ADORABLY GRUMPY FURBALL
Not even a cute shirt with some bunnies in love could cheer up this sad furball. 
Why is she sad you ask?
Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but rumor has it that she worked a really long day and when she came home her worthless husband, instead of kissing her hello, demanded that she put on a furball hat so that he could take some pictures before the sun went down. Apparently he wants to use pictures of furballs in his next After Effects video. The real tragedy of this situation is that his next After Effects video is probably going to suck worse than his first one, which, well… sucked. Again, you didn’t hear this from me.

ADORABLY GRUMPY FURBALL

Not even a cute shirt with some bunnies in love could cheer up this sad furball. 

Why is she sad you ask?

Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but rumor has it that she worked a really long day and when she came home her worthless husband, instead of kissing her hello, demanded that she put on a furball hat so that he could take some pictures before the sun went down. Apparently he wants to use pictures of furballs in his next After Effects video. The real tragedy of this situation is that his next After Effects video is probably going to suck worse than his first one, which, well… sucked. Again, you didn’t hear this from me.

BIG DECISIONS IN JAPAN 01 - “VOLUPTUOUS VICKI’S VENDING VICE”
Girl can’t help it, she’s addicted to vending machines. What’s interesting is that no matter what vending machine she’s at, she always selects whatever’s in slot “B4”. Her mom blames this compulsion on a traumatic Battleship incident that Vicki had when she was five. Apparently “B4” was the final coordinate that her Grandpa needed to sink poor Vicki’s battleship.
No wonder Vicki has a bizarre vending machine compulsion. What kind of Grandpa sinks his granddaughter’s battleship??? Outrage I say!!!

BIG DECISIONS IN JAPAN 01 - “VOLUPTUOUS VICKI’S VENDING VICE”

Girl can’t help it, she’s addicted to vending machines. What’s interesting is that no matter what vending machine she’s at, she always selects whatever’s in slot “B4”. Her mom blames this compulsion on a traumatic Battleship incident that Vicki had when she was five. Apparently “B4” was the final coordinate that her Grandpa needed to sink poor Vicki’s battleship.

No wonder Vicki has a bizarre vending machine compulsion. What kind of Grandpa sinks his granddaughter’s battleship??? Outrage I say!!!

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 16 - “COOL COWBOYS LIVE IN OLD MOVIES”
This sign was so awesome, yet so confusing, all at the same time. Here’s how our little sign adventure went down…
Me: “I’m so confused? Is this sign pro-smoking or anti-smoking? I think it’s gotta be anti-smoking, right? But at the same time it’s making me want to smoke, so I’m not sure what to think. I’m torn Vicki… I’m a torn man.”
Vicki: “Good grief torn man! It’s not even about smoking! It’s about littering.”
Me: “Really, I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure it’s definitely about smok”
Vicki (yelling): “IT’S SO OBVIOUS!!!”
At this point I give Vicki a grumpy look and then proceed to closely examine the sign for about thirty seconds.
Me: “Hmmm… I see what you’re saying, but the question nonetheless remains… is it pro-littering or anti-littering? As such, I remain a torn man.”
Vicki: “AGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
An awkward silence ensues. After a minute or so I break the tension with this little gem…
Me: “So, whaddya think the odds are of us actually finding chicken teriyaki today?”
At this point Vicki threw her cup of coffee at me.
Me: “Looks like someone is living in an old movie!”
Vicki (reluctantly): “Okay… that’s actually kind of funny.”

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 16 - “COOL COWBOYS LIVE IN OLD MOVIES”

This sign was so awesome, yet so confusing, all at the same time. Here’s how our little sign adventure went down…

Me: “I’m so confused? Is this sign pro-smoking or anti-smoking? I think it’s gotta be anti-smoking, right? But at the same time it’s making me want to smoke, so I’m not sure what to think. I’m torn Vicki… I’m a torn man.”

Vicki: “Good grief torn man! It’s not even about smoking! It’s about littering.”

Me: “Really, I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure it’s definitely about smok”

Vicki (yelling): “IT’S SO OBVIOUS!!!”

At this point I give Vicki a grumpy look and then proceed to closely examine the sign for about thirty seconds.

Me: “Hmmm… I see what you’re saying, but the question nonetheless remains… is it pro-littering or anti-littering? As such, I remain a torn man.”

Vicki: “AGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

An awkward silence ensues. After a minute or so I break the tension with this little gem…

Me: “So, whaddya think the odds are of us actually finding chicken teriyaki today?”

At this point Vicki threw her cup of coffee at me.

Me: “Looks like someone is living in an old movie!”

Vicki (reluctantly): “Okay… that’s actually kind of funny.”

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 15 - “IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER”
If you don’t know what famous SNL sketch is being referenced by my title than you are most likely a delinquent kid who could use a visit from motivation speaker Matt Foley.
I’m embarrassed to even write this as I love my wife, but not only did Vicki NOT get the reference, she also went on to add that the van in this photo is nowhere near a river. I clearly married a delinquent who likes to rub it in. Damn. 

COOL STUFF IN JAPAN 15 - “IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER”

If you don’t know what famous SNL sketch is being referenced by my title than you are most likely a delinquent kid who could use a visit from motivation speaker Matt Foley.

