17th October 2011

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY WE UP AND GOT MARRIED
This was our “Save The Date” card.
At our actual wedding, these were my vows:
Hey Vicki,My suit is probably very itchy and my collar’s probably way too tight, but right now I don’t notice because you are so beautiful in your dress that is white.Hey Vicki,I promise to start taking you on dates to places besides movies and food courts,and as a bonus I’ll wear shirts with collars and actual pants, not soccer shorts.Hey Vicki,If you ever get sick and can’t get out of bed to make us lunch,don’t worry, I’ll make you soup with advil and hug you a whole bunch.Hey Vicki,Remember that bottle rocket mishap where I ran away because I was so scared…that was a terrible thing to do, I’m so sorry.Hey Vicki,Starting today I promise to protect you from bottle rockets gone awry,And all other scary things like bad dreams, sharks, and pink eye.Hey Vicki,When you turn 80 and look in the mirror and get sad because you have some wrinkles,don’t worry, bald overweight Tanner will cheer you up with a cupcake full of sprinkles.Hey Vicki,I promise to be loyal to you like Patches was to Pam,If you are the green eggs please consider me your ham.
Question: Did you keep your vows?
Answer: Not so much. I mean, Vicki hasn’t really been attacked by any sharks, so I’ve got that going for me, but other than that… ummmm. I mean, I really wanted my vows to rhyme, so I think that kind of forced me to make some stuff up, just to, you know, get the words to rhyme. Also, I do plan on giving Vicki a cupcake when she turns 80. TWO YEARS AGO TODAY WE UP AND GOT MARRIED
This was our “Save The Date” card.
At our actual wedding, these were my vows:
Hey Vicki,My suit is probably very itchy and my collar’s probably way too tight, but right now I don’t notice because you are so beautiful in your dress that is white.Hey Vicki,I promise to start taking you on dates to places besides movies and food courts,and as a bonus I’ll wear shirts with collars and actual pants, not soccer shorts.Hey Vicki,If you ever get sick and can’t get out of bed to make us lunch,don’t worry, I’ll make you soup with advil and hug you a whole bunch.Hey Vicki,Remember that bottle rocket mishap where I ran away because I was so scared…that was a terrible thing to do, I’m so sorry.Hey Vicki,Starting today I promise to protect you from bottle rockets gone awry,And all other scary things like bad dreams, sharks, and pink eye.Hey Vicki,When you turn 80 and look in the mirror and get sad because you have some wrinkles,don’t worry, bald overweight Tanner will cheer you up with a cupcake full of sprinkles.Hey Vicki,I promise to be loyal to you like Patches was to Pam,If you are the green eggs please consider me your ham.
Question: Did you keep your vows?
Answer: Not so much. I mean, Vicki hasn’t really been attacked by any sharks, so I’ve got that going for me, but other than that… ummmm. I mean, I really wanted my vows to rhyme, so I think that kind of forced me to make some stuff up, just to, you know, get the words to rhyme. Also, I do plan on giving Vicki a cupcake when she turns 80.

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY WE UP AND GOT MARRIED

This was our “Save The Date” card.

At our actual wedding, these were my vows:

Hey Vicki,
My suit is probably very itchy and my collar’s probably way too tight,
but right now I don’t notice because you are so beautiful in your dress that is white.

Hey Vicki,
I promise to start taking you on dates to places besides movies and food courts,
and as a bonus I’ll wear shirts with collars and actual pants, not soccer shorts.

Hey Vicki,
If you ever get sick and can’t get out of bed to make us lunch,
don’t worry, I’ll make you soup with advil and hug you a whole bunch.

Hey Vicki,
Remember that bottle rocket mishap where I ran away because I was so scared…
that was a terrible thing to do, I’m so sorry.

Hey Vicki,
Starting today I promise to protect you from bottle rockets gone awry,
And all other scary things like bad dreams, sharks, and pink eye.

Hey Vicki,
When you turn 80 and look in the mirror and get sad because you have some wrinkles,
don’t worry, bald overweight Tanner will cheer you up with a cupcake full of sprinkles.

Hey Vicki,
I promise to be loyal to you like Patches was to Pam,
If you are the green eggs please consider me your ham.

Question: Did you keep your vows?

Answer: Not so much. I mean, Vicki hasn’t really been attacked by any sharks, so I’ve got that going for me, but other than that… ummmm. I mean, I really wanted my vows to rhyme, so I think that kind of forced me to make some stuff up, just to, you know, get the words to rhyme. Also, I do plan on giving Vicki a cupcake when she turns 80.

