TANNER BLOG

Posts tagged poor vicki
ADORABLY GRUMPY FURBALL Not even a cute shirt with some bunnies in love could cheer up this sad furball.  Why is she sad you ask? Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but rumor has it that she worked a really long day and when she came home her worthless husband, instead of kissing her hello, demanded that she put on a furball hat so that he could take some pictures before the sun went down. Apparently he wants to use pictures of furballs in his next After Effects video. The real tragedy of this situation is that his next After Effects video is probably going to suck worse than his first one, which, well… sucked. Again, you didn’t hear this from me.

ADORABLY GRUMPY FURBALL

Not even a cute shirt with some bunnies in love could cheer up this sad furball. 

Why is she sad you ask?

Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but rumor has it that she worked a really long day and when she came home her worthless husband, instead of kissing her hello, demanded that she put on a furball hat so that he could take some pictures before the sun went down. Apparently he wants to use pictures of furballs in his next After Effects video. The real tragedy of this situation is that his next After Effects video is probably going to suck worse than his first one, which, well… sucked. Again, you didn’t hear this from me.

VICKI GETS MAD AT TANNER IN JAPAN 02 - “AT LEAST ONE FAMILY WAS HAPPY THAT DAY” As I was taking a picture of this beautiful family at a shrine in Kyoto, Vicki began a conversation that unfortunately did not lead to a very happy ending… Vicki: “I wish we would’ve rented kimonos and gotten the full Kyoto experience.” Me: “I dunna know, I’m more of a pants man.” Vicki: “You and your pants can go to hell. Way to ruin the moment.”  (For the record, I was unaware that we were even in a “moment”) Me: “Woah little penguin, what’d I do?” Vicki: “All you do is take pictures and ignore me. We’ll never be happy like that family.” At this point Vicki’s eyes began to tear up, so I resorted to my classic “go to” line that I’ve used in countless similar situations. Me: “Don’t be sad.” And once again, my classic “go to” line let me down. Vicki immediately erupted into a burst of tears. I really need a better “go to” line. Also, yes, sometimes I call Vicki “little penguin”.

VICKI GETS MAD AT TANNER IN JAPAN 02 - “AT LEAST ONE FAMILY WAS HAPPY THAT DAY”

As I was taking a picture of this beautiful family at a shrine in Kyoto, Vicki began a conversation that unfortunately did not lead to a very happy ending…

Vicki: “I wish we would’ve rented kimonos and gotten the full Kyoto experience.”

Me: “I dunna know, I’m more of a pants man.”

Vicki: “You and your pants can go to hell. Way to ruin the moment.” 

(For the record, I was unaware that we were even in a “moment”)

Me: “Woah little penguin, what’d I do?”

Vicki: “All you do is take pictures and ignore me. We’ll never be happy like that family.”

At this point Vicki’s eyes began to tear up, so I resorted to my classic “go to” line that I’ve used in countless similar situations.

Me: “Don’t be sad.”

And once again, my classic “go to” line let me down. Vicki immediately erupted into a burst of tears. I really need a better “go to” line.

Also, yes, sometimes I call Vicki “little penguin”.

VICKI GETS MAD AT TANNER IN JAPAN 01 - “MONK DRAMA” As we were leaving a shrine during our day in Kyoto we came upon the adorable woman pictured above. For some reason Vicki decided to actually be nice for once in her life by donating some money to the woman. I know you’re probably thinking “Yeah right, Vicki would never do anything nice for anyone, if anything she’d try to steal that woman’s lovely cap. Pics or didn’t happen”. Well, it’s true, and here’s a few pics to prove it… Here is an exact transcript, per verbatim, of the conversation I had with Vicki a few moments after I took these photos… Me: “Wow, the homeless people in Japan are so polite. I can’t believe she actually bowed to you, that’s so cool.” Vicki: “She’s not homeless you idiot, she’s a monk.” Me: “Seriously? That’s crazy, why’d I think she was homeless?” Vicki: “Please don’t talk” Me: “I didn’t even know women could be monks. That’s pretty cool.” Vicki: “Seriously, keep you’re mouth shut!” At this point Vicki walked to the other side of the street and pretended not to know me.

VICKI GETS MAD AT TANNER IN JAPAN 01 - “MONK DRAMA”

As we were leaving a shrine during our day in Kyoto we came upon the adorable woman pictured above. For some reason Vicki decided to actually be nice for once in her life by donating some money to the woman. I know you’re probably thinking “Yeah right, Vicki would never do anything nice for anyone, if anything she’d try to steal that woman’s lovely cap. Pics or didn’t happen”. Well, it’s true, and here’s a few pics to prove it…

Here is an exact transcript, per verbatim, of the conversation I had with Vicki a few moments after I took these photos…

Me: “Wow, the homeless people in Japan are so polite. I can’t believe she actually bowed to you, that’s so cool.”