I’m embarrassed to even write this as I love my wife, but not only did Vicki NOT get the reference, she also went on to add that the van in this photo is nowhere near a river. I clearly married a delinquent who likes to rub it in. Damn. 

THE FLOWER SWEEPER OR HOW I LEARNED NOTHING AND MADE VICKI CRY
I remember taking this picture and then immediately complaining to Vicki about how I wasn’t getting any good photos on the trip. I went so far as to say that it was her fault for not wearing any cool outfits (of course by “cool” I really mean “odd”, her outfit probably was actually “cool”). Obviously she became really upset and I spent the next few hours making my “sad panda” face to cheer her up. As always, the “sad panda” face eventually won her over, although it took a bit longer than usual. I’m a terrible person.

THE FLOWER SWEEPER OR HOW I LEARNED NOTHING AND MADE VICKI CRY

I remember taking this picture and then immediately complaining to Vicki about how I wasn’t getting any good photos on the trip. I went so far as to say that it was her fault for not wearing any cool outfits (of course by “cool” I really mean “odd”, her outfit probably was actually “cool”). Obviously she became really upset and I spent the next few hours making my “sad panda” face to cheer her up. As always, the “sad panda” face eventually won her over, although it took a bit longer than usual. I’m a terrible person.

MY BIGGEST REGRET
For some reason I convinced Vicki that we didn’t need this Travel Tips Book based on my stubborn belief that wandering around blindly would lead to the best adventures.
Note to self: Always buy a Travel Tips Book when in foreign lands. If you don’t you will most likely end up lost and cold on a random boring street. Eventually you will be so hungry that you will be forced to eat in a McDonalds because for some reason it’s the only place open. And that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that you won’t even be able to enjoy your delightful Chicken McNuggets because your wife will literally be sobbing into her Big Mac. So yeah, always buy the Travel Tips Book.

MY BIGGEST REGRET

For some reason I convinced Vicki that we didn’t need this Travel Tips Book based on my stubborn belief that wandering around blindly would lead to the best adventures.

Note to self: Always buy a Travel Tips Book when in foreign lands. If you don’t you will most likely end up lost and cold on a random boring street. Eventually you will be so hungry that you will be forced to eat in a McDonalds because for some reason it’s the only place open. And that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that you won’t even be able to enjoy your delightful Chicken McNuggets because your wife will literally be sobbing into her Big Mac. So yeah, always buy the Travel Tips Book.

Past Christmas Classics: 2008 CHRISTMAS CARD REJECT PHOTOS
No. 01 - “COLLECT CALL GIRL”
In 2008 Vicki and I packed up and headed out to our brand new “vacation dream trailer” to take our annual Christmas Card photo. In this shot Vicki is on the phone trying to reach Carl, the scuba instructor who sold us the alleged “dream trailer”, to let him know that it needed more than a few repairs.

Past Christmas Classics: 2008 CHRISTMAS CARD REJECT PHOTOS

No. 01 - “COLLECT CALL GIRL”

In 2008 Vicki and I packed up and headed out to our brand new “vacation dream trailer” to take our annual Christmas Card photo. In this shot Vicki is on the phone trying to reach Carl, the scuba instructor who sold us the alleged “dream trailer”, to let him know that it needed more than a few repairs.

Past Christmas Classics: 2007 CHRISTMAS CARD REJECT PHOTOS
No. 04 - “VICKI BITES IT AND I DO NOTHING”
I rather like this one and honestly regret not using it for our card. The “plan” for this shot was for Vicki and I to sit on the cooler and “ride it like a pony”. So I hit the timer, Vicki hops on the cooler, I run to the cooler, cooler slides out from under Vicki, Vicki falls to floor, I get to scene and do absolutely nothing to help.

Past Christmas Classics: 2007 CHRISTMAS CARD REJECT PHOTOS

No. 04 - “VICKI BITES IT AND I DO NOTHING”

I rather like this one and honestly regret not using it for our card. The “plan” for this shot was for Vicki and I to sit on the cooler and “ride it like a pony”. So I hit the timer, Vicki hops on the cooler, I run to the cooler, cooler slides out from under Vicki, Vicki falls to floor, I get to scene and do absolutely nothing to help.

Past Christmas Classics: 2006 CHRISTMAS CARD
"MERRY MILLER HO HO HIGH LIFE"
We had about 100 of these made up at Target. I believe the caption read “Tramps like us, baby we were born to run - The Boss” followed by “Peace! Tanner and Vicki”. Obviously we were heavy into Bruce Springsteen at the time. Actually, I was the only one heavy into Bruce, I’m not too sure Vicki was all that thrilled with the caption.
A bit of trivia: We’ve been portraying variations of these two lovable characters in every Christmas Card since the beautiful disaster you see here.
Another bit of trivia: I’m wearing ladies pants in this photo.

Past Christmas Classics: 2006 CHRISTMAS CARD

"MERRY MILLER HO HO HIGH LIFE"

We had about 100 of these made up at Target. I believe the caption read “Tramps like us, baby we were born to run - The Boss” followed by “Peace! Tanner and Vicki”. Obviously we were heavy into Bruce Springsteen at the time. Actually, I was the only one heavy into Bruce, I’m not too sure Vicki was all that thrilled with the caption.

A bit of trivia: We’ve been portraying variations of these two lovable characters in every Christmas Card since the beautiful disaster you see here.

Another bit of trivia: I’m wearing ladies pants in this photo.