 ·  96 notes

14th July 2011

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14th July 2011

TANNER TANNER
This one time I got a perm and I thought it was awesome so I went on the internet and hired a professional photographer to take some glamourous headshots of me so that I could send them to Hollywood and get a job as an actor on the TV show Full House. I was thinking that I could play Danny Tanner’s long lost illegitimate son, Tanner Tanner. 
TANNER TANNER
This one time I got a perm and I thought it was awesome so I went on the internet and hired a professional photographer to take some glamourous headshots of me so that I could send them to Hollywood and get a job as an actor on the TV show Full House. I was thinking that I could play Danny Tanner’s long lost illegitimate son, Tanner Tanner. 
TANNER TANNER
This one time I got a perm and I thought it was awesome so I went on the internet and hired a professional photographer to take some glamourous headshots of me so that I could send them to Hollywood and get a job as an actor on the TV show Full House. I was thinking that I could play Danny Tanner’s long lost illegitimate son, Tanner Tanner. 
TANNER TANNER
This one time I got a perm and I thought it was awesome so I went on the internet and hired a professional photographer to take some glamourous headshots of me so that I could send them to Hollywood and get a job as an actor on the TV show Full House. I was thinking that I could play Danny Tanner’s long lost illegitimate son, Tanner Tanner. 

TANNER TANNER

This one time I got a perm and I thought it was awesome so I went on the internet and hired a professional photographer to take some glamourous headshots of me so that I could send them to Hollywood and get a job as an actor on the TV show Full House. I was thinking that I could play Danny Tanner’s long lost illegitimate son, Tanner Tanner. 

 ·  34 notes

11th July 2011

THE TIME VICKI ALMOST ATE RIGBY
This one time Vicki and I got lost in a snow storm while walking Rigby. After about ten minutes Vicki’s tummy began to rumble and she suggested that we eat Rigby. Rigby quickly yelled “Damn woman! It’s only been ten minutes! At least eat some snow before you eat YOUR F-ING PUPPY!!!”. An awkward silence soon ensued where they both glared at me for support. Eventually I reluctantly mumbled “he’s kind of gotta point”.
I’ve been sleeping on the couch ever since. THE TIME VICKI ALMOST ATE RIGBY
This one time Vicki and I got lost in a snow storm while walking Rigby. After about ten minutes Vicki’s tummy began to rumble and she suggested that we eat Rigby. Rigby quickly yelled “Damn woman! It’s only been ten minutes! At least eat some snow before you eat YOUR F-ING PUPPY!!!”. An awkward silence soon ensued where they both glared at me for support. Eventually I reluctantly mumbled “he’s kind of gotta point”.
I’ve been sleeping on the couch ever since.

THE TIME VICKI ALMOST ATE RIGBY

This one time Vicki and I got lost in a snow storm while walking Rigby. After about ten minutes Vicki’s tummy began to rumble and she suggested that we eat Rigby. Rigby quickly yelled “Damn woman! It’s only been ten minutes! At least eat some snow before you eat YOUR F-ING PUPPY!!!”. An awkward silence soon ensued where they both glared at me for support. Eventually I reluctantly mumbled “he’s kind of gotta point”.

I’ve been sleeping on the couch ever since.

 ·  38 notes

27th May 2011

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!”
So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project.

Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks!

Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks.

Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal? FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!”
So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project.

Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks!

Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks.

Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal?

FLASHBACK FRIDAY 14 - “GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR SKELEBOT ATTACK!!!”

So a few years back Vicki and I jumped into our space suits and headed out to the Salton Sea to conduct some research for a science project we were doing. Once there, however, we realized that we had no test tubes or beakers, much less a hypothesis, and thus mutually decided to abort the whole damn project.

image

Anyway, as we stood quietly in the shame of having driven 300 miles into the desert for nothing, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild skelebots. What is a skelebot you ask? Well, a skelebot is a skeleton with a robot head. Part skeleton, part robot, all trouble… that’s what a skelebot is. Seriously, they will not stop attacking until they have all of your socks!

image

Anyway, we documented the entire attack on Fuji Provia with our 35mm panoramic camera. Unfortunately I’ve never scanned a single frame because I’m worthless. So for now these mediocre polaroids will have to do. As you can see, the skelebot eventually captured Vicki and is attempting to read her mind so that he can figure out where she’s hiding all her socks.

image

Looking back these photos make me a bit sad, as they take me back to that special time in my life where I had comfortable cozy socks. Damn you skelebots!!! Give us back our socks! Seriously, do you even wear them or do you just get some sick pleasure from watching our naked feet shiver in the cold? What’s the deal?

