VICKI DOESN’T SHARE THEM APPLES
This one time Vicki and I were at a carnival and I spent my last twenty bucks attempting to win her a stuffed baby porcupine dressed like a bumble bee (I did not succeed). As we were leaving the carnival she got herself a delectable candy apple. I asked her if I could have a bite. She said “You can have a bite when I have a stuffed baby porcupine dressed like a bumble bee”.
The next day I went out and got myself a squirt gun and a wooden bird feeder. I spent the next 364 days shooting that squirt gun through the little hole of the bird feeder. We went back to the carnival and I easily won the stuffed baby porcupine dressed like a bumble bee. I handed it to Vicki and asked for a bite of her candy apple. She replied “I don’t wan’t a stuffed baby porcupine dressed like a bumble bee, I want a stuffed baby bumble bee dressed like porcupine. No bite for you!!!”
Anyway, the most amazing part of this whole story is that she was still chewing on that same damn candy apple nearly a year later.
Six hours left till midnight…
How many items on my daily to-do-list will I complete???
Will I find my socks? Will I find my watch? Will I invest in some pens that don’t smear? Will I spend some quality alone time with my fish? Will I spend some quality alone time with jealous Rigby? And most importantly, is it still possible to have bagels for breakfast???
Tune in HERE later tonight to find out!
TOM ALMON - THE RELUCTANT HERO
Hey Dad, thanks so much for reluctantly portraying the mighty Papa Nemo in one of my student films many years ago. Although you were blessed with the coveted lead role of a community hero with the incredible ability to jump off high dives and catch beach balls while in mid-air, I realize that you were still nonetheless…
a. extremely pissed off the entire time,
b. more embarrassed than you’d ever been in your entire life,
and
c. quickly realizing that your son was “no Spielberg, that’s for sure”.
Yet for some reason you stuck with it and saw the whole damn thing through till the bitter end, and that’s saying a lot considering we had to shoot your dramatic death scene in front of the entire UMBC women’s swim team. Hell, I even I almost jumped ship that day, and all I had to do was hold a camera.
So yeah, if dads are measured by their ability to put up with their kid’s stupid art projects than you’ve gotta be the best dad in America. Thanks man.
Anyway, here’s a few behind-the-scenes pictures of my Dad as Papa Nemo taken on the set of of my student film Nomar Number Three.
If you’d like to read a bit more about Nomar Number Three click here.
The thing about digital
is that it captures Furball details WAY better than the Fuji Instax Mini ever could’ve dreamed of. I think this photo perfectly demonstrates why that is certainly NOT a good thing.
What is a good thing is that I think I found myself a new Twitter profile picture! Gotta love Furballs with underbites!
SPACE FURBALLS MAKES ME SAD
Because I’ll be staring at them all damn weekend as I try to manipulate their space-age furball bodies in Adobe After Effects. But before I can even get started on that inevitable motion graphics disaster, I’m first gonna have to cut these furballs out from their backgrounds in Photoshop, which unfortunately will be quite a bit harder than originally anticipated.
Way to shoot grey fuzzy hats in front of big grey wall Tanner! Of all the colors in the world so shoot a grey fuzzy hat in front of, you picked the absolute worst one for what you are trying to do! Congratulations, here’s a free iPhone so you can call your mom and tell her just how much of a disappointment you really are!!!
Finally, in case you are curious as to what the graffiti behind me says, here ya go…
“MY FREEZER IS MY HUSBAND AND MY HUSBAND IS MY FREEZER”
Apparently a woman near where I live married a freezer. She’s gonna have way more fun this weekend with her freezer husband than I’m gonna have with After Effects, that’s for sure.
ADORABLY GRUMPY FURBALL
Not even a cute shirt with some bunnies in love could cheer up this sad furball.
Why is she sad you ask?
Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but rumor has it that she worked a really long day and when she came home her worthless husband, instead of kissing her hello, demanded that she put on a furball hat so that he could take some pictures before the sun went down. Apparently he wants to use pictures of furballs in his next After Effects video. The real tragedy of this situation is that his next After Effects video is probably going to suck worse than his first one, which, well… sucked. Again, you didn’t hear this from me.
My mom on a moped, circa 2002.
Can your mom tame a moped? I doubt it. It’s all good though, she still knew how to make a baby, which I’d imagine is way harder than learning how to ride a moped.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the ladies who make babies!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICKI PART 2 - NAKED AND HAPPY
My biggest regret in life, aside from majoring in film, is that I never knew Vicki during the days where she liked to run around the house naked and happy. She still runs around the house naked, but the happiness… it’s just not there.
PEOPLE OF JAPAN 34 - “THE GEOGRAPHER”
Okay, so he may not have been a geographer, but I sure hope he was. Either way, he definitely spent our entire five hour train ride from Kochi to Kyoto drawing spirals in his notebook.
I’m not even sure if geographers draw spirals, but I sure hope they do. I’m pretty sure if I was a geographer I’d be drawing some spirals of geological formations. I’d probably sell em on Etsy. I wonder if he sells his spirals on Etsy?
Note to self: Look up spirals on Etsy. If nothing shows up, tap into that market and get rich quick.
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