VICKI KILLS RABID SPARROW

This one time a rabid sparrow crashed through my window so I got down on the floor and called Vicki and told her to buy a crossbow on her way home from yoga class.

Twenty minutes later Vicki waked in and shot an arrow right through that sparrow.

DON’T “F” WITH GEOFF

This one time my friend Geoff was about to bite into his Auntie Anne’s soft pretzel when some surfer dude in flip flops appeared out of nowhere and stole it! As is often the case in such situations, Geoff calmly removed his shirt, jumped onto his moped, chased down the surfer dude, and ripped off his leg!!!

The moral of this story…

DON’T F WITH GEOFF!!!

Disclaimer: The phrase “Don’t F With Geoff” is copyrighted to Nick Prevas and Geofferson Thomas. If you would like to use it as your company slogan and/or swim team name, I believe that they are currently charging a flat fee of around three hundred dollars for unlimited usage throughout the universe*.

*Universe does not include Nebraska, Jupiter, or the Atlantic Ocean.

THE TIME VICKI ALMOST ATE RIGBY

This one time Vicki and I got lost in a snow storm while walking Rigby. After about ten minutes Vicki’s tummy began to rumble and she suggested that we eat Rigby. Rigby quickly yelled “Damn woman! It’s only been ten minutes! At least eat some snow before you eat YOUR F-ING PUPPY!!!”. An awkward silence soon ensued where they both glared at me for support. Eventually I reluctantly mumbled “he’s kind of gotta point”.

I’ve been sleeping on the couch ever since.

MY JOURNAL ENTRY OF THE WEEK - POLAR-oid BEAR

I liked this one best because…

a. it has a baby polar bear and a rainbow!!!

b. it has a baby polar bear and a rainbow!!!

c. it has a baby polar bear and a rainbow!!!

d. all of the above.

Answer: “D”

Behind-the-scenes: I couldn’t find my pencil sharpener last night, so in order to complete this drawing I had to risk my life several times by using Vicki’s biggest kitchen knife to sharpen my colored pencils.

P.S. Please don’t tell Vicki that I used her biggest kitchen knife, she’d KILL me, I’m DEAD serious. Vicki is very protective of two things in this world, one being her knives, the other being the stuffed baby penguin I got her for Christmas in 2005.

P.S. #2 Don’t tell Vicki this, but if winter rolls around and she tries to once again steal my cozy winter cap, I’m gonna murder that stuffed baby penguin with her biggest kitchen knife.

To see more of my daily journal entries feel free to check out MY DAILY JOURNAL THING.

HIPSTER MANNEQUIN IN UNDERPANTS EATEN BY KITCHEN PLAYSET!!!

Couple of things about this one…

1. I took this polaroid around seven years ago. It served as a “vital clue” in my student film Nomar Number 3.

2. It’s clear that my recent obsession with underpants may not be so recent after all.

3. Of all the disturbing things happening in this photo, I find the missing shoe to be the most disturbing element of all. I’m not sure why, but the absence of the second hi-top is just really unsettling. Of course the band-aid on the right knee is pretty strange as well.

Six hours left till midnight…

How many items on my daily to-do-list will I complete???

Will I find my socks? Will I find my watch? Will I invest in some pens that don’t smear? Will I spend some quality alone time with my fish? Will I spend some quality alone time with jealous Rigby? And most importantly, is it still possible to have bagels for breakfast???

Tune in HERE later tonight to find out!

He acts all chummy,

but is really pissed,

cause in his tummy,

she’s shoved her fist.

……………………………

Read more poems about my pictures here.

Plants and polaroids keep fish happy.

BEHOLD THE PATHETIC POWER OF GRAVKITTY!!!

So thirty days ago I got Vicki this Hello Kitty Balloon for her 30th birthday. Somehow the damn thing’s still floating. Poor gravity, that guy never gets any respect when sweet lady helium’s around.  

Also, I’m doing this thing called instagram now. It’s pretty new and I’m probably the first or second person doing it. Definitely check it out if you have an iPhone, I think it’s gonna be big.