 ·  60 notes

15th May 2011

THRITY FREAKIN’ TWO
So Vicki just reminded me that today is my thirty second birthday. This was my reaction. 
Anyway, I had planned on spending the day as my normal grumpy-grump self struggling to learn Adobe After Effects, but Vicki has convinced me to leave the apartment to go get some fish for the aquarium I got for my birthday exactly one year ago today. That’s right, there’s been a 30-gallon fish tank, full of water mind you, sitting fish-less and plant-less for 365 days in the corner of our living room. That tank is a true testament to just how lazy I can be when I put my mind to something. Here’s a picture that pretty much sums up the complete failure of my 31st year on earth…

Anyway, if by chance I’m following you, and you just realized that I’m old enough to be your dad, feel free to let me know if you’d prefer that I un-follow you. It’s bad enough I’m an old lazy dude, I sure as hell don’t want to be a creepy old lazy dude. 
Also, go Baltimore Orioles! THRITY FREAKIN’ TWO
So Vicki just reminded me that today is my thirty second birthday. This was my reaction. 
Anyway, I had planned on spending the day as my normal grumpy-grump self struggling to learn Adobe After Effects, but Vicki has convinced me to leave the apartment to go get some fish for the aquarium I got for my birthday exactly one year ago today. That’s right, there’s been a 30-gallon fish tank, full of water mind you, sitting fish-less and plant-less for 365 days in the corner of our living room. That tank is a true testament to just how lazy I can be when I put my mind to something. Here’s a picture that pretty much sums up the complete failure of my 31st year on earth…

Anyway, if by chance I’m following you, and you just realized that I’m old enough to be your dad, feel free to let me know if you’d prefer that I un-follow you. It’s bad enough I’m an old lazy dude, I sure as hell don’t want to be a creepy old lazy dude. 
Also, go Baltimore Orioles!

THRITY FREAKIN’ TWO

So Vicki just reminded me that today is my thirty second birthday. This was my reaction. 

Anyway, I had planned on spending the day as my normal grumpy-grump self struggling to learn Adobe After Effects, but Vicki has convinced me to leave the apartment to go get some fish for the aquarium I got for my birthday exactly one year ago today. That’s right, there’s been a 30-gallon fish tank, full of water mind you, sitting fish-less and plant-less for 365 days in the corner of our living room. That tank is a true testament to just how lazy I can be when I put my mind to something. Here’s a picture that pretty much sums up the complete failure of my 31st year on earth…

image

Anyway, if by chance I’m following you, and you just realized that I’m old enough to be your dad, feel free to let me know if you’d prefer that I un-follow you. It’s bad enough I’m an old lazy dude, I sure as hell don’t want to be a creepy old lazy dude. 

Also, go Baltimore Orioles!

 ·  58 notes

13th May 2011

SPACE FURBALLS MAKES ME SAD
Because I’ll be staring at them all damn weekend as I try to manipulate their space-age furball bodies in Adobe After Effects. But before I can even get started on that inevitable motion graphics disaster, I’m first gonna have to cut these furballs out from their backgrounds in Photoshop, which unfortunately will be quite a bit harder than originally anticipated.
Way to shoot grey fuzzy hats in front of big grey wall Tanner! Of all the colors in the world so shoot a grey fuzzy hat in front of, you picked the absolute worst one for what you are trying to do! Congratulations, here’s a free iPhone so you can call your mom and tell her just how much of a disappointment you really are!!!

Finally, in case you are curious as to what the graffiti behind me says, here ya go…
"MY FREEZER IS MY HUSBAND AND MY HUSBAND IS MY FREEZER"
Apparently a woman near where I live married a freezer. She’s gonna have way more fun this weekend with her freezer husband than I’m gonna have with After Effects, that’s for sure. SPACE FURBALLS MAKES ME SAD
Because I’ll be staring at them all damn weekend as I try to manipulate their space-age furball bodies in Adobe After Effects. But before I can even get started on that inevitable motion graphics disaster, I’m first gonna have to cut these furballs out from their backgrounds in Photoshop, which unfortunately will be quite a bit harder than originally anticipated.
Way to shoot grey fuzzy hats in front of big grey wall Tanner! Of all the colors in the world so shoot a grey fuzzy hat in front of, you picked the absolute worst one for what you are trying to do! Congratulations, here’s a free iPhone so you can call your mom and tell her just how much of a disappointment you really are!!!

Finally, in case you are curious as to what the graffiti behind me says, here ya go…
"MY FREEZER IS MY HUSBAND AND MY HUSBAND IS MY FREEZER"
Apparently a woman near where I live married a freezer. She’s gonna have way more fun this weekend with her freezer husband than I’m gonna have with After Effects, that’s for sure.