Vicki: “She’s not homeless you idiot, she’s a monk.”

Me: “Seriously? That’s crazy, why’d I think she was homeless?”

Vicki: “Please don’t talk”

Me: “I didn’t even know women could be monks. That’s pretty cool.”

Vicki: “Seriously, keep you’re mouth shut!”

At this point Vicki walked to the other side of the street and pretended not to know me.

BIG DECISIONS IN JAPAN 01 - “VOLUPTUOUS VICKI’S VENDING VICE” Girl can’t help it, she’s addicted to vending machines. What’s interesting is that no matter what vending machine she’s at, she always selects whatever’s in slot “B4”. Her mom blames this compulsion on a traumatic Battleship incident that Vicki had when she was five. Apparently “B4” was the final coordinate that her Grandpa needed to sink poor Vicki’s battleship. No wonder Vicki has a bizarre vending machine compulsion. What kind of Grandpa sinks his granddaughter’s battleship??? Outrage I say!!!

BIG DECISIONS IN JAPAN 01 - “VOLUPTUOUS VICKI’S VENDING VICE”

Girl can’t help it, she’s addicted to vending machines. What’s interesting is that no matter what vending machine she’s at, she always selects whatever’s in slot “B4”. Her mom blames this compulsion on a traumatic Battleship incident that Vicki had when she was five. Apparently “B4” was the final coordinate that her Grandpa needed to sink poor Vicki’s battleship.

No wonder Vicki has a bizarre vending machine compulsion. What kind of Grandpa sinks his granddaughter’s battleship??? Outrage I say!!!

SAD STUFF IN JAPAN 02 - “MY WIFE’S PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT A COZY WINTER CAP” Not even a pair of furball earmuffs could save this train wreck of coziness. Trust me, Vicki may look cute and comfy in this photo, but it’s all acting. As soon as the camera was off she was literally begging me for my cozy winter cap. I said “Hell no woman! It’s not my fault you created some haphazard frankenstein contraption to keep your head warm! I’d rather give you a kiss in public than give up my cozy winter cap!!!” (If you know me this is sort of funny as I am VERY against public displays of affection). Anyway, I think it goes without saying that Vicki ultimately ended up with my cozy winter cap. Once she starts talking with her fists I tend to give in to her demands. To read more tales of our cozy winter cap drama while in Japan click here, here, or here.

SAD STUFF IN JAPAN 02 - “MY WIFE’S PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT A COZY WINTER CAP”

Not even a pair of furball earmuffs could save this train wreck of coziness. Trust me, Vicki may look cute and comfy in this photo, but it’s all acting. As soon as the camera was off she was literally begging me for my cozy winter cap. I said “Hell no woman! It’s not my fault you created some haphazard frankenstein contraption to keep your head warm! I’d rather give you a kiss in public than give up my cozy winter cap!!!” (If you know me this is sort of funny as I am VERY against public displays of affection).

Anyway, I think it goes without saying that Vicki ultimately ended up with my cozy winter cap. Once she starts talking with her fists I tend to give in to her demands.

To read more tales of our cozy winter cap drama while in Japan click here, here, or here.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 07 - “GIANT GERBIL AND VICKI” A few years back Vicki and I spent a weekend in San Francisco. As we were walking to nowhere in particular we crossed paths with a giant gerbil. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, how’d you get so big?”. The gerbil replied “I ate one too many ugly little girls named Vicki”. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, good thing I’m pretty”. The gerbil said “You sure about that?” Vicki and I slowly backed away and spent the rest of the weekend hiding out in a cell on Alcatraz hoping that the giant gerbil didn’t know how to swim.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 07 - “GIANT GERBIL AND VICKI”

A few years back Vicki and I spent a weekend in San Francisco. As we were walking to nowhere in particular we crossed paths with a giant gerbil. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, how’d you get so big?”. The gerbil replied “I ate one too many ugly little girls named Vicki”. Vicki said “Damn gerbil, good thing I’m pretty”. The gerbil said “You sure about that?” Vicki and I slowly backed away and spent the rest of the weekend hiding out in a cell on Alcatraz hoping that the giant gerbil didn’t know how to swim.

