PERFECT LINES
As she waited for whatever was about to happen to happen, all she could think about were the perfect lines that showed up on the beige carpet of her childhood home as her mother vacuumed the floor. Nothing was ever perfect in her life, except for those damn lines. She regrets never telling her mother how wonderful she was at operating the vacuum cleaner.

PERFECT LINES

As she waited for whatever was about to happen to happen, all she could think about were the perfect lines that showed up on the beige carpet of her childhood home as her mother vacuumed the floor. Nothing was ever perfect in her life, except for those damn lines. She regrets never telling her mother how wonderful she was at operating the vacuum cleaner.

SPACE COFFEE
As Dave and Wendy sat in Dave’s “research” van eating space breakfast (space toast and space syrup), Dave decided to brew up some space coffee. Unfortunately he made the brew way too strong… so strong, in fact, that it blew the space coffee pot’s hermetic seal. “Dammit Dave! The hermetic seal’s been breached! We be doomed my man!” 
Dave clumsily tried to clog the leak with space syrup, but it was too late, the space coffee’s stale aroma had already permeated the perimeter and awakened the hibernating skelebots*.
And thus so began the Great Skelebot Uprising of 1989. As a particularly cranky skelebot battled Wendy for her space mug full of stale space coffee, Dave attempted to phone ground control. Regrettably, Dave’s fingers, still covered in sticky space syrup, made this task more or less impossible. Wendy was abducted and Dave was left for dead (with a phone stuck to his hand).
* A skelebot is a creature, most likely from hell, that has the head of a robot and the body of a human skeleton. They enjoy space coffee, 80’s New Wave, and animated GIFs.

SPACE COFFEE

As Dave and Wendy sat in Dave’s “research” van eating space breakfast (space toast and space syrup), Dave decided to brew up some space coffee. Unfortunately he made the brew way too strong… so strong, in fact, that it blew the space coffee pot’s hermetic seal. “Dammit Dave! The hermetic seal’s been breached! We be doomed my man!” 

Dave clumsily tried to clog the leak with space syrup, but it was too late, the space coffee’s stale aroma had already permeated the perimeter and awakened the hibernating skelebots*.

And thus so began the Great Skelebot Uprising of 1989. As a particularly cranky skelebot battled Wendy for her space mug full of stale space coffee, Dave attempted to phone ground control. Regrettably, Dave’s fingers, still covered in sticky space syrup, made this task more or less impossible. Wendy was abducted and Dave was left for dead (with a phone stuck to his hand).

* A skelebot is a creature, most likely from hell, that has the head of a robot and the body of a human skeleton. They enjoy space coffee, 80’s New Wave, and animated GIFs.

SPACE PINEAPPLE SPACE SUCKS
A few years back, I think on a Monday, Bunko and I were on a routine geological expedition somewhere, I want to say Neptune, but I can’t be sure. I think we were looking for phosphorous or something, I honestly can’t remember. Anyway, what I do remember is getting really hungry, grabbing my portable space phone, and ordering a space pizza. I asked if they could add some space pineapple to the space pizza, as I had heard good things. Unfortunately, as soon as I asked for some space pineapple, I hear Bunko yell “AGGGGHHH! PIE PLAIN! PIE PLAIN!!!”. Because Bunko always gets what Bunko wants, I reluctantly swallowed my space pride and told them to nix the space pineapple. 
Once I hung up I realized that she wasn’t yelling “PIE PLAIN” at all, she was actually yelling “MY BRAIN”. Turns out, sometime during my ten second phone call, she had somehow gone and got herself abducted a skelebot (half robot, half human skeleton).
Like a space cheetah on space coffee, I immediately sprung into action. I called the pizza place back to say that it had all been a space sized misunderstanding, and that I still really wanted the space pineapple on the space pizza. 
The point is this: space pineapple space sucks.
Also, Bunko’s expression in this photo is too damn good. 

SPACE PINEAPPLE SPACE SUCKS

A few years back, I think on a Monday, Bunko and I were on a routine geological expedition somewhere, I want to say Neptune, but I can’t be sure. I think we were looking for phosphorous or something, I honestly can’t remember. Anyway, what I do remember is getting really hungry, grabbing my portable space phone, and ordering a space pizza. I asked if they could add some space pineapple to the space pizza, as I had heard good things. Unfortunately, as soon as I asked for some space pineapple, I hear Bunko yell “AGGGGHHH! PIE PLAIN! PIE PLAIN!!!”. Because Bunko always gets what Bunko wants, I reluctantly swallowed my space pride and told them to nix the space pineapple. 

