vicki,
I promise to be loyal to you like Patches was to Pam,
If you are the green eggs please consider me your ham.

Question: Did you keep your vows?

Answer: Not so much. I mean, Vicki hasn’t really been attacked by any sharks, so I’ve got that going for me, but other than that… ummmm. I mean, I really wanted my vows to rhyme, so I think that kind of forced me to make some stuff up, just to, you know, get the words to rhyme. Also, I do plan on giving Vicki a cupcake when she turns 80.

OH NO SHE DIDN’T

He acts all chummy,

but is really pissed,

cause in his tummy,

she’s shoved her fist.

DIRTY KNEES AND HONEY BEES

The man cried ouch,

when on a spree,

he jumped the couch,

and broke his knee.

POISONED PEAR

He could not withstand,

the poisoned pear,

so she holds his hand,

and says a prayer.

POEM NUMBER SIXTY FOUR

Deep in the ocean, 

he will soon meet his doom,

because he stole the promotion,

from the guy with the broom.

…………………………………………..

Read my other sixty-three “poems about my pictures” here.

PRIVATE DETECTIVES

She lost her socks,

she lost her shoes,

so in the box,

they look for clues.

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