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Hi, I'm Tanner. I like cloudy days and fish tanks. I have a wife and a kid. I like them as well.
Posts tagged tree
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Or better yet, for those of you “in the know”…

I fur with my little ball…

Note: If you are not “in the know” but are curious as to what I’m talking about, just click here and all of your questions will be answered. One day they will return, one day…


So a few weekends ago Vicki and I traveled back to Maryland to celebrate her 30th birthday. Along the way we stopped by to see my folks. As soon as we walked in the door my mom made us a pair of her famous “Pammy Milkshakes”. As we struggled to sip the thick milkshakes through our bendy straws, my mom warned us about a viscous “demon attack owl from hell” that had allegedly been terrorizing small dogs in the community. I stress the word allegedly, as she offered up very little in the way of actual “proof”.

Now, as many of you know, my mom has a small rather pathetic looking dog named Toby. Although Toby is often mistaken for an ugly cat and/or ferret and contributes absolutely nothing to society, my mom nonetheless loves him very much and was absolutely freaked out about the owl. She had gone so far as to build a small green cloak for Toby so that he would blend in with the grass when out for walks.

Anyway, long story short, once I was done my milkshake my mom demanded that my father and I set out to “destroy the owl”. So my dad and I put on some old hockey gear, grabbed our sling shots, and headed out to do some damage. Neither of us thought there was a chance in hell we’d find the owl, and to be honest, we weren’t so sure it even existed. 

As we walked along with our slingshots my dad and I traded stories about Toby’s seemingly endless supply of pathetic-ness. I was deep into a story about the time Toby got his head trapped in one of those plastic hamster balls when my dad yelled “God damn it’s an owl”. I looked up and there he was, looking right at me like I was some kind of hipster doofus.

So yeah, my dad and I raised our slingshots and just as we were about to shoot my dad said “Hold on a second son, this here owl’s a majestic creature of nature, how’s about we let him live”. “What about Toby?” I asked. My dad replied “Toby’s just a rat that barks, Owly Owlington here is a champion of nature”. “Did you just call him Owly Owlington?” I asked. “Yep” he said. “What about Owlbert Einstein?” I asked. “Nope, his name’s Owly Owlington”. 

And that’s the story of Owly Owlington.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that my sister’s boyfriend, John, was also along for the adventure to destroy Owly Owlington. He lagged behind a bit as I think he saw the whole ordeal as a bit, shall we say, unnecessary and pointless. However, he did have a few good alternate name suggestions for Owly Owlington, including Owl Bundy and Owlan Rickman.

Here’s a wide shot of Owly Owlington and his tree…



So a tree, a sky, and an ocean walk into a bar and the tree says “Damn Ocean, how’d you get so wet?”. The ocean replies “I’m made out of water you idiot, it’s pretty obvious”. As the tree attempts to think of a witty comeback, the sky says “Hey guys, how the hell did we all fit in this bar? I mean, I’m the sky, how the hell is this bar bigger than me?”. The ocean says “Good point Sky. Come to think of it, I don’t even have hands, much less a throat, how the hell am I gonna drink a beer?”. The sky says “I know, right! I don’t have hands or a throat either. What were we thinking coming to a bar. We sure botched this one fellas”. The tree lifts up his roots and says “If you’ll excuse me gentleman, I’ll be at the bar”. As the tree proceeds to soak up a Miller High Life, the sky and the ocean dejectedly play darts in the back of the bar.

Past Christmas Classics: “GRANDPA AND ME BY THE HUBCAP TREE”

My awesome Uncle John built this metal masterpiece in his front yard a few years back. And yes, that is a Polaroid camera mounted to my helmet.


When he dropped the tree,

he hurt his knee,

so he put a drug,

in his reindeer mug.