My mom on a moped, circa 2002.

Can your mom tame a moped? I doubt it. It’s all good though, she still knew how to make a baby, which I’d imagine is way harder than learning how to ride a moped.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the ladies who make babies!

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 11 - “TANNER AND VICKI EDIT A STUDENT FILM”

My friend Nick took this polaroid of Vicki and I pulling an all-night editing session on one of our student films way back when (way back when I was thin and in-shape, that is). I believe the student film in question is called Platform. It dealt with the heavy issues of relationships and cloning. Several red jumpsuits were involved, it was pretty awesome.

That being said, all-night editing sessions can be quite rough. The lack of sleep combined with the realization that you forgot to record any freaking audio can take a heavy toll on one’s mind and body. A good example of what I’m talking about can be seen in the polaroid pictured above. If you look closely you will see that Vicki’s face looks absolutely terrible. Also, she appears to have gone a bit mad, and as such it looks like I’m probably doing all the work while she points maniacally at one of her missing teeth.

He could not withstand,

the poisoned pear,

so she holds his hand,

and says a prayer.

……………………………………

Read more poems about my pictures here.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 10 - “MY COLLEGE DORM ROOM, DAY 1”

Apparently I was keeping things pretty simple my freshman year. All I needed was a fish tank and a bed and I was good to go. From the looks of things I didn’t even need a blanket.

Unfortunately my minimalist lifestyle didn’t last too long. By the end of the semester I had splurged on a Beastie Boys poster, a microwave, and yes, even a blanket.

It sure paid to work at the UMBC Yum Shop.

Damn, I miss college.

POEM NUMBER SIXTY FOUR

Deep in the ocean, 

he will soon meet his doom,

because he stole the promotion,

from the guy with the broom.

…………………………………………..

Read my other sixty-three “poems about my pictures” here.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 09 - “PREGNANCY SCARE”

This polaroid was taken a few years back during one of our desert adventures in California. As the sun was setting we pulled over near a field and shot off our final polaroid. I’m not quite sure what we were going for with this one, but I rather like it.

The distraught looks on our underexposed faces makes me think the following conversation is probably being had…

Vicki: “I think I might be pregnant.”

Me: “Like, with a baby?”

Vicki: “Yep.”

Me: “Not a good time woman.”

She lost her socks,

she lost her shoes,

so in the box,

they look for clues.

………………………….

Read my other sixty two “poems about my pictures” here.

One is white,

the other blue,

but it’s alright,

their love is true.

……………………….

Read 61 more “poems about my pictures” here.

Also…

The “White One” in this photo is my friend Brion. He has cool hair and a website. Check it out.

The “Blue One” in this photo is my friend Walter. He also has cool hair and is an alcoholic pill popper.

They told Madame Jill,

that the boat was too small,

so she grabbed a big drill,

and will soon sink them all!

………………………………………

Read more poems about my pictures here.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 07 - “GIANT GERBIL AND VICKI”

A few years back Vicki and I spent a weekend in San Francisco. As we were walking to nowhere in particular we crossed paths with a giant gerbil. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, how’d you get so big?”. The gerbil replied “I ate one too many ugly little girls named Vicki”. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, good thing I’m pretty”. The gerbil said “You sure about that?” Vicki and I slowly backed away and spent the rest of the weekend hiding out in a cell on Alcatraz hoping that the giant gerbil didn’t know how to swim.