Once I hung up I realized that she wasn’t yelling “PIE PLAIN” at all, she was actually yelling “MY BRAIN”. Turns out, sometime during my ten second phone call, she had somehow gone and got herself abducted a skelebot (half robot, half human skeleton).

Like a space cheetah on space coffee, I immediately sprung into action. I called the pizza place back to say that it had all been a space sized misunderstanding, and that I still really wanted the space pineapple on the space pizza. 

The point is this: space pineapple space sucks.

Also, Bunko’s expression in this photo is too damn good. 

NO STRANGER TO DANGER
That’s what my shirt says, although you probably can’t read it due to low quality VHS camera we used to record this. Vicki made me the shirt for my birthday around five or ten years ago. Pictured above the text is an illustration of my goldfish Bert, who had bravely driven cross country with us shortly before these shirts were made. RIP.
The place Vicki ordered the shirts from had a minimum order of ten, so I actually have ten of these awesome shirts in a fun assortment of colors. 
The best thing I ever gave Vicki for her birthday was a set of sharpies. 
Vicki > Tanner

NO STRANGER TO DANGER

That’s what my shirt says, although you probably can’t read it due to low quality VHS camera we used to record this. Vicki made me the shirt for my birthday around five or ten years ago. Pictured above the text is an illustration of my goldfish Bert, who had bravely driven cross country with us shortly before these shirts were made. RIP.

The place Vicki ordered the shirts from had a minimum order of ten, so I actually have ten of these awesome shirts in a fun assortment of colors. 

The best thing I ever gave Vicki for her birthday was a set of sharpies. 

Vicki > Tanner

j-harry-edmiston

MY INTERVIEW ON PELIME

A really cool website called PELIME (People Like Me) recently interviewed me for an article on their tumblr blog! Hopefully I didn’t come off as a pretentious ego maniac with warped delusions of monumental grandeur… but I probably did. 

Anyway, Pelime is a really cool online platform for creative folks, and apparently, me. Check it out and if you dig it let me know and I’ll shoot you an invite.

pelime:

   

www.pelime.com/tanneralmon
www.tanneralmon.com

Tanner Almon is a Baltimore born photographer who attributes much of his creative success to his parents encouragement. Having graduated film school at The University of Maryland at Baltimore County, where he had made several “rather imaginative, albeit confusing” student films, and finding it hard to organize film shoots with little money and/or equipment, he began to tell some of his stories through photography - a much more “budget friendly” medium.

Most of these photographic tales, usually shot on 35mm slide film, involve Tanner and his lovely wife, Vicki, driving out to abandoned places and taking pictures of themselves dressed up as whimsical characters caught up rather peculiar situations. Tanner views these rather quirky narratives as a way to always ensure that his imagination remains “close at hand”, his ultimate goal being to figure out a way to make a living traveling around forgotten America taking photographs with Vicki.

   

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FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!”
So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project.

Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks!

Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks.

Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal?

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!”

So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project.

image

Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks!

image

Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks.

image

Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal?

Past Christmas Classics: 2006 CHRISTMAS CARD
"MERRY MILLER HO HO HIGH LIFE"
We had about 100 of these made up at Target. I believe the caption read “Tramps like us, baby we were born to run - The Boss” followed by “Peace! Tanner and Vicki”. Obviously we were heavy into Bruce Springsteen at the time. Actually, I was the only one heavy into Bruce, I’m not too sure Vicki was all that thrilled with the caption.
A bit of trivia: We’ve been portraying variations of these two lovable characters in every Christmas Card since the beautiful disaster you see here.
Another bit of trivia: I’m wearing ladies pants in this photo.

Past Christmas Classics: 2006 CHRISTMAS CARD

"MERRY MILLER HO HO HIGH LIFE"

We had about 100 of these made up at Target. I believe the caption read “Tramps like us, baby we were born to run - The Boss” followed by “Peace! Tanner and Vicki”. Obviously we were heavy into Bruce Springsteen at the time. Actually, I was the only one heavy into Bruce, I’m not too sure Vicki was all that thrilled with the caption.

A bit of trivia: We’ve been portraying variations of these two lovable characters in every Christmas Card since the beautiful disaster you see here.

Another bit of trivia: I’m wearing ladies pants in this photo.