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 16 - “COOL COWBOYS LIVE IN OLD MOVIES” This sign was so awesome, yet so confusing, all at the same time. Here’s how our little sign adventure went down… Me: “I’m so confused? Is this sign pro-smoking or anti-smoking? I think it’s gotta be anti-smoking, right? But at the same time it’s making me want to smoke, so I’m not sure what to think. I’m torn Vicki… I’m a torn man.” Vicki: “Good grief torn man! It’s not even about smoking! It’s about littering.” Me: “Really, I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure it’s definitely about smok” Vicki (yelling): “IT’S SO OBVIOUS!!!” At this point I give Vicki a grumpy look and then proceed to closely examine the sign for about thirty seconds. Me: “Hmmm… I see what you’re saying, but the question nonetheless remains… is it pro-littering or anti-littering? As such, I remain a torn man.” Vicki: “AGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!” An awkward silence ensues. After a minute or so I break the tension with this little gem… Me: “So, whaddya think the odds are of us actually finding chicken teriyaki today?” At this point Vicki threw her cup of coffee at me. Me: “Looks like someone is living in an old movie!” Vicki (reluctantly): “Okay… that’s actually kind of funny.”

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 16 - “COOL COWBOYS LIVE IN OLD MOVIES”

This sign was so awesome, yet so confusing, all at the same time. Here’s how our little sign adventure went down…

Me: “I’m so confused? Is this sign pro-smoking or anti-smoking? I think it’s gotta be anti-smoking, right? But at the same time it’s making me want to smoke, so I’m not sure what to think. I’m torn Vicki… I’m a torn man.”

Vicki: “Good grief torn man! It’s not even about smoking! It’s about littering.”

Me: “Really, I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure it’s definitely about smok”

Vicki (yelling): “IT’S SO OBVIOUS!!!”

At this point I give Vicki a grumpy look and then proceed to closely examine the sign for about thirty seconds.

Me: “Hmmm… I see what you’re saying, but the question nonetheless remains… is it pro-littering or anti-littering? As such, I remain a torn man.”

Vicki: “AGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

An awkward silence ensues. After a minute or so I break the tension with this little gem…

Me: “So, whaddya think the odds are of us actually finding chicken teriyaki today?”

At this point Vicki threw her cup of coffee at me.

Me: “Looks like someone is living in an old movie!”

Vicki (reluctantly): “Okay… that’s actually kind of funny.”

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 15 - “IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER” If you don’t know what famous SNL sketch is being referenced by my title than you are most likely a delinquent kid who could use a visit from motivation speaker Matt Foley. I’m embarrassed to even write this as I love my wife, but not only did Vicki NOT get the reference, she also went on to add that the van in this photo is nowhere near a river. I clearly married a delinquent who likes to rub it in. Damn. 

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 15 - “IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER”

If you don’t know what famous SNL sketch is being referenced by my title than you are most likely a delinquent kid who could use a visit from motivation speaker Matt Foley.

I’m embarrassed to even write this as I love my wife, but not only did Vicki NOT get the reference, she also went on to add that the van in this photo is nowhere near a river. I clearly married a delinquent who likes to rub it in. Damn. 

PLACES OF JAPAN 08 - “SUMO TENT RING” I say it’s a Sumo Tent, Vicki says it’s a Sumo Pit, but then she changes her mind and says that it’s actually a Sumo Ring. Since she’s obviously not sure what the hell it is I decided to follow my gut and go with “tent”. Obviously Vicki wasn’t too happy with this decision and punched me in the gut, so I crossed out tent and wrote “ring”. Everyone wins. Anyway, this tent was literally two blocks from Vicki’s Grandmom’s house, how cool is that? I like picturing Vicki’s cute little 89-year-old Grandmom sneaking out at midnight and participating in an “Underground Senior Sumo Club”. As awesome as Fight Club was, I think a similar film starring Vicki’s Grandmom and my Grandpa Herb called Senior Sumo Club would be much funnier.

PLACES OF JAPAN 08 - “SUMO TENT RING”

I say it’s a Sumo Tent, Vicki says it’s a Sumo Pit, but then she changes her mind and says that it’s actually a Sumo Ring. Since she’s obviously not sure what the hell it is I decided to follow my gut and go with “tent”. Obviously Vicki wasn’t too happy with this decision and punched me in the gut, so I crossed out tent and wrote “ring”. Everyone wins.

Anyway, this tent was literally two blocks from Vicki’s Grandmom’s house, how cool is that? I like picturing Vicki’s cute little 89-year-old Grandmom sneaking out at midnight and participating in an “Underground Senior Sumo Club”. As awesome as Fight Club was, I think a similar film starring Vicki’s Grandmom and my Grandpa Herb called Senior Sumo Club would be much funnier.

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