SPACE FURBALLS MAKES ME SAD

Because I’ll be staring at them all damn weekend as I try to manipulate their space-age furball bodies in Adobe After Effects. But before I can even get started on that inevitable motion graphics disaster, I’m first gonna have to cut these furballs out from their backgrounds in Photoshop, which unfortunately will be quite a bit harder than originally anticipated.

Way to shoot grey fuzzy hats in front of big grey wall Tanner! Of all the colors in the world so shoot a grey fuzzy hat in front of, you picked the absolute worst one for what you are trying to do! Congratulations, here’s a free iPhone so you can call your mom and tell her just how much of a disappointment you really are!!!

image

Finally, in case you are curious as to what the graffiti behind me says, here ya go…

"MY FREEZER IS MY HUSBAND AND MY HUSBAND IS MY FREEZER"

Apparently a woman near where I live married a freezer. She’s gonna have way more fun this weekend with her freezer husband than I’m gonna have with After Effects, that’s for sure.

 ·  33 notes
FLASHBACK FRIDAY 12 - SODA POP COUGH DROP

Several years ago Vicki and I drove out to the Mojave desert and shot a short film called Soda Pop Cough Drop. Vicki played Soda Pop, and I played Cough Drop. The basic premise was as follows…

Soda Pop and Cough Drop are alone in the desert working on a routine goldfish rescue operation. 

Cough Drop botches the routine goldfish rescue operation. He blames his epic failure on the water, which he claims “teems with sharks”.

As they nap in their tent during a routine napping operation, Cough Drop has a bad dream about a “half man half shark” creature eating poor innocent goldfish. He can’t sleep so he leaves the tent to fly his goldfish kite.

Cough Drop is abducted by a flying hammerhead shark. As he’s being abducted he lets Soda Pop know via walkie talkie.

Soda Pop spends the rest of the movie trying to rescue Cough Drop from the flying hammerhead shark. 

That’s pretty much it. It was a rather terrible filmmaking experience for several reasons…

1. We didn’t have a location planned beforehand, so most of the day was spent looking for a place to shoot.

2. It was a million degrees out.

3. We had no food.

4. We saw a giant snake and that freaked us out the hell out, as we were literally in the middle of nowhere and had zero anti-venom on hand. Had it a) been poisonous and b) bitten us, we probably would have died that day and our bodies would still be out there.

5. In addition to playing every character in the film, Vicki and I also shot the entire thing ourselves, which is not so easy when you’re hot, haven’t eaten, and are fighting a sun that’s setting fast. The possibility of being killed by a wild animal didn’t help much either. 

Anyway, I guess that’s about it. Here’s a few behind-the-scenes polaroids of me being abducted by the flying hammerhead shark…

image

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 ·  59 notes

22nd April 2011

GREAT MOMENTS IN PHOTOSHOP EXCELLENCE 04: “BEHIND THE SCENES OF A MEDIOCRE ANIMATED GIF”
Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at the animated couch jumping GIF that I posted here yesterday. 
I’m not sure why, but the behind-the-scenes of my stuff always seems to be more interesting than my actual stuff. I’m not sure how I feel about that. It’s definitely not a good thing, but I’m not so sure it’s a bad thing either. Regardless, it’s definitely some sort of thing. Actually, I just made up my mind, it’s definitely a bad thing. Damn, that sucks. GREAT MOMENTS IN PHOTOSHOP EXCELLENCE 04: “BEHIND THE SCENES OF A MEDIOCRE ANIMATED GIF”
Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at the animated couch jumping GIF that I posted here yesterday. 
I’m not sure why, but the behind-the-scenes of my stuff always seems to be more interesting than my actual stuff. I’m not sure how I feel about that. It’s definitely not a good thing, but I’m not so sure it’s a bad thing either. Regardless, it’s definitely some sort of thing. Actually, I just made up my mind, it’s definitely a bad thing. Damn, that sucks.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PHOTOSHOP EXCELLENCE 04: “BEHIND THE SCENES OF A MEDIOCRE ANIMATED GIF”

Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at the animated couch jumping GIF that I posted here yesterday. 

I’m not sure why, but the behind-the-scenes of my stuff always seems to be more interesting than my actual stuff. I’m not sure how I feel about that. It’s definitely not a good thing, but I’m not so sure it’s a bad thing either. Regardless, it’s definitely some sort of thing. Actually, I just made up my mind, it’s definitely a bad thing. Damn, that sucks.

 ·  32 notes
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